March 28, 2014

The Adventures of Ear, Queen of Cellulitis (or, 'If Only My Doctor Looked Like Him')

I am sitting at my desk in my lovely apartment, in which I have been happily ensconced for the better part of a year.
In the last few weeks, however, I have also taken up part-time residence in other digs, not nearly as salubrious as these.
Yes, I have become a semi-permanent fixture in my local doctor's office, making at seven visits in the past 21 days.
It started with a bad bout of tonsillitis. A bunch of razorblades found their way into my throat, and did some vigorous twerking until I was feverish and sore. Eventually the party spread to my left ear, which become infected as well, as it doesn't like to be left out.
It took two courses of anti-biotics to get the fun under control, and a good couple of visits to the doctor.
Next up, just days later, was some, er, 'women's business'. I will not burden you with the details, but it did require an initial visit, a second visit for a pap smear, and then a follow up visit to the GP to discuss the results, so that was another three visits right there.

This is not my doctor. If it was, I would be delighted to experience regular bouts of cellulitis.

Following that was the case of the cellulitic ear. And no, to the friend who knows who she is, I do not have cellulite in my ear (and no, it was not that funny). My left ear, having recovered from the infection, decided that it needed more attention, and developed a strange lump on the back. I went to the doctor again, and she decided that it was an infection in the internal stitch left over from my, um, minor surgery over a year ago. She advised me to make an appointment with the (um, plastic) surgeon to get it removed. I saw the plastic surgeon and he scheduled me in for another month's time. In the meantime, the lump got infected, turned bright red and swollen, my entire jaw started to ache, and I rushed back to the GP to be diagnosed with cellulitis and put on yet another course of anti-biotics. Yep. Two more visits within a week. And with that, we hit the magic seven. I know, right? My favourite number!
Happily, the cellulitis has now eased somewhat. Unhappily, I am going in this afternoon to have the stitch removed in the chair. Happily, the surgeon has given me some Emla cream to smear on my ear to dull the pain of a needle going into my sore ear. Unhappily, Emla cream does fuck all and you will hear the screams all around Australia.
And when I get home, I am officially renting out a room in my doctor's surgery. They have a nice bathroom and old magazines and jelly beans, and I'm there every three days anyway so it will save a lot of time.
When was the last time you went to the doctor?

32 comments:

  1. What a nightmare. Are you sure your doctor isn't hot? Maybe the universe is telling you something ... find ye a hot doctor!! You're welcome xxxxx

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  2. Emla cream is the stuff they suggest you use if you want a tattoo but you're a bit of a wimp with pain. Maybe you should kill two birds with one stone and get yourself a natty little tatt as well? Otherwise it's a waste of buying the whole tube, dontcha reckon? Food for thought? ;-)
    xx

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  3. Our year has been similar, but sadly we can out do you on the 7 visits. We can also add a holter monitor and a cardiac event monitor, over one month of said monitors, for my son, not me. He now has a permanent red angry circle in one spot .. a lovely reminder. There is nothing I loathe more than waiting in doctors waiting rooms, although the magazines from 1993 are strangely entertaining!. Thankfully things seem to have improved the last couple of weeks, so hopefully no appointments until a specialist in 10 days .. Get well soon Kerri :)

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  4. Going to the doctor is a vague idea that drifts in and out of the periphery of my awareness... I know I should go more often, at least for a check up, but I almost never remember...


    I'm one of these people who doesn't get sick, and when I do, I tend not to visit the doctor because I know I have a strong immune system that, so far, has managed to fight off every illness I've ever had for almost four decades now...


    It was always this way - there was a time when I was a child when I was quite ill - asthma, bronchitis, tonsillitis, measles and bronchitis at the same time - even ringworm! But since my teenage years, I've been largely illness free - I still get a mild dose of tonsillitis or bronchitis every 18 months or so, but nothing serious. I mean, I can't remember the last time I had influenza or a stomach bug - I haven't even spewed once since the 1970s...


    I wish I could tell you that I had some health regime that made me this way - a fitness and diet plan that ensures a healthy life - but I don't. I only exercise moderately and eat whatever I want. Maybe that's the secret?


    I'm sure one day all this good health will come back to bite me on the bum and I'll develop some rare disease that will stump even Dr House - I'm sure it's just blind luck that has given me so much good health for so long.


    Hope your run of bad health finishes soon. And if it doesn't, I hope you find a hot young doctor to soothe your fevered brow! :) xx

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  5. I haven't been to the doctor for myself at all this year, only for my kids. I did have a mammogram for the first time a few weeks ago but it was all good so there was no follow up, thankfully. You are braver than me, I'd do more than scream, I'd probably run - if I hadn't fainted first. Hope you're better soon. x

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  6. Benita (Missbenben)March 28, 2014 at 11:39 AM

    On Monday, all three of my kids came down with this flu/vomiting bug that's been going around. On Tuesday, I had an appointment with my kids' paediatrician for my oldest child. The paediatrician's office is an hour and a half away, and despite having three sick kids I couldn't cancel because we'd been on his waiting list for this appointment for months. Exmrbb promised to look after the other kids while I took big child to see the doc. (as an aside he has now succumbed to the lurgy. Mwahaha...) So there we all are, sitting in the car, stopped at roadworks and all three of my kids are hurling into sick bags simultaneously. Stop/Go man didn't know where to look. Paediatrician visit was a doozie, as big boy was finally, after many years of testing, diagnosed with autism. Then on Wednesday they still all looked a little green, but I sent them off to school as it was school photo day and I was working at the school and couldn't get anyone to cover my shift. Half way through my shift I was presented with a vomiting child, so home we went. Thursday my little boy had to have an eye test - again this had been booked months ago...waiting lists etc....and yet again the optometrist was a long drive away, so I had to lug a carful of sick banshees with me. Fortunately this time, my aunt who lives near the optometrist was able to look after the kids while I took little boy to have his eyes checked. You guessed it, problems with long sight, so we're booked into an eye exercise clinic (with another long waiting list) and possibly glasses after that. Today two out of three kids have gone to school and my little lady is laying on the couch in a coma like state. Because of the vomiting, her epilepsy medication isn't being absorbed and she is a little dazed and confused. Bring on the weekend.


    I've just read that back. What a fucking disaster of a family.


    PS - I once had cellulitis in my toe, which spread to my foot. Fucking painful isn't it!!

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  7. Yep. That's a friggin nightmare. Sorry love x

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  8. Thanks love. And well done for having a mammogram!

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  9. I have two little tatts already! And that's enough!!!!

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  10. Maybe the universe is telling you to explore a new direction? ;)

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  11. Yep - I won the good health lottery - for the moment...

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  12. JJ - it IS luck. However, beware turning 50 - it's all downhill from there. Party while you still can :)

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  13. Shit - only two years, 17 days to go! I better PARTY HARD!!!

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  14. 7 visits... yuerck. This will all pass & with winter rains, all your ills will be washed away... either that, or you'll all have the flu (touch wood you don't).
    I worked it out that I had spent a year waiting in my GP's waiting room over about 5 years. We always had to wait an hour or more for him (he was anly 5 minutes down the road). Yes, I would phone before going to check... we always ended waiting an hour :( I miss him.

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  15. John, do you have or work with children? Because if not, I think I've found the source of your health. Little darlings are positive cess-pits of infection!

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  16. Ouch! Cellulitis hurts and having seen it on another friend, I know better than to suggest you had cellulite in your ears. My friend had it on her legs. I was so glad I didn't go there! Hope you are feeling better soon. Or that the doc gets cuter.

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  17. :)


    True - I avoid children like the ...errr... plague!

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  18. Poor you! I now don't feel so bad about keeping various health professionals in business over the past few months - dealing with, ahem, 'women's issues' (the minor surgery didn't really work last year) so I've had a couple more GP / gyno visits and now physio and osteo treatment (issue might be able to be mitigated non surgically), as well as dental (new split due to teeth grinding). Told today from physio that I should also see a podiatrist - I am feeling like such a hypochondriac, but on the other hand, at least I am getting value from our health insurance (because in addition there are regular optomitrist visits, and the current testing for the kids re. orthodontic treatment). In the context, today's free flu shot was quite a positive thing!

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  19. I'm reading 'my anxiety book' at the moment (this is what I have named your book for convenience, as family keep asking me what I'm reading as I smile and nod along) and all I can think is that I am glad you don't catastrophise your health problems. I would have self-diagnosed (with some help from Dr Google) HIV with a side of lymphoma or something equally as terrifying. Glad the cellulitis is settling, if only cellulite were as easy to fix...

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  20. I have 'not liked it' because I feel for you so much.xx

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  21. A YEAR!!!! Well, I've probably spent at least a day in the last three weeks.... not quite as much as you..... x

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  22. I'm like you. As long as it's not cancer I feel like i can cope with anything. And (touch wood etc) if it was.... I guess I'd have to cope with that (touching wood again) x

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  23. I call it 'my anxiety book' too! I must say, I did have a moment of catastrophising when my gynae issues came up. Decided on the spot I had cancer and a month to live. That was a bit of a first for me, but it came after a lot of other crap!!! Luckily my doctor is very reassuring and I actually listened to her and calmed down. (And funnily enough, Dr Google told me I had cellulitis before the real doctor did!) x

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  24. I have a splint too as i clench my teeth! Have worn down two of them. Not sure I can be bothered getting another. May just have to get new teeth x

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  25. It's okay. One of my friends already called and laughed herself stupid at my cellulitic ear. And the doc is cute. But she's a she. Sigh....

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  26. I've given up on counting the amount of times I wind up in my doctors office. A couple of chronic conditions make sure I'm there reasonably frequently.

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