My Amazing Discovery, Or, How To End War

I have made an amazing discovery about human relationships. And it will change your life. Truly. Every parent needs to know this. Every married person needs to know this. Every boss needs to know this.

Hell, every person in the universe needs to know this.

It is the secret to interpersonal harmony.

I made this discovery yesterday, when two of the kids were running around the house in their animal onesies. My elder daughter was out, but the five year old was dressed as a pink and white unicorn, and her fourteen year old brother was a dashing striped zebra*.

That is not me. But it is my onesie.

 

I, too, was dressed in a onesie. I was a black and pink pig, with a nice round snout, a bum zip for convenience, and a lovely long tail. I may have looked slightly demented**, but I was comfortable as anything.

And then, after a couple of hours, I made my incredible discovery. I realised there had been not one cross word that evening. Not. Even. One.

Now, my kids generally get along pretty well. However, the eldest and the youngest do annoy each other quite frequently. Either the little one bugs her brother, or he wants more personal space, or she gets upset because he's not doing what she asked.

Last night, however, it was absolutely harmonious.

Could it have been the onesies?

Well, tonight I tried it again. We all put on our animal suits. And the result? Beautiful, perfect calm. It is a miracle. And it works.

Try it and you will see. It is impossible to engage in conflict with someone who is wearing an animal onesie. You can't argue with someone who is dressed like a bunny. You can't even speak harshly to a person wearing ears and a tail.

If every family member wore animal onesies every day, there would be no more fighting. If people went to work dressed as bears and piggies and unicorns, productivity would skyrocket. If politicians dressed for Question Time as bunnies and hippos and elephants, our budget would be in surplus.

If everyone in the world wore animal onesies, there would be an end to war.

So please, go out and buy an animal onesie, and wear it EVERYDAY. The future of the humanity depends on you.

And besides, you're going to look as cute as a button.

*Well, all zebras are striped, so perhaps that was tautological.
**Okay, very very demented