On Saturday night I went on a blind date with an accountant. He told me his name was Jeremiah but I think he may have been fibbing. Jeremiah was rather an odd type. For a start, he lied about his work. He told me he was an accountant for a medical supplies company, but was rather sketchy about the details. He muttered something about 'artificial limbs' and 'thermometers' and then seemed to trail off in confusion. After a few minutes of gentle probing I discovered that he didn't work for a medical supply company at all. He worked for an electrical engineering firm. Perhaps he thought medical supplies sounded more interesting.
And, in fact, they did.
Jeremiah also had quite an unusual romantic past. Turns out he'd been married before (not surprising, really, given that he's in his forties). But he is not actually divorced, and he's not actually widowed. When I asked, quite innocuously, what happened to his wife he answered - defensively, I thought - 'Why do you ask?'
Well, I said, I'm just wondering... you know... I mean, did you part ways or did she die?
'She's gone,' he snapped.
Gone where? I asked.
'Why?' he countered. 'Who wants to know???'
It transpires that his wife was a mail order bride from a country I'd never actually heard of, which surprised and fascinated me. But just when I started to probe further into her country of origin, Jeremiah abruptly turned the conversation onto me.
'So what is it you do?' he asked, over a mouthful of pizza.
I'm a principal dancer with the Pan-Pacific Ballet company, I told him.
'You don't look like a dancer,' he responded, quite rudely, really.
We're part of a new wave of dancers, I explained patiently. We promote positive body image by not actually having dancer's physiques, or indeed doing any exercise whatsover. Jeremiah seemed appropriately impressed.
'Have you been married before?' he asked.
Yes, I told him. I was married to conjoined Bolivian twins Pride and Prejudice, but we split up when they split up.
'That must have been tricky,' he commented.
You have no idea, I said.
We contemplated dessert. The evening, I felt, was going quite well.
'Shall we just get a choc-top in the movie?' Jeremiah asked.
Yeah, good plan, I said.
'Go pay the bill,' he told me.
I paid with my credit card, and we left the restaurant.
And as we walked to the movie theatre, my husband held my hand.