Back in those days, I felt free to wax lyrically about all of my flaws - my poor cooking skills, my clumsiness, my parenting fails, my massive fuck-ups, even my poor seduction techniques. And it was fine, because I had a partner, and it really didn't matter if the rest of the world knew how deeply imperfect I was.
Now, however, times have changed. At some stage, I am going to want to attract a mate. And so I need to put my best foot forward, and demonstrate to the world how marvellously desirable I really am.
Yeah. I need him.
Unfortunately, I keep forgetting to do that in my videos with Lana. Therefore, before you watch our latest offering, I would like you to peruse and study the list below. It is important to redress the imbalance of information out there, and to understand that I have many excellent qualities too.
- I am a warm and friendly person (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).
- I can reverse park into very tight spots, often without even bumping the car behind me.
- I do a sensational French Braid. (Not on my own hair, because that requires quite a sophisticated level of hand-eye co-ordination, but on other people.)
- Dogs love me. I'm not mad about them, but they really do love me.
- I am very loving and kind (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).
- I make brilliant scrambled eggs. And really, that is a meal in itself.
- I am an excellent friend and always answer emails and texts. (Not phone calls, of course. But who makes phone calls anymore??)
- I have an excellent sense of humour, unless you believe my son. But please, please don't believe my son.
- I am supportive, empathic and nurturing (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).