November 25, 2010

WMHDTDHWS

So in case you haven't been reading my drunk-with-excitement Twitter messages recently, I have some news.

I am publishing a book.

The book is called 'When My Husband Does The Dishes He Wants Sex'. It is a philosophical examination of hair removal throughout the ages, from the perspective of an ruthlessly ambitious space warrior who invents the sonic razor.... Ooops! Sorry, no, it isn't about that at all. That was the subject of my first book, 'Sonic Razor Hits Hirsute Highlands'. It never made it to publication. I still don't know why.

'When My Husband Does The Dishes He Wants Sex' is about marriage, sex, friendship and motherhood. I feel eminently qualified to write about these topics because

a) I am married,

b) I have sex (and sometimes even when my husband doesn't do the dishes),

c) I have friends (although not as many as I had before I started writing a book about all of their secrets), and

d) I have a mother.

Oh yes! And

e) I'm a mother too. Which is kind of important to remember. Especially at school pick-up time.

So really, this book will be full of things you shall be able to relate to, particularly if you are married / have sex / have friends / have a mother / have kids / know anyone who does / are interested in knowing anything about people who do. Which means that WMHDTDHWS (the catchy acronym for my book - say it with me! It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) will have far wider appeal than 'Sonic Razor Hits Hirsute Highlands', which really was only relevant to people with hair.

Now, of course WMHDTDHWS (god, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?) is non-fiction. Everything written within its pages is true. Which means that when my husband does the dishes, he does indeed want sex. I must clarify, however, that this doesn't mean that my husband only wants sex when he does the dishes. Nor does it mean that my husband gets sex every time he does the dishes (at least not from me). And, sadly, it doesn't mean that every time he wants sex he does the dishes, as if this were true I would probably never clean another plate for as long as I lived. Or until we both fell over from exhaustion.

WMHDTDHWS (I really should have put a vowel in there somewhere) will be released in time for Mothers Day 2011. It will be the perfect gift idea for the woman in your life, the woman in someone else's life, the man in pretty much anyone's life, or in fact any human being at all with hair. In which case, you can buy my first book too. I'll even throw in a free razor.

Thank you all for your support in anticipation of WMHDTDHWS's release (honestly, I can say it backwards by now), and I very much look forward to sharing my husband with you.

I mean my book. BOOK!!!

27 comments:

  1. Yay... congrats, Kerri! Sounds fantastic, cant wait to read it :) x

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  2. And you know we can't wait to have your husband.... I mean.... book in our hands. Of course, how I'm going to hold 25 books, I have no idea. Perhaps your husband would be easier after all....

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  3. CANNOT wait to read this! Congratulations, Kerri xxx

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  4. Congrats again Kerri, I'll be buying my copy (although with a title like that we will be carrying it in to Doha in brown paper bags). I genuinely can't wait to read it, you give me a giggle with ever post and tweet I read. Kirsty (Shamozal) xxx

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  5. A book everyone will be sure to buy...With a title like that, who wouldn't??
    Congratulations Kerri, you must be over the moon. Mother's Day 2011 can't come quick enough now.

    You're right, WMHDTDHWS does roll off the tongue after a few goes!

    Just one more thing - hopefully there will be mention of that gleaming white sofa you have in the loungeroom. Still can't get over seeing that gobsmacking sight on ACA.

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  6. Can't wait to read it. So much I still need to learn. Looking forward to the chapter on the BeBe ;) CONGRATULATIONS ... you are teh awesome. xxx

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  7. Congratulations Kerri! Can't wait to read it. Love the acronym ;)

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  8. Fabulous news. I'm so proud of you. Fly like an eagle. Now the whole universe will be able to appreciate your unique take on a Life and other Crises. May you have blessing and success in your undertaking. May the gelt come rolling in. xxx

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  9. Yay! Love it. So very happy for you. xx

    Cannot wait and will be buying one for all the women in his life.

    My husband does the hang. You know. It's way past his bedtime, he's watching some show about cheaters with me, clearly not interested but he knows if he hangs around late enough, he'll get some.

    I do the dishes each night. He makes the lunches. If he doesn't make the lunches, the door is closed that night. Bupbow.

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  10. So proud/thrilled/delighted for you. I am so looking forward to reading it. x

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  11. Oh yes indeedy this is exciting news. I will be buying more than I can fit in my car, so that when people wonder what I am doing with all of those books I can shout out dramatically: "Oh Dear me, however will I get these 100 copies of When My Husband Does the Dishes He Wants Sex which I purchased because they are utterly brilliant into my car?"

    And people will come and help and they will buy a book because they will be so enamoured with my sales pitch.

    And if they don't, I will probably rob them. And send the money to you.

    Because you're a bloody author now!

    PS: In all seriousness, you rock and this is such wonderful news. I cannot wait to read it and have you sign my copy. Oh yes, there's that. You have to sign my copy "Dear Rick, the husband I never had because he is totes gay and it would never work out, love Kerri."

    Thanks in advance!

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  12. Congratulations Kerri! I can't wait to read it!!

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  13. Can't wait to read it, Kerri! Am sure it will be super fabulous, just like you! And out in time for Mother's Day? Random House know their marketing. Congratulations!

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  14. Can't wait for this book except I have one request, could it please come with an optional cover that has the title in really, really tiny print. See, my husband does the dishes EVERY night. If he spots this book, I just know where it will lead!

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  15. well done! you're a very witty writer so it's going to be an entertaining read and I can't wait:)

    corrie:)

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  16. You already know what I think about all this, and that is that we totally MUST get Squiggly Rick to collaborate with you on your next book, because after reading his comment I have realised that the two of you together would be absolute dynamite. Or very very scary. But marketable, either way.

    My friend, this is BRILLIANT news! Can't wait to read it (or the rest of it, anyway) and to share it with all my friends. (But not my husband. Might give him ideas).

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  17. Congrats and waiting with anticipaaaaaaation. Loved every word of every post and can't wait to get my hands on WMHDTDHWS.

    Mine wants sex AND a standing ovation....

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  18. Fantastic! Congratulations. Can't wait for Mothers Day and can't wait to read it.

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  19. Is it mother's day yet?

    Best news I've had all day/week/month/year (sad life I know)!

    I live overseas and check your site all the time hoping for a fix of 'Kerri'. Your writing is beyond brilliant and a book was inevitable. I will be sure to have this book posted to me the minute it hits the bookstores!

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  20. Wow that is such great news! You must be thrilled! I read your blog all the time but rarely comment (slacker, I know!) and can't wait to get my hands on a copy of your book and devour it.

    Congratulations xxx

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  21. Err, I am not sure what to make of this, but my wife is now washing the dishes...
    ...in our bed !

    Congratulations on the book. I have a feeling it will be so successful that you will be asked to write a sequel!

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  22. Oooh, how very exciting! Have been off Twitter for a bit, so missed the news...., but how wonderful! Now, tell me, how the hell does one get published?

    Anyway, can't wait to read it...!

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  23. Congratulations Kerri.
    I really look forward to reading your book !
    I agree it is sure to be entertaining and a do not put me down book...but will it be safe to leave on the coffee table ?

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  24. Is it mother's day yet?

    Best news I've had all day/week/month/year (sad life I know)!

    I live overseas and check your site all the time hoping for a fix of 'Kerri'. Your writing is beyond brilliant and a book was inevitable. I will be sure to have this book posted to me the minute it hits the bookstores!

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  25. Congrats and waiting with anticipaaaaaaation. Loved every word of every post and can't wait to get my hands on WMHDTDHWS.

    Mine wants sex AND a standing ovation....

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  26. well done! you're a very witty writer so it's going to be an entertaining read and I can't wait:)

    corrie:)

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