However, I don't think we should dismiss kiddie beauty pageants altogether. I think there is a place for them in our country; they just need to be modified a little to better suit the Australian culture.
So I have come up with guidelines for the Australian Toddler's Beauty Pageant. All rules must be adhered to and the judge's decision is final. See terms and conditions* for more details.
Children are to be judged on appearance, performance and demeanor.
- All choices of clothing are to be made by the child themselves. Bonus points are awarded for creativity, colour and uniqueness of ensemble. A pink tutu worn with yellow gumboots and a bright green hoodie is excellent. Likewise a long sleeve, purple winter top worn under a white summer frock with pink leggings and Dora The Explorer novelty shoes. A designer dress worn with matching party shoes entails immediate disqualification.
- Bonus points are awarded for vegemite smears on clothing and/or food remnants on face.
- Extra bonus points are awarded for food remnants in hair.
- Triple bonus points are awarded for stains of unknown origin anywhere on the competitor.
Children are to engage in a performance of their own creation. Sponteneity is preferable and props will be provided by event organisers. Suggestions are as follows:
- Spinning around in circles until they fall over.
- Spinning around in circles with a bin on their head until they fall over.
- Lying on the floor kicking their legs.
- Doing a toddler handstand (i.e. placing hands on the floor and looking at the world from between their legs).
- Pulling up their top to show the judges their belly button.
- Kicking down a Lego tower. (Bonus points if the Lego tower was built by another child).
- Eating paste.
Children are judged on their demeanor, with points awarded for appropriateness and dramatic effect. For example:
- Throwing a tantrum for absolutely no reason.
- Running offstage to use the potty.
- Actually using the potty onstage.
- Running offstage in protest.
- Embarrassing their parents ("Daddy does smelly poos!").
- Embarrassing the judges ("Why does that lady have a beard?").
- Standing there looking dazed and doing absolutely nothing at all.
If you are interested in enrolling your child, contact me via this blog. But I really wouldn't bother if I was you. My three year old is going to win for SURE.
*There are no terms or conditions.