Life is hard. I've known that for a while, but sometimes the fact of life's hardness slaps me in the face and grabs me by the hair and twists me around and throws me against the wall.
Life is hard. Parenting is hard and relationships are fraught and friends can disappoint and loved ones can get sick and people die and there is no smooth path to eternity.
Life is hard. The past couple of weeks have been especially hard for me. Actually, the past couple of months have been especially hard for me. Hell, the past couple of years have been especially hard for me. There has been great joy, beautiful moments, lots of love and lots of laughter. But interspersed with the joy and the beauty and the laughter has been confusion and complication and worry and grief. My mind has felt messy, and my life has felt messy. I have made choices that I've regretted, and choices that I've regretted not making sooner. I have struggled to make sense of it all, and wondered how I'm going to proceed in the future.
I have always been flooded with amazing support. I have people who love me and care for me and boost me up when times are rough. I have people who empathise and sympathise and offer practical help. And I cherish all of them. I feel lucky and grateful.
But today someone gave me something no-one else had. I was pouring out my soul to her and she listened for a long time. I told her about my mistakes and my anxieties and my fears and my regrets, and she shared some of hers, and we laughed and we understood.
Then she said, "That's okay. It's all okay."
And I believed her. It is okay. It's all okay. I'll muddle through, as I've always muddled through, and so will you. Life is hard and it's messy and it can be complicated and sad. But that's okay. It's all okay.
That's how it's supposed to be.