July 21, 2011

Nearly Gone...

So tomorrow I leave for the States, and I feel I am just about ready to go. I have written a checklist, rewritten it, lost it, written it again, rewritten it, and ticked most of the items off.

And I'm proud. When I consider what it has taken to get me on that plane tomorrow morning, sans children, I feel an enormous sense of achievement. Enormous enough to justify the generous amount of alcohol I plan to consume on the flight, in the hopes of drowning out the guilt I feel about leaving my kids behind.

So with tears in my eyes, and a vision of Cab Sav in a plastic cup in my mind, here is my checklist:
  • Write list of items to pack in suitcase.
  • Pack items on list.
  • Realise half the items on the list are completely inappropriate, and remove from suitcase.
  • Repack suitcase.
  • Repeat previous step several times.
  • Pour all cosmetics into tiny little bottles to take on the plane.
  • Wipe massive spills from numerous tiny little bottles and shudder at the wasted money (see previous blog post on Clinique).
  • Cuddle my kids.
  • Write extensive lists for my parents and the babysitter regarding kids' schedules, meal preferences and 'treat' allowances.
  • Panic about leaving my kids.
  • Cuddle my kids.
  • Get pedicure.
  • Shave legs.
  • Become temporarily blinded by dazzling whiteness of legs.
  • Attempt to lose three kilos as everyone in LA and NY is really skinny.
  • Gain two kilos as a result of failed diet attempt.
  • Decide everyone in LA and NY will have to love me for my intellect.
  • Buy four big books for the flight (one to read, one spare, and two extra in case either of the first are really crap).
  • Buy special 'facial rehydration mist' to spray on face during flight (knowing full well it is just fancy shmancy water).
  • Go to doctor to get script for sleeping pills.
  • Go to chemist to fill script for sleeping pills.
  • Ask chemist what the maximum dose of sleeping pills is.
  • Argue with chemist about what the maximum safe dose of sleeping pills really is.
  • Ask my husband 17000 times if he has booked the flights and hotel.
  • Discover 48 hours before we leave that one of the flights is wrong.
  • Discover 24 hours before the flight that I'd forgotten to arrange travel insurance.
  • Fix flight and buy insurance.
  • Criticise husband for nearly stuffing up flight. Neglect to inform husband I nearly stuffed up insurance.
  • Cuddle my children.
  • Buy combination locks for suitcases.
  • Spend an hour trying to figure out how to use combination locks for suitcases.
  • Collect recommendations from friends about where to go / eat / shop in NY. Currently we would have to stay in NY for around a year and a half to get to all the places.
  • Cuddle my children.
  • Leave.
And so far, I've done everything but the last. But I intend to do that tomorrow morning.

Speak to you from the United States, people!


  1. Yay, it is there now. Have a wonderful and safe trip babes X

  2. I think this sounds like a pretty thorough to do list. One US travel tip though, make sure you get the locks that US customs can open - otherwise they just cut your locks off. If your suitcase has been opened by security the tag turns red and you can refused to collect the bag without speaking to someone in customs first. 

    OK, sorry - that was an incredibly mundane response to a funny post. Clearly I left my sense of humour in my other suitcase. 

  3. Kerrie, have an amazing time in US and don't forget to tweet if you'll get a chance :-)

  4. You seem very organized Kerri, just take an empty suitcase for all the things you've 'forgotten' if you get my drift....
    Travel safely & enjoy guilt free xxxx

  5. Also, check that The Architect has all his credit cards, and that the limits have been upped to a squillion dollars on each. You'll have a shopping list, NO DOUBT !.......

  6. Y'all have a great time, y'hear?
    (that was said in an American accent)

  7. Squeee...so exciting!! Have an AMAZING time. Can't wait to hear about all of your adventures.

  8. have an awesomely fab time and a safe trip. enjoy!!

  9. So envious. Child free? Please, for me, get totally ripped and sleep it off for the entire following day.  At least once.  Possibly daily, if you can handle the pace.  Also, please schmooze someone (or something) for me, complete with "mwah mwah" air kisses.  It's very NY, no?  Have a fab time.

    Oh. My. God. Can't believe I forgot this request....

    Celebritise to the max : scream at a waitress at least once "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM!??!"  And maybe throw your mobile phone at them if you don't get an appopriately huge response.

  10. Seeing if I can comment.  Good luck on your trip. YOur list made me lol. 

  11. Kirsty (Shamozal)July 21, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    Have a fab time! Don't forget to pack the extra suitcase, tell the Architect it's for all the lingerie you're going to buy...works for me every time. Enjoy, can't wait to hear all about it.


  12. Bon Voyage...no-one seems to say that much anymore..ah well.

    Am insanely jealous of the NYC trip IF its via First/Business Class.
    Very pleased I am not travelling if it's the "other" one.

    Truly, the fact that you have made this list (and the lists of the lists) means that you NEED a holiday.

    Safe Travels..........Stay Well....and look forward to much tweeting and more from The US of A. XXXXX

  13. start spreading the news! jealous much? very VERY much … and going to New York ain't bad either.  xt

  14. Dearest Kerri,

    As one of the fabulous people you will be visiting in LA, I can confirm that we will (and always have) loved you for your intellect and wit. The extra kilo or two (what is a kilo anyway?) surely won't matter, but to be safe we will change our reservation for dinner to a less flash restaurant as we do have to live here, and must protect our reputations (I know you can relate as you kept us loud obnoxious Americans pretty well hidden when we came to see you last!)

    Just kidding, so excited to see you and the Architect (must we call him that in person?) and sad that your time with us is so short.

    We hope to give you lots of source material for the next tweet, blog, book, tv series, feature film, and middle school musical production.

    Much love,


  15. It is so hot over here do not pack any clothes. Just gathers for a great day/night look.

  16. Oops. Meant bathers. Stupid auto spell.

  17. Oh boy, I'd forgotten what it's like to prepare for an OS flight! And I did it before I had kids!!
    Glad to see on Twitter this morning that you made it safely...even if your face didn't. ;)

  18. I love lists, but this one blows my mind! Have a wonderful time. And Yes I'm still jealous. 


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