June 13, 2014

35 Billion Marshmallows

Tomorrow is my daughter's batmitzvah. That is a Jewish ceremony marking the passage from childhood to werewolf. If you were a werewolf. As my daughter is human, it will mark the passage to womanhood. As I am her mother, it will mark my passage to Really Old. It's very exciting.

There will be two events to mark this massive occasion, both of which I have organised alone, using 'alone' in the sense of 'with considerable assistance from my mother because I have no idea how many bottles of soda water we need'. There will be a lunch party for 70 adults, attended by family, all my closest friends, some of my parents' closest friends, and one person who got invited because we had to ask them*, and then there will be a kids' party for 70 kids, which is about 65 kids more than I would like to see in the one place at the one time, but that is only because kids are really loud and messy.

I cannot even tell you how much preparation has gone into this. Aside from the normal concerns like food, beverages, speeches, seating plans and music, there are about 25,000 tiny details that have needed arranging. Pink tights for the 6yo. A shirt for the 15yo (and let me tell you, it is not easy finding a shirt for a half-man, half-boy, one-eighth-Walking Hormone [whose mother can't add fractions]). Acrylic nails for me because god forbid the guests runs screaming when they see my shabby fingers. Balloons. Table decorations. Serviettes (so the guests can wipe their mouths). More serviettes (because my friends are particularly messy). Superglue (so that I can stick on the acrylic nails which keep flying off in different directions). And marshmallows.

I Wrapped These. ALL OF THEM.

Yes. Marshmallows.

You see, it is traditional at batmitzvahs to throw lollies at the child after they have finished their Bible reading in the synagogue (which is what comprises the actual ceremony). Someone (usually a sibling) passes out baskets of lollies to the congregation, and then at the appropriate moment, they come flying from all directions in a shower of sweetie wonder.

Well, my particular Rabbi is deeply concerned about the OH&S issues surrounding flying lollies. Apparently some batmitzvah kids have been injured by a boiled sweet to the forehead, and though no actual concussions have been recorded, it is only a matter of time before Traumatic Brain Injury by Candy makes its way into the medical journals. So the verdict is... NO LOLLIES FOR US.

But I will not be deterred. No. My daughter WILL have her sugar shower, without aggravating the Rabbi or risking hospitalization.

And so I have individually wrapped about 35 billion marshmallows to be flung after the ceremony. 35 billion. No wonder my nails keep falling off.

I love my daughter so much. She is the most beautiful, kind, sweet, loving child in the world. I don't know where she came from but I am so very proud she is mine.

Mazeltov to my special girl. And everyone else, please, have a marshmallow. They're individually wrapped. And one may even have a nail in it....

*And if you're reading this, no, silly, it's not you. It's the other person.


  1. Oh have a wonderful time! I hope you have not one thing planned for Sunday, so you can collapse in a heap XXX

  2. Oh bless. Have a wonderful day. I cannot process 70 kids in one place but I am sure you will have it all undrcontrol!

  3. This brought tears to my eyes... and not just at the thought of copping a lolly to my forehead. Wishing you all a wonderful day tomorrow, and many years of happiness as you watch your daughter grow into a woman.

  4. Mazeltov to you and your family, Kerri. It's going to be a very special day. Love the marshmallow compromise, too - I've seen light bulbs being shattered and glass flying in shul when lollies are thrown (pretty scary) so I think marshmallows are a great idea! xx

  5. Lana (Sharpest Pencil)June 13, 2014 at 4:13 PM

    We need to discuss religion before you say anything in shule tomorrow - she is not actually reading from the Bible.

    Cannot wait to shower your beautiful daughter in lollies in the hope that all her life it rains only sweetness and health upon her and all of your family xxxxx

  6. Mazel Tov! I think this sounds like all kinds of awesome. I never had a Bat Mitzvah but I feel like I've missed out now I've found out about the lollies. There must be a thing about marshmallows at milestones, because I filled vases with them instead of flowers at our wedding! Wishing you, the family and especially your grown up girl all the happy things! Enjoy!

  7. Masel Tov to you and your lovely girl/woman, Kerri. I am sure it will be a huge success but like all good parties, best appreciated in retrospect, when languishing post-party with a coffee/stiff drink.
    We had to tell our guest speakers to refrain from throwing Minties and Fantails at the kids when they responded well to questions...the less lethal green and red frogs were okay (but back in class a NIGHTMARE!) Go the marshmallows!


Thanks! Love hearing from you.

Like it? Share it!