Vault: Why We Don't Do Dogs

I am not posting for a while as I am processing some bad news.
So I thought I'd give some of my very first posts a re-run, as a) no-one ever read them, and b) you can see why.

"Mum," my kids ask. "Why can't we get a dog?"

"Because, children...

1. We killed our fish.
2. We killed our fish because we forgot to feed him.
3. It took us a full day to realise our fish was dead.
4. We killed all the ants in our ant farm.
5. We actually thought we had killed all the ants in our ant farm, but when we emptied it, it turned out half were still alive. In other words, we can't distinguish life from death - not ideal when you are caring for a living being.
6. We still have no idea why half the ants in our ant farm died - again, not ideal when you are caring for a living being.
7. The small members of our family tend to attack the small members of other people's families, dog owners are litigious, and vet bills are expensive.
8. We don't like walking anywhere.
9. When we do walk, we frequently lose our toddler (and she doesn't have four legs).
10. We can't think of any good names. (Our last fish was called 'Fishy', and 'Doggy' is just stupid.)
11. If there is food in a bowl on the floor, the toddler will eat it.
12. If I have to clean up one more poo off the floor I will end up rocking and moaning in the corner."