Saved From The Elephant Woman

Let me state for the record: this is not a sponsored post. I have never had a sponsored post on this blog, and never will*. I paid for everything mentioned in this blog, and will continue to pay for them**.

Before we get into paying for things, though... a confession. I am 42 years old (no, this is not the confession, I am very proud of my age and have no problem with it at all***) and I have never, ever taken care of my face.

It's disgraceful. Up until recently I would wake up in the morning, wash my face in the shower with some supermarket face wash, bung on some supermarket moisturiser, and be done with it. At night I would (usually) take off my (supermarket bought) makeup with a (supermarket bought) face wipe and go to sleep. And I would wake up looking like the crumpled eighty year old love child of Bette Midler and the Elephant Man. Except with pimples.

And then, ten days ago, it all changed. I had had Enough. It was time for Change.

I needed Products****.

I headed over to Myer, where I made a beeline for the Clinique counter. Why Clinique? Well, the one makeup product I have used religiously since I read about it in a Marian Keyes novel (which was fiction, though the product was real) is Clinique pore minimiser. I love it. It makes my pores look minimised (funny that). I don't go anywhere without it. And I figured if Clinique's pore minimiser was good, then their moisturiser should be good too. Plus there was no way I was spending eight hours trying products from every range. I'm a busy woman, you know.

I picked up a bottle of Clinique moisturiser and headed for the counter. "I'll take this, please," I said politely.

The saleswoman picked up the bottle and raised her eyebrows. "Well, sure, I can sell this to you, but it doesn't have any anti-aging properties," she said pointedly.

Ah. Right. That '42 years old' thing again. How did she know?

"So what moisturiser does have anti-aging properties?" I asked. Because god knows I need anti-aging properties. Lots of them. Anti-aging skyrises. Hell, anti-aging cities.

"Let me show you our three step program," she said. And my heart sank. Because I knew what 'three step' meant. It meant there were at least three steps. And I only wanted a moisturiser.

Well guess what. There were more than three steps. There were dozens of steps.

There was the moisturiser. There was the post-moisturiser night cream. There was the cleanser. There was the toner (oops! Sorry. 'Gentle exfoliant'). There were the lifting, soothing eye creams (one for day, one for night). And of course there was the tinted moisturiser, to give me that even skin tone I've always dreamed of.

And you know what? I needed them ALL.

But still, there was more. So much more. And I wanted all of it. I wanted the face scrubs and face masks and blemish fighting concealers and petentrating liposome bust firmers and pro-magnificence radiant extractors*****. Quite frankly, however, I wouldn't have been able to carry them all home. And our bathroom cabinets aren't big enough to contain them.

So I got the first lot - the.. er.. basic essentials - and took them home with high hopes. (Actually, I had no hopes at all; in fact I worried terribly that I'd been ripped off, and that I had been conned into spending a great deal of money for absolutely no reason).

Still, despite my misgivings, I used my 'regime' twice a day, every day. Faithfully. Without fail. And it has added at least 20 minutes each to my morning and bedtime routine, which is 40 minutes less time I spend interacting with my family, or - more importantly - browsing the internet.

But it is worth it. Truly, truly worth it. My investment has paid off. I look a zillion times better. I look glowing. Okay, so maybe not glowing, but I no longer look like mandarin peel left out in the sun to wither, so that is definitely a vast improvement.

So my message is this. To all you readers out there, look after your skin. Invest in some products. It does make a difference.

And to all you Clinique executives who are no doubt reading this post (because I have a huge following amongst the Clinique family******, I can be contacted via this blog and am happy to receive truckloads of free products at any time.

I wouldn't write a sponsored post, but I'd sell my soul for a youthful glow.

*unless I am offered a great deal of money, in which case I will happily reconsider.
**unless I am offered them for free, in which case I will happily accept.
***This is a lie. I would much rather be 30.
****Capitals intended.
*****I may have made those last two up.
******well, I did give my card to the saleslady....