October 6, 2010

I Want What She's Having

I have a problem. I want to eat candy.

Now, before you jump down my throat, I KNOW it's not called candy. It's called lollies, or rather they're called lollies, as 'lolly' is not a collective noun (although it should be, don't you think? I mean, lollies should always, always be plural). But I don't want lollies. They might walk like candy, they might talk like candy, they might even taste like candy (far more likely, really, as lollies can't actually walk or talk) but they're NOT CANDY. And I want to be eating candy.

Why do I want candy? Well, I've been watching Real Housewives of NYC (and yes, I know that is shameful and sad, but what can I say? I am shameful and sad) and Kelly, the crazy ex-model, keeps keeps eating candy. Gummi bears and jelly beans, to be precise. And though Kelly is quite profoundly nuts, she is also sensationally beautiful, and watching her shovel the candy into her mouth makes me crave it like a desert craves the rain. Or rather, like I usually crave chocolate, which is really far more apt a metaphor.

Whereas before the show I hadn't had a jelly snake for years, since watching it last week I've consumed more than three packets on my own. It may not help me to gain a figure like Kelly's, but it sure gives me a bit of her psychotic buzz.

This isn't the first time I've longed for something I've seen on TV. Every time I watch Mad Men I crave a cigarette, although I haven't smoked in over 20 years, and even then it made me feel dizzy and ill. The characters are all so glamorous, and the curls of smoke so seductively smooth, I just long to be blowing smoke rings out of my own voluptuous, red painted lips. I don't, of course (have a ciggy or voluptuous red painted lips) but I do find myself sucking rather pathetically on pens and cotton buds, which is about as glamorous as a slice of cheese, and not nearly as tasty.

Now, this isn't the same as being susceptible to advertising. I don't want burgers when I see a Maccas ad. I don't crave Pizza Hut pizza, or McCains vegetables, or even Carefree maxi pads. But when a character on TV does something appealing, I want to do it too. Like cut my hair. Or wear purple nail polish. Or drink litres and litres of apple juice on ice in my best clinky glasses (which I am pretending is scotch on the rocks as I totally hate scotch). Or eat with proper cutlery instead of my fingers (which I do anyway, of course... I'm just saying...)

So do you copy what you see on TV? Or am I the only one?

Either way, let's hope they don't show Kelly eating eggplant next week on Real Housewives. I'm allergic, and the results could be pretty ugly.


  1. I'm so with you on the Kelly/jellybean thing! When she was going crazy and then started eating them she went even more crazy - like watching a car crash with candy, and I wanted some! Do you notice how they're always eating on that show? When they were on the yacht last week drinking water out of wine glasses I was seriously contemplating doing the same. Sad I know...

  2. I have a habit of just hooking into a TV show and watching it in a marathon situation.

    Of late, it's been Love My Way. As such I feel like I can have a glass of wine in my hand at any time during the day or night (as Claudia Karvan seems to).

    When I was hooked on the Kardashians (equally as highbrow as the Real Housewives), I wanted to work in a retail store, look glamorous and talk shit all day long.

    I better never get hooked on Underbelly and start wanting to press pills and blow criminals.

    That would be just plain awkward.

    I have some cherry starburst Fruit chews left over if you want me to express post them down?

  3. I don't really want much of the stuff I see on TV. Except for C.J Cregg's rapier wit on "The West Wing." But I do find myself wanting things people have on twitter. If they have fab hair, or great nail polish then I simply must have it too. That way, in some tragic transference I can be glamorous/gorgeous etc.
    But I haven't watched the show you referred to. But I LOVE the Kardashians. They are my trash of choice.

  4. You don't crave Carefree maxi pads?? Stunned.
    I crave a bag of Party Favourites. Or as we all call them ever since a faux pas from a friend (along the lines of your 'door jopped'). Farty Pavourites.

  5. I always want a cigarette when I see people smoking in movies

    But then I usually want a cigarette anyway

  6. I like to watch Grey's Anatomy then rush around my house pretending that I'm on my way to scrub in on a partial lobotomy in OR 1.

    Then I realise that I don't live in a hospital. And hey wait, I'm not even a surgeon.

  7. This is so up my street. Only started wearing lipstick again after I recently bought the first season of Mad Men (wanted to see what all the fuss was about - and yes, I see I see). Prob is that living in Darwin, the lipstick starts to melt off your face. Attractive. Great post x

  8. Oh totally get this. Whenever I used to watch Sex And The City I would want to drink Cosmopolitans (even though I don't like them) and buy sexy shoes (even though I can't walk in them). And have wild, crazy sex, even though I... well let's not go there! (PS I do regularly drink water out of wine glasses though)

  9. I want what she's having, too ... but if she finds out she's likely to kill me ...

  10. i dont often do this with tv, but i do do it very often with books. i'll be reading a book and someone sits down to a bowl of porridge for breakfast and i want porridge (it wasn't goldilocks, i promise) it is very strange but it happens so often, sometimes i just run with it.

  11. I'm so boring, I don't crave anything...except for a bit of peace and quiet every now and then. As I said, I'm so boring.

  12. I totally agree about craving cigs whenever I watch Mad Men. I gave up eight years ago, but still I suddenly find myself wanting to pop out and get myself a pack.

    However, I don't feel the desire for 'candy' like Kelly, but when Jill got into her ice skating costume I did feel the compulsion to head to the ice skating rink!


  13. I am terrible for advertising, I want nearly everything I see an ad for (food I mean, except for hungry jacks Bleh) or even if I see someone having a cuppa in a show I want one....weird

  14. I wouldn't mind copying Simon Baker's lifestyle. If only I had enough hair, to comb it like his.....

  15. Personally I was more captivated by the idea of consuming bonbons on the chaise lounge, not that I've witnessed that on any tv shows. Come to think of it, why aren't they consuming more bonbons on chaise lounges in Mad Men ? Between downing Scotch and puffing on cigarettes. Clearly this is an over-sight on the writers behalf.

  16. "sensationally beautiful", really? She looks like a man!



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