It's not easy being me. Despite giving the impression of all-round perfection (to my two year old daughter) I have many significant flaws and face many challenges in my day-to-day life.
It helps to share, so here are some of the things I am struggling with at the moment.
- Trying to keep a straight face when speaking sternly to two year old Boo, whose response to most forms of discipline is to grin, sing 'Mee Po!', throw her blanky over your head and then ask merrily for juice.*
- Trying not to eat every single last hot chip on the table when we are out for dinner. This is exceedingly difficult for me.**
- Trying to maintain an appropriate level of sympathy for my husband when he comes home from work, collapses weakly on the couch, whispers that he is 'extremely ill', then eats a hearty dinner followed by a double serve of dessert, before climbing cheerily into bed and watching Top Gear till 11pm.
- Trying to create a suitably 'uplifted' position for my breasts in my bra.***
- Trying not to bite my nails. It's tough, because they are exceedingly delicious and full of calcium.****
- Trying to remember that Nestle Choc Bits That Retain Their Shape When Baked are for baking, and not, say, eating straight from the fridge on a spoonful of peanut butter.
- Trying to ensure that my head is tilted to the right for all photos so that my sticky-out-left-ear does not catch the light.*****
*No, I don't know what 'Mee Po' means, but it does not have anything to do with a Teletubby. I know this because Teletubbies are banned in this household. This is because they are stupid.
**Imagine finding yourself naked at your high school reunion, within sight of your clothes but forbidden to put them on. That's how difficult.
***You know. As opposed to 'folded'.
****Sorry, that was a lie. I just do it because I am weak willed and tragic.
*****Because it is see-through in the sun.
Do you struggle with anything? Bet you don't. You seem perfect to me.
