The other day, I was interviewed for television by a reasonably famous television journalist. Now, I'm not going to give you specific details about why I was interviewed (so don't ask), but it was about someone else's project, not my own. I was being interviewed in the capacity of 'commentator' rather than 'star', which, quite frankly, is not at all my preference. As you know, I have never been one to shun the limelight, and I can talk about myself for hours. Still, any publicity is good publicity, so I touched up my lippy and composed myself on the couch.
'So, what was your reaction?' the reasonably famous television journalist asked me.
'Well,' I said, beaming, and offering my best side to the camera (which, obviously, was the one without the sticky-out ear), 'when I saw it for the first time, my door jopped.'
'Right,' said the RFTJ. 'Let's do that again. So, what was your reaction?'
I beamed again, a bit blankly, wondering why the hell he had repeated the question.
'Well, uh...' I started. And then it hit me. Oh GOD, I realised, did I say just say door jopped ?)'Um... my JAW, it DROPPED,' I said, slowly and carefully.
'Right', the RFTJ said, smiling and nodding back at me, clearly understanding that he was dealing with someone who had a serious speech impediment. He looked about to wrap up, but gave it one more go.
'So why do you think about it?' he asked. (Okay, so he was a bit more specific than that, but it will do for the purposes of this post.)
'Um...' I began, and my mind went blank. What DID I think about it? Did I think anything at all? I wasn't sure I did. In fact, I couldn't recall any thoughts I'd had, ever, in my life. But I had to say something.
'Well, I think it's marvellous, just marvellous,' I said, because obviously that was expected of me. I beamed again, showing my flat ear.
The RFTJ looked satisfied. 'Great! Just great!' he said. 'I think we're done here!'
'So I'll be on the news tonight, then?' I asked.
'Tonight! Yes!' He shook my hand vigorously. 'Of course you will. Don't forget to watch!' And he dashed to the next subject.
And I was on the news. A glimpse of my hair, seen from afar, as I was deeply and eloquently engrossed in conversation with someone who wasn't waving a camera in my face.
But my interview? It wasn't used. And as I watched the show, in great anticipation, my door jopped.