March 17, 2015

I'm not that bad. Really. Mostly.

When I started blogging it was 2009, I was married, and I didn't imagine myself being out in the singles scene again. (Please note: Even though I am divorced now I am not exactly out in the 'singles scene'. The 'singles scene' for me carries intonations of 70's disco music, key parties and men with handlebar moustaches, and I spend most of my time alone in front of the computer. But still...)

Back in those days, I felt free to wax lyrically about all of my flaws - my poor cooking skills, my clumsiness, my parenting fails, my massive fuck-ups, even my poor seduction techniques. And it was fine, because I had a partner, and it really didn't matter if the rest of the world knew how deeply imperfect I was.

Now, however, times have changed. At some stage, I am going to want to attract a mate. And so I need to put my best foot forward, and demonstrate to the world how marvellously desirable I really am.

Yeah. I need him.

Unfortunately, I keep forgetting to do that in my videos with Lana. Therefore, before you watch our latest offering, I would like you to peruse and study the list below. It is important to redress the imbalance of information out there, and to understand that I have many excellent qualities too.

For example:
  • I am a warm and friendly person (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).
  • I can reverse park into very tight spots, often without even bumping the car behind me.
  • I do a sensational French Braid. (Not on my own hair, because that requires quite a sophisticated level of hand-eye co-ordination, but on other people.)
  • Dogs love me. I'm not mad about them, but they really do love me.
  • I am very loving and kind (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).
  • I make brilliant scrambled eggs. And really, that is a meal in itself.
  • I am an excellent friend and always answer emails and texts. (Not phone calls, of course. But who makes phone calls anymore??)
  • I have an excellent sense of humour, unless you believe my son. But please, please don't believe my son.
  • I am supportive, empathic and nurturing (when I have had enough sleep and am fully caffeinated).

watch us discuss (some pretty weird) bad habits here:


  1. Haha you crack me up. Keep being the perfectly flawed person that you are. I imagine there's a dude out there who will find everything about you just hilarious and charming and you'll be just fine! :)

  2. Well, I CAN cook eggs.... *sighs*.... x

  3. You are smart, too, and resilient in the face of hippy neighbourhood harassment. You crack me up as well.
    You will find him. I know it. You are too bloody fabulous not to.

  4. SD used to bite his nails, it drove me crazy but I discovered that if I gave him a swift slap around the back of the head then he'd suddenly realize what he was doing and stop - now he just picks at them ... Other than that we are remarkably similar! I too tried internet dating although I found it safer to try and make a feature of my massive fuck up's rather than to try and hide them and I too am terrible at seduction to the point where when I finally decided to seduce SD (and I even considered knitting my own nipple tassels) he was totally unaware of what I was trying to do and thought I was having some kind of seizure or something. And the eggs thing, seriously, we could be TWINS!! I make THE best scrambled eggs, so many people over cook them, they need to be just set, I even have a scrambled egg pan that doesn't get used for anything else ... Does that make me sound odd ... Don't answer that ...

  5. Isn't it incredible how badly we treated ourselves years ago when we were actually pretty amazing! Great list. I can not do eggs - boo.

  6. A good scrambled eggs? That in itself is a 'keeper' quality. :)


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