But I digress.
I left the five year old in the bath (fear not, she can swim now) and crawled back to the kitchen to clean up after dinner. Just as I had hauled the last remaining plate into the dishwasher and cleared the final globules of tomato sauce from the table, I heard nothing.
Yes. Nothing. And that is never a good sign.
I ran back to the bathroom. And there was the five year old, happily playing in the bath. Happily playing with a bottle of shampoo and a bottle of bubble bath. Happily playing with a bottle of shampoo and a bottle of bubble bath that she had emptied all over the side of the bath.
|Such Pretty Colours|
I yelled. I scolded. I curled in the fetal position and sobbed. But the five year old sobbed harder.
"I didn't know, Mummy!" she cried. "You never told me I can't do that! You have to tell me these things! I'm only five and I'm not as smart as you! I didn't know!"
So, for the elucidation of my five year old and five year olds everywhere, here is the List Of Things You Shouldn't Do. Please feel free to add your own.
1. Do not write on the walls. Even if it is 'very beautiful handwriting'.
2. Do not throw food. Even if it is 'disgusting'.
3. Do not hit your brother. Even if he is 'very very annoying'.
4. Do not hit me. Ditto.
5. Do not spit out food. See point 2.
6. Do not cut things with scissors without checking with me. Particularly hair, clothes, important-looking documents and the cat.
7. Do not scribble on your sister's homework. Even if it does 'make it very much better'.
8. Do not empty liquid anything onto the floor. I think we've covered that one.
9. Do not break things. Even if they 'weren't important'. Your definition of what is not important and mine are rather different. For example, I quite like my mobile phone.
10. Do not draw on my face with permanent marker when I am sleeping on the couch. It takes hours to wash off and I don't have time because I am cleaning up the bloody bathroom.