August 7, 2013

Not Everything Is As It Seems

This week, two different people have commented on what a glamorous life I'm leading. Apparently I am 'always out' and 'always doing exciting things' and 'always with amazing people'. And though I do count Westfield as being out, and definitely count my kids as being amazing people, I shook my head and laughed ruefully because it is so far from the truth it's not funny.

The fact is that these days, I barely ever leave my house. I am a total hermit. I walk my kids to the bus stop in the morning and walk back to pick them up in the afternoon. I go to Westfield to do my shopping, and occasionally meet my mum or Lana for breakfast. And every Tuesday I go to Channel 7 studios for an hour to film my panel for The Daily Edition. And yes, that is exciting, but it is one hour a week. The rest of the time I can be found at home in front of my computer, doing the laundry, making school lunches, or, most afternoons, curled up in bed for a nap. I think I've seen one adult's film all year. I've been out to dinner maybe two or three times. And that is it.

Now, I'm not telling you this so you feel sorry for me. Far from it. I am very happy in my own little bubble at the moment. I like being at home. I have needed this time out. But I am very interested in the whole idea of perception and deception. People's lives are very rarely as they seem from the outside, and when you're viewing them through the prism of social media, this is doubly, triply, quadruply true.

Couples who appear happy on a screen can be miserable off it. Children who sound perfect in blog posts and Facebook updates may be little shits in real life. And online 'friends' might have absolutely nothing in common when you put them in a room together.

We post what we want people to know, we filter information and refine it, and then people see it through the lens of their own preconceived ideas. And that's okay. Just understand that what you see is not always the whole truth.

And if I'm leading a glamorous life, then you're a flying unicorn.

Hang on... you're NOT a flying unicorn, are you?

49 comments:

  1. I don't believe anyone's life is really "glamourous"... not 100% of the time - heck, probably not 10% of the time...


    I mean, I'd imagine The Queen wakes up everyday with bed-mouth and bed-hair - she get's up, takes a dump - thinks, cor blimey, that's wiffy - eats some breakfast - admittedly, probably some nice brekky with nice utensils - but it's still just breakfast - the she goes to work, like the rest of us... does boring shit like paperwork... she might go somewhere during the day, but she's just driving around in a car like the rest of us... meets some new people... most of whom are probably boring as bat-shit talking about boring bat-shit stuff that she has no interest in - then she goes home, sits around waiting to go to sleep... brushes her teeth... her head hits the pillow, and she probably sighs to herself and thinks she has to do the same old shit all over again the next day...


    Yeah... that's glamorous!


    Think of any famous person, and their days are gonna be filled up with the same old dull and boring shit that the rest of us have to put up with - yeah, sure, occasionally they get to do some cool stuff... but, like I said, that probably only takes up 10% of their lives... and who says the glamorous stuff they do is any more exciting than, say, having breakfast with your mum and your best friend...?


    :)

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  2. But of course I am a flying unicorn! Aren't you?

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  3. This is why I like to blog about the shitful things, because I refuse to believe that anyone is perfect or anyone's lives are as amazing as they'd like us to believe. I do wish you'd come to Adelaide one day and share a day doing not much. x

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  4. So true Kerri. Everything always looks peachy from the outside looking in. I remember friends and family being shocked when I left my first marriage. To them everything was perfect, but on the inside I was in turmoil. I think we need a little reality check sometimes to remind ourselves no-ones life is perfect and we each have our own personal battles.
    And staying home is one of my favourite things! My word it is glamorous!

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  5. I actually DO live a glamorous life. For example, right now I am sitting in my lovely fibro box in Boganville, wearing my bestest trakkie daks and sporting a dodgy at home dye job. Classy. Jealous, much?
    Now your life really does seem glamorous, right?
    Thanks for keeping it real. xo

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  6. My life's changed since my seachange late last year, but before that - as a 45yr old single person, people assumed I was living the high life - endless bubblebaths (true) and meals out (not true). In reality I came home after a long day of work, to an empty apartment so lay in the bath and read and drank champagne (cos I had no one to talk to and nothing started on TV until 8.30). I'd then camp in front of the tv until it was time for bed. On weekends I'd do chores and catch up with blogging stuff. My friends in couples or with kids 'raved' over my ability to lie in the bath - for me it was something I did cos I was a bit bored and had nothing else to do. It's always that 'outside looking in' thing. Plus we share the good stuff on SM. I do it now. I probably have a meal / coffee / drink out once a week and often tweet / FB it and so there's probably a perception I'm constantly out and about.


    Note to self, share more pictures of me in front of the tele!

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  7. So true. And it's good not to put everything out there all the time. Mystery and all that jazz.
    Except me, of course. I've just eaten my fifth Mars bar for the day. GLAMMING IT UP, BABY.

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  8. This is why I leave my child off of social media - I don't want to create a perception of her or my life that doesn't match reality. Oh look how happy we are! Forget that five minutes ago she punched me in the nose because she didn't want to put on that cute outfit. Anyway, She doesn't even have a say in it. As for creating perceptions of myself, well, that's why I don't let people tag me in anything!

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  9. Interesting comment about online friends, Kerri. Back in my Twitter days when I was on all the time, I *met* some great people. I've even met some of them in real life, and without exception, it was as if we'd known each other for years. We had a great time, and then we all went home to our normal lives. For those few short hours, it was awesome. I do lots of awesome, but very little glamour....

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  10. Lana (Sharpest Pencil)August 8, 2013 at 4:39 PM

    Let's meet for lunch next week just to spice things up a bit xxxx

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  11. JoCountrylifeexperimentAugust 8, 2013 at 5:52 PM

    I find it interesting when people talk about moving to the country, and how lovely and wonderful rural living must be. Don't get me wrong, there are many great parts to it, but alot of it is isolation and hard work, which isn't nearly as fun as cute baby animals and gourmet home grown meals.

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  12. That's very interesting; I hadn't looked at it that way. All we see are the exciting moments in people's lives but it's the quiet times they spend that are more determinant of who they are as a person. Going to definitely keep this blog posting in mind as I worry about staying in too much, etc. None of us have the perfect life but then again maybe what we have isn't as bad as we think it is. Now I here I go getting all philosophical!

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  13. I grew up on a farm (quarter section in Saskatchewan which is a tiny farm out there). You're right there is alot of work. My dad was partially paralyzed so I got to do all the fun stuff as a 13 year old - fixing the roof when it was leaking; climbing down into the well pumphouse to find the snakes that curled around the warm motor (I hate snakes) and spending weekends fixing fences. And if the pigs break out at 3AM you can't ignore that the next day no matter what your plans are :)


    But I grew up with a great respect for animals and a good knowledge of where our food comes from (I hate the large food factories - I think it's one of the cruelest things people can do to animals - they are much more intelligent than we give them credit for)



    On the positive side; there are lots of benefits and the solitude can be great. Actually seeing the stars at night which sadly I can't see in Toronto is by itself a miracle.

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  14. Lol - I really enjoyed this post... It's so true that people only put the things online that they want people to hear. Everyone sees the grass as being greener on the other side.

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  15. I think this ... and want to say it to people ALL the time. I always find people's perceptions of a situation very interesting, especially when I know the reality behind what they are seeing!

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  16. God I hope the Queen's life is more glamorous than mine. It would be awful to have to live that life and not have a teensy bit of glamour in there!

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  17. And that's why I LOVE your blog. You are genuinely honest, you're just not pretending to be honest. xxx

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  18. That is SO true. I used to think everyone else had perfect lives. Now I know no-one has a perfect life. There are just shades of imperfection x

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  19. I have only once had my hair professionally dyed. It looked like shit. I use one of those supermarket packets. (Actually, I use two at a time. My hair is too thick for one. And I spill half on the bathroom floor.) xxxxx

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  20. OMG I love bubble baths! LOVE them. But yeah. I totally hear you xxx

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  21. LOL. Smart!!! And I don't put my kids on SM either. But that's because they are so perfect other people will get jealous. *coughs*

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  22. I tell people all the time that they should not confuse my Facebook life with my real life. I don't share the shit bits.

    I spent 20 mins with a scourer and jif getting the yellow stains off the underside of the loo seat and later that night I flew tothe Maldives. I once flew to Sydney (from Singapore) for 48 hours and all I saw was Silverwater Correctional Centre.

    Ying and yang.

    Life is long and complex and we allneedthe light to balance the shade.

    X

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  23. I met my two besties in the world on Twitter. And I met you. That was a disappointment. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
    You are one of the real ones. You know that Fendi xxxxx

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  24. Especially if the home grown meals ARE the baby animals, yes??? xxx

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  25. That does seem sad, not to see the stars.

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  26. Sorry, no time to write, I'm looking for an old bloke with beard who's built a boat in his back yard and is at this very moment corralling in animals two-by-two. I don't want to miss out again!

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  27. 'It's the quiet times they spend that are more determinant of who they are as a person'. That is SOOOOO true. Thanks Colin x

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  28. YES. And it's not. Well, sometimes it is, but not usually. x

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  29. You are so right Kerri, we all present a facade to the world, allowing it to see what we want it to ... more often than not that is not the real thing. People need to look beyond what they hear and see to find what lies behind. I admit I am impressed by what you have achieved, not an easy thing when raising a family and living an ordinary life. It is the many little things that we achieve that make our lives extraordinary. Yolanda

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  30. I know I'm very late to respond to your post Kerri, (as per usual!) but I had to comment on your lucid piece. You highlight the disparity between appearance and reality so well - something that's always been around but is now amplified through social media. Enjoy your bubble, you deserve it :)

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  31. This is why I love you. Absolutely spot on xxxx

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  32. This is so true! There are so many assumptions and expectations placed on writers and bloggers to be accountable for their activities and lives. It's crazy.
    When I get to Sydney we will go out to dinner. Or to see an adult movie. Something rated M. Or R or XXx if you're into that but personally I am a shy thing.

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  33. Last night I sat on the floor putting together flat pack furniture and simultaneously writing two articles. Someone called me and said 'how's the fabulous single life?'... and refused to believe me when I said what I was doing. 'No, no' they laughed 'we know the truth - you're getting ready to go out!' Yes. And I am, indeed, a flying unicorn. With glitter sparkle wings. xxx

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  34. I know exactly what you mean Kerri, I think most of the time on social media people only really think to post things others will also be interested in. I mean, I am not going to post a picture of shower scum, because that's gross, but I will post a pic of a celebratory champagne or a new piece of jewellery because that's lovely. But then again, I do also love a pic that is just the beauty of the everyday.



    Real life is just inherently different from reel life. It just has to be. x

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  35. I think your tags on the right side of your page give a better picture of your life, actually - Anxiety/Stress (30), Embarrassing Moments (43), Food (28), Kids (72), Vagina (1).
    That about sums it up, doesn't it? xx

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  36. Ah well, I beat you all. I live in the heart of Paris, 5 minutes from the Louvre and have a Renaissance house in the Loire Valley. In the eyes of folks back in Australia, that means that my life is a charm. They never seem to realise that all the problems you have in life don't just disappear because of where you're living. So I agree with you 100%.

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  37. I love this post, Kerri. Thanks for making us all feel less inadequate.

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  38. As soon as I read "adult film" I thought you meant porn, and thought wow your life is different from mine. While I am a home body my entertainment is more along the lines of cooking shows.

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  39. JoCountrylifeexperimentAugust 10, 2013 at 10:19 PM

    That's about it.... and lots of animal poo too!

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  40. I am not sure I would want to be a flying unicorn....hahaha

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  41. Last time I checked, I definitely couldn't fly... x

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