Anxiety. It sucks. But you don't need to feel this bad.

For more information/resources click HERE

I Am Anxiety

Watch this video.

If you have ever experienced anxiety, if you have ever thought you have experienced anxiety, if you have anyone in your family or circle of friends who experience anxiety, watch this video.

This. This is what anxiety feels like.

This morning I co-launched this new Anxiety Awareness initiative by Beyond Blue alongside the amazing Garry McDonald*.

I couldn't be prouder to be part of such an incredible campaign.

When I released The Little Book of Anxiety a year ago, my primary aim was to help to lift the stigma associated with being an anxious person, and to show other sufferers that they were not alone.

But there is only so much that one little author can do with one little book. This campaign will do this a thousandfold.

Please watch this two minute film and share it. And please, if it resonates with you, seek help.

There is hope. There is light. There is a life away from anxiety.

Sending love to you all.

*Who later accepted a lift home with my mum and I, which was one of the more surreal moments of my career to date.

Managing Anxiety, Part Two: A Day

This is the second part in my new series, Beating Managing Anxiety; Advice from a Worried Person. For Part One see here. To buy The Little Book of Anxiety click here.

Anxiety is a bitch. Anyone who has experienced it knows. Sometimes it fades into the background, sometimes it rears it's ugly head, and sometimes it roars so loudly that the best I can do is just put one foot in front of the other.

At times like this, I turn to my last resort, the technique I use when things get really dire (and, occasionally, when things are just reasonably dire, or I'm not feeling particularly robust).

I take one day at a time.

Why do I need to take one day at a time? Well, anxiety has many side effects - fun things like a racing heart, a cloudy head, and a sense of disconnect with the world. However, one of the most debilitating impacts of anxiety is to reduce my ability to cope. When my anxiety is roaring, it becomes the loudest voice in my head, and takes up all the energy I need to function.

Without my emotional resources, I become easily overwhelmed. Simple tasks like cooking dinner seem difficult. Bigger projects like organising my car rego or generating invoices seem scary. And long term responsibilities like my career and parenting my children seem utterly impossible.

So I do what I need to do. I don't think about the scary or impossible. I push those thoughts away and focus myself directly on the here and now. I decide I just need to get through today, and not think about all the tomorrows that are going to come later. I can get through one day. It's just twenty four hours. Anyone can get through one day.

There is a tremendous release in just taking one day at a time. Life is complex and frightening and we never know what is around the corner. But a day is just a series of hours that lasts until bedtime. A day is manageable. A day is limited. A day has a beginning and an end. And if it's too hard to make it through a day, you can resort to making it through the hour. One hour at a time. One day at a time. And when you make it through, start again.

Sometimes, that's all you can do. But if you keep getting through, hour by hour, day by day, eventually the anxiety will recede again. I promise you, it will. So hang in there.

Anyone can get through one day.

Managing Anxiety, Part One: Force

As many of you will know, last year I released The Little Book of Anxiety; Confessions from a Worried Life.   Since writing the book I have been toying with the idea of releasing an ebook entitled Beating Managing Anxiety; Advice From a Worried Person. However, I don't know the first thing about releasing an ebook, and besides, I don't want to charge anxious people for advice. We all deserve as much help as we can get, and I want to share what I know for free.

And so, without further ado, here is Part One of my new series. Parts Two to Until-I-Finish will follow shortly.

Let me tell you this one little secret - anxiety hates nothing more than company. Anxiety likes to live alone, dwelling in the fertile lush pastures of the empty mind. The very best weapon against anxiety is to keep busy. Anxiety needs to be driven out with force.

When I am anxious, my natural instinct is to fret. I become completely useless to myself and everyone else. I wander around in circles, I pace, I bite my nails. My heart races. My mind goes cloudy and I can't focus. If all I need to do is make the school lunches or write a blog post, I can't function. I can take an hour to put a sandwich together. I can sit at the computer and not make any sense.

Still, I've noticed something strange. If I am in this state and a producer from a radio station calls, and asks me to go on the air in five minutes, I will pull myself together. If an editor calls me and asks me to urgently write a piece, I will manage to do it. And for the entire time I am on task, I am focused and lucid and positive. I feel good. I feel strong. And when I finish the interview or column I feel better. It helps me to find my feet again.

Now, obviously I'm not advocating guest spots on the radio or calls from editors as the cure for all anxiety (but if radio producers or editors read this, please call me, I'm yours). What I am advocating, however, is that you find your own equivalent, something that works to get your mind off yourself and on the other. It is different for everyone, but we all have something, a task that will haul us out of our introspection and focus our attention elsewhere.

So what works for me? Well, my list is varied. It includes:

• Doing radio or TV;
• Doing any kind of public speaking;
• Meeting a close friend for a coffee;
• Writing to a deadline;
• Attending a meeting, whether about my children or work;
• Clearing out a cupboard or sorting through clothes;
• Going for a walk with hip hop music blaring through my headphones. (It has to be hip hop. No other music calms me);
• Organizing my handbag;
• Browsing through online stores to choose something I need. (It doesn't work when I'm window shopping in real life - I can spend hours walking around Westfield in a haze of anxiety. But put me on the net and I immediately concentrate. All hail the online world.)  

Your list may be completely different. The key is to identify what works for you, write it down, and then turn to it when you're feeling anxious. 

Maybe you feel focused when you're cooking, or attending a spin class, or painting your nails. Maybe you are able to concentrate when you're planting tomatoes or running a seminar or drawing up a spreadsheet. Maybe you're about to become immersed in The Bold And The Beautiful or in the works of Dostoyevsky or in the Fifty Shades Trilogy. 

Whatever it is, use your strategies. When you are feeling anxious, pick one of your activities and do it. Keep busy and drive the anxiety out, even for a half hour or so. And the more respite you get, the stronger you will feel, and the easier it will be to drive it out in the long term.

Let me know how you go, and I'll see you for Part Two.

Sponsor A Fingernail In Need

I know this will not come as a surprise to any of you, because of course you've all read my recent memoir, The Little Book of Anxiety. But for those of you who enjoy a recap, let me state for the record: I bite my nails. This is, arguably, my deepest shame, alongside not being able to locate Algeria on a map, eating Nutella with my hands, and trying to seduce Elliot Perlman at a writer's festival (although the only shameful part of the latter was the fact that I failed quite spectacularly).

Not my nails. But soon will be!

It pains me deeply that I have not managed to kick my nail biting habit in the forty three years I've been on earth. Even assuming that I didn't start biting my nails until I had teeth, that's still around forty two years I've had my fingers in my mouth. And at least 40% of the time those fingers don't even have Nutella on them, so there's really no excuse at all.

As I wrote in my Little Book, I have managed to overcome my embarrassing habit by getting acrylic nails. Sadly, however, I have also managed to bite off said acrylic nails at least eight times in the past two years. I have now reached the point where I am too ashamed to venture into the nail salon yet again to have them replaced as I can no longer bear the pitying looks.

So... I have made a resolution. I am going to grow my own, calcium-based nails, for real, this time. But for this, I need your help. I cannot do it alone. (I know this because I have failed about five times a year for the past forty three years.)

How can you help? Well, I have a unique and thrilling idea. (Trust me, you'll be thrilled.) I am calling on ten of you to Sponsor a Nail and encourage me on my quest. And let me tell you - Sponsoring a Nail is an incredible privilege. What do you get? I'm glad you ask! Sponsoring a Nail gives you naming rights - yes, naming rights! - over one of my nails. And that's not all! I will also keep you updated with information about your nail's progress, including how it is growing and whether I've been tempted to nibble it. But wait - there's more! Because when a suitable length is reached, and I get my real nails painted for the first time, you determine the colour of your particular nail.

Can you believe it?

So how do you win one of these ten fabulous nails??? To apply to Sponsor a Nail, please comment below, including the name you would choose for my nail, and which nail you would like to sponsor. (Obviously you would all prefer to sponsor my Bum Finger nail, but please bear in mind there is only one of those.)

My kids and I will choose the ten winners, and announce them on this blog when the competition closes. (The competition will close when I have decided I have enough entries. It's my competition, after all.)

So thank you all very much for your support, and I look forward to receiving your entries.

The Little Album of Anxiety

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Fifty Shades of Grey, that stunning literary trilogy that has taken the world by storm (and narrowly edged my own book out of first/second/third place at the bookstore in Westfield Bondi Junction) now has its own soundtrack. Yes, Fifty Shades of Grey The Album is here.

What a brilliant idea. What a concept! And how bizarre that I didn't think of it earlier! But all is not lost, because now, I give to you my own musical compilation:

THE LITTLE ALBUM OF ANXIETY

Music for a Worried Life.

Just like the Fifty Shades album will create a romantic and sexually charged mood, causing you to grab your whips and handcuffs and engage in explicit acts of moral depravity, so too will The Little Album of Anxiety generate its own unique mood, based on the themes and topics of my book.

You will feel anxious and stressed as the songs lead you to imagine Worst Case Scenarios with every track, taking you on a roller coaster of emotion from concerned to worried to downright panic stricken.

And then, right at the end, you will receive hope, a light at the end of the tunnel of worry.

So without further ado, I give you:

The Little Album of Anxiety:

1. The theme song from Jaws (de da de da de da de da dedeDA!)

2. Help, by The Beatles

3. Under Pressure, by Queen

4. Panic, by The Smiths

5. Anxiety, by Good Charlotte

6. Tragedy, by The Bee Gees

7. Jagged Little Pill, by Alanis Morissette

8. Basket Case, by Green Day

9. Don't Worry Be Happy, by Guy Sebastian

10. I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor

Enjoy!

Book Time with KSack

I love books. Most of us writers do. But I'm lousy at book reviews. This is because I simply can't be bothered finishing a book I am not thoroughly enjoying. I'm so frantically busy most days with work, child care, household tasks and Googling the Tom and Katie break-up that I simply don't have the time.

So this is not a book review post. There are plenty of them, anyway. This is a 'Books I Have Adored & Worshipped & Wish I'd Written' post. I'd love your feedback on any of the books I mention, and I'd also love your recommendations about books I (and everyone else) should read.

I read a lot of non-fiction (I mean, seriously, how great is non-fiction? A Little Book of Anxiety, anyone???), but not the dry, historical tomb kind of non-fiction. The funny, fascinating, can't-put-it-down kind of non-fiction. If you haven't read Bossypants, Tina Fey's memoir of making it big in Hollywood, or Ellen DeGeneres's Seriously... I'm Kidding, then do so. They are hysterical.

For something a bit more thought provoking, but utterly brilliant, you must must must read How To Be A Woman, by Caitlin Moran. Every female should. Men, you can pass, but be prepared to hear the words 'vagina' and 'feminist' spouting from your partners' mouths. A lot.

And then there's Your Voice In My Head, by Emma Forrest. This powerful story of a young woman's relationship with her therapist and her famous boyfriend is mesmerising. With a writing style reminiscent of our own Edenland, it is a simply mind-blowing read.

I could go on forever about non-fiction (Malcolm Gladwell people. READ MALCOLM GLADWELL) but I'll move on to fiction.

You must read Perfume, by Patrick Suskind, and Atonement, by Ian McEwan. Perfume is so unique as to defy description, and Atonement (which was turned into a film with Keira Knightly) is heart-wrenchingly beautiful and devastatingly sad.

If you enjoy science fiction, you can't go past William Gibson. His books are extraordinary portrayals of a world just slightly beyond ours, but completely plausible in every detail. I lap them up.

And if you enjoy magical realism, you simply must read Haruki Murakami. Each and every one of his short stories and novels combine touchingly accurate portrayals of isolation, love and despair with fantastically improbable elements that somehow mesh together perfectly. Just don't start your Murakami career with his latest, 1Q84, which is quite dauntingly long, and only for the die hard fan.

Finally, to my latest read, Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn. This book was recommended to me by Paula Joye and Amanda Whitley after I asked for recommendations online. Oh. My. God. I read the entire 600 page novel in three evenings. I was transfixed. The book starts out as a love story, progresses to a murder mystery, and ends with a shocking psychological drama. Astounding. Just buy it. RUN.

So that's it for today. Please leave your thoughts and recommendations, and we shall reconvene soon. And now for a quick Google search of TomKat and then I'm back to reading...

PM Seeks Sackville's Advice on Anxiety

Okay, so that's not what the invitation said. Officially, I was invited to morning tea with several other Powerful Women of the Online World*, in order for the PM to learn more about what we did, and, presumably, spread a little PR goodness. But I knew the real reason. Clearly, she had learned about my book, and was wanting to find a way to get a copy without having to actually buy it. After all, if anyone saw Julia Gillard in a shop purchasing The Little Book of Anxiety, they might think she is anxious, and that wouldn't be good for her public image.

Still, I didn't want to give the game away, so I went along with the official line. I dubbed the morning tea PMtea on Twitter, which earned the approval of JG herself. No doubt she was relieved I didn't share her little secret.

At 10am, the appointed hour, I gathered outside the gates of Kirribilli house with the other women. Not wishing to embarrass Julia, I hid the book discreetly in a paper bag, as you can see from the photo below.

Once inside Kirribilli house, I gathered with the other Powerful Women of the Online World, drinking tea from fine china, and scoffing smoked salmon sandwiches and sweet delicacies of various colours. It was exciting to be with the other bloggers and journalists, but I knew the purpose of my visit, and I bided my time patiently until the woman who had summonsed me appeared.

And there she was, resplendent in a peacock blue jacket and scarf, moving comfortably through the crowd, chatting graciously to each guest in turn.

I bided my time, holding The Little Book of Anxiety, and waiting for Julia to gain the courage to approach me. And finally, she did.

"Kerri?" she asked, and we shook hands. "Nice to meet you."

"Thank you for inviting me!" I said, and gave her a knowing nod. "I'm glad you liked the term PMtea."

"Oh I did," she said. "Very appropriate."

She clearly was too nervous to ask me directly, so I decided to make it easier for her.

"I brought a gift for you," I said, and held out the bag. She pulled out the book, and looked delighted.

"Ah, a memoir of anxiety!" she exclaimed. "This looks very interesting."

She was good, very good. Obviously years of having to maintain a poker face in Parliament had stood her in good stead. No bystander would know she had ever heard of my book, let alone set up an entire bogus morning tea in order to get her hands on it.

But I knew better.

"Photo?" another blogger asked.

"Definitely," I said. I knew Julia felt awkward about having to seek my counsel about such a delicate issue, so I quickly grabbed the book back and put it out of sight. "No need to get that in the photo," I told her.

We spoke some more, and I asked Ms G how she relaxes at the end of the day. "I chat to Tim, and I knit, and I read in the bath," she said, "but obviously that's where the limitations of Kindle become clear!"

"Oh, I know of some waterproof books if you're interested," I told her, before realising I was discussing waterproof erotica with the Prime Minister of Australia.

"Hmm, I'm not sure that would be the best thing to have on the shelf when the NATO Secretary General comes to visit," Julia responded, and I had to agree.

All in all, though, our meeting went well. Mostly, I am glad that I managed to hand the PM the resource material she needed, without the entire world having to know.

After all, if there's one thing I pride myself on, it is my absolute discretion.

*this is my phrase, not the official Government term**
**I suspect the official Government term is 'bloggers'

The Truth

On Tuesday I've released my second book, The Little Book of Anxiety, and since then I've been doing the round of interviews. Some of the questions I've been asked have been deeply perceptive and thought provoking, some have been fairly standard. But there are questions that none of the interviewers have asked, questions that beg to be spoken, questions that you, the readers, deserve to have answered.

So for you, my blog readers, I have asked those questions. And then, I have answered.

So, Kerri, what does your rabbit think of the book?

Um.. nothing. For one thing, he doesn't read. For another thing, he was eaten by a fox recently.

Oh. I'm sorry to hear it. Well then, what does your publisher think of your book?

He thinks it's great. Thats, er, why he decided to publish it.

Why did you choose to write under a pseudonym?

Um.. I didn't. Kerri Sackville is my real name.

Oh. You look more like a 'Patty' to me. Well then why is it called The Little Book of Anxiety? It looks fairly well sized.

Um... that was supposed to be ironic. You know. A play on self-help books?

But it's not a self-help book. It's a memoir.

Well, yeah. That's why it's ironic.

So you actually have anxiety? Yourself?

Yes, I do. That's... you know... why I wrote the book.

Oh! So do you have valium in your house?

Well... yes, a little bit. Just for emergencies.

Where exactly? Bathroom cabinet? Kitchen? Sock drawer?

I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable answering that question.

Fine. So what would you rate your book out of ten?

Are you serious?

Totally. I mean, if you don't even rate it - and you're the author - what should we think?

It's a ten. For sure. I'm very proud of it.

You talk about nail biting in your book and yet your nails are clearly very long. Why did you lie?

I didn't lie! I have acrylic nails now! I wrote about that!

Oh. That must have been in very small print.

It was in the same print as the rest of the book!

Yeah, whatever. Patty Sackville, thanks for joining us.

Er... right. Thank you.

THANK YOU

So tonight I launch my second book, The Little Book of Anxiety - Confessions from a Worried Life. And I owe it all to you guys. Okay, not the anxiety part. I can't blame you for that. But to you, I owe the books. Writing this blog has allowed me to gain confidence in my writing, to understand what works and what doesn't (generally anything about sex works, generally anything about politics doesn't*), and to know that I am not alone in my struggles.

I couldn't have written this book two years ago. I wrote my first book, When My Husband Does The Dishes... two years ago and I love it and am incredibly proud of it. I still giggle when I read it back. It's funny and honest and I wouldn't change a word.

But the Anxiety book is different. It's still funny and honest, but it packs more of an emotional punch than the first book, it reveals far more of me than Dishes, and I feel extremely vulnerable releasing it to the world. And yet you guys have made me feel safe. As a couple of people have said to me on Twitter, you all have my back. I know that. I feel it. And that's why I thank you. Because I couldn't have done this without feeling safe.

Chloe Maxwell and I were just congratulating each other on Twitter, as we both have books being launched today. Hers is about her journey with Max, her beautiful son who has autism. She commented about releasing a book, 'It's just like giving birth, isn't it?' Which it is, exactly.

And then I added, 'And when it's out, you're not quite sure whether you're ready for other people to hold it!'

So, for making me feel comfortable handing my baby over to the world, I thank you.

And I thank penicillin, which was injected into my bum yesterday after a brutal dose of tonsillitis threatened to keep me away from my own launch.

Either that, or do the launch from my bed. But I don't think even you guys are ready for that.

xxxx


*although as I've never actually written about politics, that theory is untested

Ever had a messy mind?

Do you ever feel messy? Today I feel messy. A right total mess. And the mess isn't in my house (thought there's crap everywhere), it isn't in my car (though it's a portable house), and it isn't in my hair (though it is so bloody matted I could lose a finger in there if I dared to venture in).

No, the mess is not of the tangible kind. It's an abstract mess. It is mess of the mind.

Everything feels wrong today. Everything feels scary. Everything feels like it's tenuous and on edge. I'm worried about everything, even things I wasn't worried about yesterday. Every fibre of my being is buzzing with stress and my head feels as muddled as a milkshake. And I know the feeling well, because I've lived with it forever.

It's a bout of anxiety.

So familiar am I with anxiety that I've written my next book about it. Ironically, though, I've been doing well since I finished writing, and was worried (yes, 'worried') that I wouldn't be sufficiently in touch with my anxiety to talk about it in a couple of months during interviews.

Well, I guess it turns out I was wrong.

It's come back, with a vengeance, just when things are going really well. I have a new column. I'm going to London next week. My kids are healthy and happy. We have potloads of money (okay, so  teaspoons, but things will pick up).

And yet I'm running around in circles, my mind is spinning on it's axis, I'm cleaning cupboards when I'm supposed to be working, and eating chocolate when I'm supposed to be sleeping, and thinking up worst case scenarios with every breath.

It will pass, I know. Maybe by the time you read this, the anxiety will have eased. And maybe by the time I really do have to publicise my book, I won't remember this feeling.

But for now, anyway, that's the one thing I'm not going to worry about.

An Announcement

The other night I gave a 'Blog To Book' seminar at the Sydney Writers Centre. I was grateful for the opportunity, not least because I got to tell another room full of people that I had met Simon Baker.

At the end of the seminar, my co-convenor, the lovely Valerie Khoo, turned to me before the group and asked, "So, Kerri. What can you tell us all about your next book?"

I smiled and gave my usual response.

"Nothing at this stage," I said regretfully. "Until a bit closer to the publication date, I can't give you any details."

Valerie leaned in closely."Er.. Kerri," she whispered to me gently, "I read about it yesterday. I've even seen the cover. It's been announced in the Random House newsletter."

Oh. Okay! Well, that was a little awkward. Still, as I figured the cat was clearly out of the bag, I may as well tell them all about it. So I did.

So, seeing as everyone who received the Random House newsletter knows, and the people who attended my blog to book seminar now know too, I think it's only fair to share the details with you.

My second book, The Little Book Of Anxiety - Confessions From A Worried Life, will be released on May 1st this year. I am proud of it. It is a funny but very honest account of living with anxiety, in all of anxiety's different forms. I think an awful lot of you are going to be able to relate, and I hope it will help many of you to feel better about your own anxious lives.

However, the book is very, very revealing - even more so than When My Husband Does The Dishes... - and as the date of publication approaches, I can't help but feel a little.... anxious.

On the other hand, for those of you who didn't realise that I was an anxious person, I am thrilled to bits that I have fooled you for this long.

But as of the 1st of May, trust me, I won't be fooling you anymore.