March 19, 2015

Looking. Searching. Pining.

I have a problem.
I've become obsessed. And I mean obsessed. I've had obsessions before but this is different. I can't concentrate. I can't work. I can't focus on my kids. All I do is surf the web looking, searching, pining for the one.
And I can't find it. Or rather, I've found it about five times, but then I realise it's not right. It's not the one. It isn't satisfying me. There's another, that's right, that's perfect, that is going to solve everything. There's another, that is going to make everything okay.
And I can't stop.
It's been going on since Sunday. I have spent hours and hours and hours searching online for....
A desk.
A new desk.
A perfect new desk.
I hadn't even thought about a new desk before Sunday. I was happy with my (admittedly worn and a bit crappy) desk I bought when I first moved into my new apartment. I was rushing, at the time, and didn't put a lot of thought into it, but that's okay. It was fine. It served its purpose.
Until Sunday.
On Sunday I decided I needed a new desk. At first I wanted a super modern desk. Then I decided I needed a ladder desk. Then I was sure I wanted a secretaire desk, with a pull down front, and tiny little compartments. Then I was absolutely positive I wanted a super-cool vintage wooden desk, which unfortunately was only available in the States and couldn't be shipped to Oz.
Then I broke down, because it was hopeless. And then realised I didn't know what I wanted. I was just searching. I was searching for something. I was searching because I am lost.
I finished my manuscript on Sunday. My manuscript for my latest book. I sent it to my agent last November, and she recommended some revisions, which I worked on for the past four months. I worked hard. Really hard. Every single day I worked on my book. How I laugh when I hear of people writing novels in a month. This novel took a year of hard, all-encompassing work. And then I sent it in.
And now it's over.
And so I am searching, searching, searching for the perfect desk. Except that maybe I don't really need a new desk after all.
Maybe I just need to start a new book.
And it won't matter at all what I write it on.

4 comments:

  1. Congratulations on finishing the manuscript! :)
    I hear you about the desk though. I've become quite particular, having had time to decide on what I DON'T want! Stop looking for things to stress about, though! Enjoy! You've done good! xo

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  2. So glad you understand!!!! And I'll try not to stress. But I'm not good at not stressing!

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  3. I know you scoff at my "I write on my lounge" statement - but it's true - this is why I understand what you mean - we all need that "perfect place" to write in - for me, it's sitting on the lounge with the TV on and maybe some music playing and a cat or two on my lap... I need the chaos around me to write - go figure...


    For you, it's a perfect desk... and I'm sure you'll find it... because I know how much work there is in writing a book - and I'm still working on my first...


    You'll find that perfect place Kerri! I know you will! ;)

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  4. I am currently on the search for the perfect bookshelf. Basically this bookshelf will fix all the imperfections in my home, my life, and all the universe. It's magical, that's what this book shelf is, perfect and magical. They probably sell it at the same place that they sell your desk.

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Thanks! Love hearing from you.

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