November 6, 2012

Vault: Why We Don't Do Dogs

I am not posting for a while as I am processing some bad news.
So I thought I'd give some of my very first posts a re-run, as a) no-one ever read them, and b) you can see why.

"Mum," my kids ask. "Why can't we get a dog?"

"Because, children...
  1. We killed our fish.
  2. We killed our fish because we forgot to feed him.
  3. It took us a full day to realise our fish was dead.
  4. We killed all the ants in our ant farm.
  5. We actually thought we had killed all the ants in our ant farm, but when we emptied it, it turned out half were still alive. In other words, we can't distinguish life from death - not ideal when you are caring for a living being.
  6. We still have no idea why half the ants in our ant farm died - again, not ideal when you are caring for a living being.
  7. The small members of our family tend to attack the small members of other people's families, dog owners are litigious, and vet bills are expensive.
  8. We don't like walking anywhere.
  9. When we do walk, we frequently lose our toddler (and she doesn't have four legs).
  10. We can't think of any good names. (Our last fish was called 'Fishy', and 'Doggy' is just stupid.)
  11. If there is food in a bowl on the floor, the toddler will eat it.
  12. If I have to clean up one more poo off the floor I will end up rocking and moaning in the corner."


  1. We don't do dogs either. I have enough shit in my life, let alone from a furry creature. PS: Thinking of you a lot honey xx

  2. Darling Kerri, thinking of you and hope you are okay. (I love the old posts - I re-read them all the time along with your books)

  3. We had dogs, and managed to kill one. Don't ask. So now we don't do dogs anymore either..

  4. Lisa @ Giving Back GirlNovember 6, 2012 at 10:13 AM

    My kids were nagging me for a dog until the fateful day as our car waited at some traffic lights, a dog had a massive dump on the grass beside the car window, and my kids watched in awe and disgust as the owner, bent down to pick it up. Nothing shut the dog chant down quicker than a massive dose of reality.

  5. The nag in our house is about Cats, I would prefer it to be about a dog.

  6. Thinking of you, Kerri. Your old posts are beautiful. xxx

  7. I love cats, but stupid husband allergic.

  8. Sending love to you and your friend. I would like a hairless, shitless dog that does not drool.

  9. All very valid reasons.

  10. Get rid of the husband; problem easily solved! ;) Just joking!!!


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