My twitter friend @mummybb suggested that I write about my deepest, darkest secrets. So I shall.
Okay. Here goes:
Oh come ON, are you KIDDING???
Remember @mummybb, I am the kind of person who will tell you when I have used a nose pore strip (Sunday morning) or have had a fight with my husband (Sunday night, not related to the pore strip), or have a finger that resembles a bottom (see first ever blog post). If something is a deep, dark secret then it's got to be pretty damn deep and dark not to have made it into the public arena thus far.
However, given the intense interest about my personal life (well, you know.... from @mummybb), I have decided to expose myself even further. As I cannot reveal my deepest darkest secret for fear of social shunning and possible legal action, I shall instead disclose to you my most hideously embarrasing moment.
Okay. Here goes:
And no, I'm not kidding.
It was a kiss.
Yes, the year was... well... ages ago, and it was my very second kiss. I had just turned 15 and the boy was 17. For the purposes of this blog I shall name the boy Don, because a) that's not his real name, and b) he was wearing a ridiculous white suit that was intentionally reminiscent of Don Johnson in Miami Vice. He was not, however, Don Johnson.
Don and I were sitting on a friend's mother's bed (as one does). I didn't particularly like Don, but we were there, and my friend was kissing Don's friend, so when he leaned in I leaned right back. Then we started kissing. And it did not go well.
A few seconds later Don pulled away, a horrified look on his face.
"Did you do that on purpose?" he asked.
"Do what?" I responded. I was pretty sure I was doing it right, but it was only my second time.
Don looked at me, and told me I....
NO @mummybb, I can't!!! Forgive me, readers, but I just can't tell you. I want to, truly, but I can't. Some things are just too private to reveal, even to the entire bloggersphere.
Did I tell you I used a pore strip on Sunday???
POSTSCRIPT: Okay! Okay! You really want to know????
I bit him.