So in case you haven't been reading my drunk-with-excitement Twitter messages recently, I have some news.
I am publishing a book.
The book is called 'When My Husband Does The Dishes He Wants Sex'. It is a philosophical examination of hair removal throughout the ages, from the perspective of an ruthlessly ambitious space warrior who invents the sonic razor.... Ooops! Sorry, no, it isn't about that at all. That was the subject of my first book, 'Sonic Razor Hits Hirsute Highlands'. It never made it to publication. I still don't know why.
'When My Husband Does The Dishes He Wants Sex' is about marriage, sex, friendship and motherhood. I feel eminently qualified to write about these topics because
a) I am married,
b) I have sex (and sometimes even when my husband doesn't do the dishes),
c) I have friends (although not as many as I had before I started writing a book about all of their secrets), and
d) I have a mother.
Oh yes! And
e) I'm a mother too. Which is kind of important to remember. Especially at school pick-up time.
So really, this book will be full of things you shall be able to relate to, particularly if you are married / have sex / have friends / have a mother / have kids / know anyone who does / are interested in knowing anything about people who do. Which means that WMHDTDHWS (the catchy acronym for my book - say it with me! It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) will have far wider appeal than 'Sonic Razor Hits Hirsute Highlands', which really was only relevant to people with hair.
Now, of course WMHDTDHWS (god, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?) is non-fiction. Everything written within its pages is true. Which means that when my husband does the dishes, he does indeed want sex. I must clarify, however, that this doesn't mean that my husband only wants sex when he does the dishes. Nor does it mean that my husband gets sex every time he does the dishes (at least not from me). And, sadly, it doesn't mean that every time he wants sex he does the dishes, as if this were true I would probably never clean another plate for as long as I lived. Or until we both fell over from exhaustion.
WMHDTDHWS (I really should have put a vowel in there somewhere) will be released in time for Mothers Day 2011. It will be the perfect gift idea for the woman in your life, the woman in someone else's life, the man in pretty much anyone's life, or in fact any human being at all with hair. In which case, you can buy my first book too. I'll even throw in a free razor.
Thank you all for your support in anticipation of WMHDTDHWS's release (honestly, I can say it backwards by now), and I very much look forward to sharing my husband with you.
I mean my book. BOOK!!!