Happiness???

Last week on The Daily Edition* we were discussing happiness. The UK developers of an app called Mappiness have drawn all sorts of conclusions about when people are the most happy, for example, when they are in natural environments, on the weekends as opposed to weekdays, when the sun is shining, when they are with friends, and so on.

I'm really interested in the concept of happiness. Actually, I'm really interested in the concept of pursuing happiness. The primary goal of my life is to be happy and fulfilled. But in order for that to happen, the people I love need to be happy too - I can't possibly be truly happy if my kids are unhappy. Presuming that they are happy (which is a big presumption, because children are not automatically happy and the biggest challenge a parent can face is to raise a happy child) then how can I be happy?

I see happiness as being very different to pleasure. Pleasure is transitory. Pleasurable activities feel good, physically or emotionally or both. Some of my favourites include:

• Reading a great book in the bath
• Getting a massage
• Laughing hysterically
• Cuddling my kids
• Cuddling my kitten
• Cuddling Simon Baker**
• Eating steak bernaise with chips
• Seeing a fabulous movie
• Sleeping in on a Sunday morning
• Watching my kids play together
• Getting breakfast in bed
• Talking to my besties
• Having the perfect cappuccino
• Having sex with Simon Baker***

All of those activities bring me great pleasure, and I will feel happy in those moments, but they are not what bring me lasting happiness. The things that have brought me lasting happiness are far fewer, but far more significant. They are

• Having my three kids
• My friendships with my besties
• My close relationship with my parents
• My writing career
• My online community

The things that bring you sustained happiness aren't necessarily the things you'd expect. In my experience, money can buy you pleasurable moments, but not happiness. Food can give you moments of pleasure, but not happiness. A long awaited career opportunity can bring you great fulfilment, or stress and disappointment. Friends can be your greatest joy or can be toxic and destructive.

Think about what has brought you pleasure in your life. It's probably fairly predictable. But think about what has brought you real happiness and you may be very surprised.

Thoughts?

*the Channel 7 afternoon show (I appear on a panel every Tuesday. Watch it. It's fun.)
**Okay, so I've only done that once, but it was awesome
***Okay, so I haven't done that at all, but I'm SURE I'd like it