February 14, 2014

I Love Them

By now you will all be familiar with the terrible story of Luke Batty. As a mother, as a separated spouse, as a single parent, as a human being, I am devastated by his death.

I don't have anything to add to the commentary on the tragedy. And this post isn't designed to be controversial, or to get hits. I just need to write it, for me, and for my kids. It is about love. It is about joy. I love them. I love them.

The depth of feeling I have for my children overwhelms me. It brings tears to my eyes as I sit at this computer. After nearly fifteen years of parenthood, it remains as strong. I feel grateful for my kids every second of every day. I get tired. I get sick of housework. I get frustrated. I get bored. But every time I look at those three incredible people, I am consumed with love.


My son is fourteen, and growing up, and becoming a man. But every night he wants me to kiss him good night, and every time he does I feel lucky. I go into his room and I run my fingers through his shaggy hair, and I kiss his still-smooth cheeks, and I tell him how much I love him. I am so in awe of that amazing kid. I feel ridiculously proud of who he is becoming.

My daughter is twelve, and is beautiful inside and out. She radiates warmth and understanding, she is generous and kind. In the mornings, if she is still asleep when I wake, I like to sneak into her bed and 'steal her warm'. In the evenings, when saying goodnight, I kiss her on the eyelids and pretend to eat her eyes. I cannot believe that I created her. She is the best person I know.

My six year old is just like me. She dances with abandon, composes poetry on the spot, laughs hysterically and cries passionately, and wants endless hugs and love. She has a heart-shaped face and massive saucepan eyes, and every morning when she emerges from her room it is like falling in love for the first time. I cuddle her like a dolly on my lap. I could stay like that for hours.

I love my kids. I feel so intensely lucky to have them. I can't bear that other people have been deprived of theirs. My parents lost a child. My sorrow for them is almost worse than the pain I feel at losing a sister. I want my parents to share in the joy of my children. They generate enough joy and enough love to go around.

I am so sorry, I am so hideously sorry for Rosie Batty. I wish her long life, and I hope that one day she will find peace.

And in the meantime, I need to say it: I love my kids. I love them. I am so lucky to have them. I am a woman truly blessed. I will sneak into their rooms and I will kiss them while they are sleeping. I will burst with pride when I hear their daily triumphs. My heart will constrict with pain when they tell me their challenges. I love my kids so much. I love them. I love them.


49 comments:

  1. Just beautiful, Kerri. I love my babes too. I get overwhelmed by it at times and feel so lucky they are mine. They love me more than anything and anyone in the world. They think I'm superhuman, and the best mum in the world. What more could I want?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just to add, on the death of Luke Batty - I haven't been able to stop thinking about him for the last 24 hours. Words canny describe...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Robyn Marks-BuckleyFebruary 14, 2014 at 7:05 AM

    beautifully said Kerri, I have a great unconditional love for my daughter, and she will always be my baby and I will defend her till the end

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have no words, Kerri... honestly... but I'll try...


    I love that this world has beautiful, wonderful people like you in it... that's all I can say.


    xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have no words, Kerri... honestly... but here goes...

    I love that this world has beautiful, wonderful people like you in it... that's all I can say.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Kerri, I cried the whole time while reading this post. I love my kids more than life itself. My boys/men are grown up, they are 29 and 26. The eldest lives away but the youngest is still at home. He has had very trying health issues since he was 18, and we are a team and we face all his challenges together. He tells me he loves me every day at least once, I am the luckiest mum out there. They are both amazing young men.
    I cannot get Luke Batty and his mum out of my mind, I hope she can get through this and has a lot of love and support around her. So so sad.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yolanda Isabel Regueira MarinFebruary 14, 2014 at 8:40 AM

    Hi Kerri ... I too have tears in my eyes. There is no love like that which we feel for our children. It is unconditional and overwhelming and they have the ability to bring you the greatest joy and the greatest pain. Mine are now all grown up and I now have a granddaughter that has stolen my heart. I look at them and wonder where all the years went and they will always bee my babies. They are my greatest achievement. My life would be empty without them. xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is beautiful..tears of sorrow and joy...thank you
    My son is nearly 30 and I love him so much <3
    My step daughters are 28, 22 and 20 and I love them all so much <3 <3 <3
    Some things will never change, no matter how long I live or they live

    ReplyDelete
  9. Too beautiful Kerri. You have perfectly described the overwhelming depth of emotion I have for my kids. Sometimes I think my heart will burst for love of them

    ReplyDelete
  10. Beautiful post, Kerri. xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. You have me full of emotion but lost for words. Beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautiful. Dec came home in tears last night from cricket training because his teammates had told him what had happened at another cricket training across town. He is 14, but he was openly crying. I hugged him and he said "But I bet that kid still loved his dad. That's the hardest thing."
    Oh, it is.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm bawling because I feel exactly the same. Thank you. x

    ReplyDelete
  14. The things they say... they have such wisdom, our children xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. They will always be our babies. Always x

    ReplyDelete
  16. A granddaughter! What a special, special gift x

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are a team. That is so beautiful, Chris. Now I'm crying again x

    ReplyDelete
  18. Robyn - you were an amazing mum. I saw it! And I'm quite sure you are just as amazing. K xxx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nothing. It's so precious. And Luke... He has touched so many of us. It's so devastatingly sad. x

    ReplyDelete
  20. Beautiful post, Kerri.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I've been so haunted and heartbroken by this story too, as has the whole country I imagine. There aren't enough kisses I can give my kids at the moment as well.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I said it to his specialist 7 years ago, and he said "do you have room for one more, because i am on your team too now" .. hah and I cried xx

    ReplyDelete
  23. Beautiful post, something to remember and cherish. I feel so much for Rosie Batty, I just want to give her a huge hug and tell her I would have done the same thing. I would have also had said yes if my son Adam had come and asked if he could spend more time with his dad, thinking that a few extra minutes wouldn't hurt. I feel for every parent that has to make these tough decisions every day, weighing up what is good for your child or what is the safest for them. xxooxx

    ReplyDelete
  24. Two boys. I can't even go there. I won't read the details.
    Thank you for this lovely post. Our kids while young may exhaust us in all the other ways but they'll never exhaust our hearts xxx

    ReplyDelete
  25. I need a minute to gather my thoughts after reading that. I'm too choked up.
    Thank you lovely Kerri for articulating so beautifully the scramble of words in my head that I haven't been able to make sense of since I heard the horrific news about Luke. It defies belief.
    Now please excuse me while I go and hug my gorgeous girl. She won't like it because she's engrossed in Peppa Pig, but I don't care :o)x

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love my kids too. With my everything I love them.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Gorgeous lady it sounds like your children have in them all the beautiful that is you.xx

    ReplyDelete
  28. Lana (Sharpest Pencil)February 14, 2014 at 12:49 PM

    I saw your tears this morning and now I understand them even more. And I shed my own xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  29. Me too. I would have done the same thing too. I think that's why so many of us can relate to her, and feel her pain x

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thank you for breaky. Will try not to weep on you next time x

    ReplyDelete
  31. A typically beautiful comment from you. Thanks Deb x

    ReplyDelete
  32. Peppa can wait. You need your hug xxx

    ReplyDelete
  33. Kerri, your children will treasure this. And a lovely way to honour and remember Luke Batty, his family and his story. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Robyn Marks-BuckleyFebruary 14, 2014 at 3:04 PM

    that is so sweet thank you Kerri, I always try to be a good Mum as well as a good person....Love Robyn xx

    ReplyDelete
  35. Even when they're naughty they're gorgeous. They're funny when they think they know everything and challenge us. It's lovely to watch them sound their own horn!

    ReplyDelete
  36. What a great post. There have been a number of tragedies lately. I have 2 young boys and my heart squeezes with pain and my stomach drops every time I hear of another. Before I had kids, I never understood why other mothers would not want to hear or talk about tragedies like these. I now get it. Hugs to you and off to hug my boys. But they're asleep! Too bad. xx

    ReplyDelete
  37. So, that's what motherhood feels like… Can't wait to feel so much love!

    Congratulations, you made me cry, but it was a happy cry! :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. Beautiful post Kerri, just beautiful. Nobody should ever go through what Rosie Batty went through yet she is still so humble & Way too close to home. I have friends that know her & friends with kids that played cricket with Luke only 3 weeks ago. My heart aches. I love my children to the moon & back & tell them every day. In the last week, I have pulled them that little bit closer not wanting to let go. Thank you for sharing x

    ReplyDelete

Thanks! Love hearing from you.

Like it? Share it!