I'm thrilled about getting a mouthguard. Obviously I'm happy about saving my teeth from extinction, but most importantly, I feel it will do wonders for my relationship with my husband. Our bedtime routine has been lacking a bit of spark lately, and I feel a mouthguard is just what we need to get us back on track. After all,
- A mouthguard screams sexy. It screams role play. It's a bit Bondage and Discipline, muddled up with Doctor and Nurse, all tied together with Tough Boxer Chick.
- A mouthguard screams confident. A woman with a mouthguard knows who she is. She has priorities (you know... her teeth). She's so damn secure in herself that she couldn't care less what she looks like, she's gonna wear that thing no matter how horrifed anyone is (using 'anyone' in the sense of 'the man lying next to her').
- A mouthguard screams successful. This is a woman who has a lot in her life. After all, teeth grinding is about stress, and stress isn't brought on by nothing. She has a lot of something. She's got the world on her shoulders. And she's handling it. In her mouth.
- A mouthguard screams mysterious. It's like a burqa for the mouth. There's a hint of what may be in there, a whispered promise of what's inside, but it's guarded, hidden by a bit of plastic. And only the invited can look beyond.
Really, the mouthguard is the new black. I may be an early adopter, but give it a few months and I reckon everyone will be wearing one. Life is stressful, and teeth are important, and we need to protect them from ourselves.
More importantly, though, we all need a bit of sizzle back in the bedroom.
I can assure you, my husband isn't going to know what hit him.