I have a problem. I want to eat candy.
Now, before you jump down my throat, I KNOW it's not called candy. It's called lollies, or rather they're called lollies, as 'lolly' is not a collective noun (although it should be, don't you think? I mean, lollies should always, always be plural). But I don't want lollies. They might walk like candy, they might talk like candy, they might even taste like candy (far more likely, really, as lollies can't actually walk or talk) but they're NOT CANDY. And I want to be eating candy.
Why do I want candy? Well, I've been watching Real Housewives of NYC (and yes, I know that is shameful and sad, but what can I say? I am shameful and sad) and Kelly, the crazy ex-model, keeps keeps eating candy. Gummi bears and jelly beans, to be precise. And though Kelly is quite profoundly nuts, she is also sensationally beautiful, and watching her shovel the candy into her mouth makes me crave it like a desert craves the rain. Or rather, like I usually crave chocolate, which is really far more apt a metaphor.
Whereas before the show I hadn't had a jelly snake for years, since watching it last week I've consumed more than three packets on my own. It may not help me to gain a figure like Kelly's, but it sure gives me a bit of her psychotic buzz.
This isn't the first time I've longed for something I've seen on TV. Every time I watch Mad Men I crave a cigarette, although I haven't smoked in over 20 years, and even then it made me feel dizzy and ill. The characters are all so glamorous, and the curls of smoke so seductively smooth, I just long to be blowing smoke rings out of my own voluptuous, red painted lips. I don't, of course (have a ciggy or voluptuous red painted lips) but I do find myself sucking rather pathetically on pens and cotton buds, which is about as glamorous as a slice of cheese, and not nearly as tasty.
Now, this isn't the same as being susceptible to advertising. I don't want burgers when I see a Maccas ad. I don't crave Pizza Hut pizza, or McCains vegetables, or even Carefree maxi pads. But when a character on TV does something appealing, I want to do it too. Like cut my hair. Or wear purple nail polish. Or drink litres and litres of apple juice on ice in my best clinky glasses (which I am pretending is scotch on the rocks as I totally hate scotch). Or eat with proper cutlery instead of my fingers (which I do anyway, of course... I'm just saying...)
So do you copy what you see on TV? Or am I the only one?
Either way, let's hope they don't show Kelly eating eggplant next week on Real Housewives. I'm allergic, and the results could be pretty ugly.