December 2, 2013

#MyFirst... Kiss

Each Monday I will be writing about a First. I will choose the First (first kiss? first drink? first fight? first phobia?)I will post the topic here and write my own little piece about it. And I will invite YOU to write about your own First on your blog anytime during the week. If you have never experienced that particular first, write about why not. And how you feel about that.
Then add your blog post via the linky below, and/or tweet it under the hashtag #MyFirst.

Today's topic is My First... Kiss

I was 14 years old, and I was in the back of a car, being driven to somewhere exciting.

There were a few of us in the car - my bestie, another friend or two, and a boy I'd never met before. A cute boy. A 15 year old. A boy with a whiff of facial hair about his upper lip. We hadn't exchanged any words at that point, but he was in the seat next to me, and he was very close.

The boy's name was Reuben Valentino. And no it wasn't, but I swear to god it was something very similar. He was a Jewish Lothario, a boy with a reputation of a love god, and a slightly Yiddish name to match.

I don't recall where we were going, but I do recall enjoying the ride. I was young and innocent and enjoying being out in a car and feeling the intoxicating power of being 14 years old. I was chatting to my bestie about something terribly exciting, and then I turned my head, and suddenly there was a tongue in my mouth. Oh yes. Reuben Valentino had pressed his prickly face to mine and he had opened his lips and PUT HIS TONGUE IN MY MOUTH.

For the love of god get that thing away from me!

What on earth?

I got the shock of my life. It took me a few moments to work out that Reuben was actually kissing me. It didn't feel at all like it looked in the movies. It wasn't very nice at all. In fact, it was a bit disgusting. It was like a tepid, fat slug had found it's way into my mmouth and was rolling around in there looking for food. I really wanted it to stop.

I didn't realise I was supposed to have my eyes closed and glanced up to notice the 19 year old driver of the car staring at us in the rear vision mirror. Well, that was awkward. It was bad enough that I had a slug in my mouth, but to have others there to witness my humiliation made the whole experience even worse. Being 14 wasn't so great after all.

The kiss-type thing finally ended, and at some point we climbed out of the car. I can't recall anything else of the evening, but I know we didn't kiss again. I kept well enough from Reuben to make sure of that. But I was rather anxious about his expectations. How could I explain to Reuben that I didn't want a relationship? How could I break up with him when we'd never actually started going out?

Well, I needn't have worried. The next day, I got a phone call at home*.

"Kerri? It's Reuben."

My tongue contracted in horror.


"I hear you just want to be friends. So we'll be friends, yeah?"

"Er.. yeah. Thanks."

"See ya."

"See ya."

And that was the last of Reuben and his tongue, though I am sure it graced many a happy mouth in its time.

Postscript: About 3 or 4 boys later, I started having excellent pashes. Sometimes you need to kiss a few slugs to get to your prince.

*Well, of course it was at home. It was the 80's. We didn't have mobiles in those days.

Next week's topic: My First... Bestie


  1. I went to a boys High School and was completely isolated from girls for most of my teenage years - so I missed out on all that awkward teenage pashing... :(

    I'm going to cheat this week - I actually wrote about my first kiss a few months ago in a series of posts I called "Riding on trains with girls"

    The first one was about a first kiss that never was...

    Part two was about the sad but sweet story of my first girlfriend... and our first kiss!

    Part three was about a girl I should have kissed, but didn't... to my eternal regret:

    So, there you go - three posts for the price of one! :)

  2. Haha...your Reuben Valentino sounds a lot like 'my' Bryan! I wonder if ANYONE had a good first kiss?!

  3. Poor old Reuben. I wonder what became of him?! I've shared mine in the linky thing and it's about as romantic as yours!

  4. Hahaha. You tell the story so well - hilarious. I'm too embarrassed to share my first kiss story in public!! Maybe in another 20 years haha.

  5. Haha i made darn sure i think i would not go out with any Jewish guy (as my parents where strict) I always use to ask what religion they are (i wanted to piss the parents off) it worked i guess LOL
    Now married to atheist :-P x love your story and yep sounds more yiddish to me. Oh vey!

  6. Hi Kerri,

    That made me laugh. It all sounds a bit unexpected really but he turned out to be quite chivalrous in the end.

    I hope it's okay to share a post I write a while back on #MyFirst kiss - I'm enjoying your firsts and hoping this isn't my very first comment here - surely it can't be... :)

  7. Hahahaha I had EXACTLY the same experience - what the hell? He put his tongue In My Mouth. Surely that's not hygienic... :)

  8. Oh classic! And super exciting being in a car at 14 my mother would never have allowed such a thing

  9. Slugs. Mouth full of slugs. GROSS! How did you ever go near another boy EVER again??

  10. Catherine RodieBlaggDecember 2, 2013 at 8:11 PM

    Ewwww. I had some slug kissing experiences too - but later, when I knew that that wasn't how to do it. Loving this series Kerri!

  11. I'm not sure where my comment keeps going!?

    Your Lothario, Reuben was a bit like Bryan...

  12. Where did you find a Reuben Valentino?

    And who was the mysterious 19 year old driver. I want the extended version - the novel in fact xx

  13. Only for you Kerri ... I manned up and spoke about the whole sordid evening ...

  14. Yikes, Reuben wasn't a backward, shy boy, was he! I wonder if you were his first kiss and he was told that is how it was done, just go for it?

  15. Hahaha ... brilliant! I never thought of it being like having a slug in your mouth ... but it so can be!
    I'm loving this #MyFirst series. So much fun to dredge the memory bank for the stories. Thanks Kerri :o)x

  16. A great read! I'm loving checking out everyone's stories :)

  17. Sneaking in at the last minute, I think you have heard this story Kerri.


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