The Truth About Boys

I never had brothers growing up. Though I went to a co-ed school, and saw boys in their natural habitat, I never saw them alone, never saw the way they interacted together when there were no girls present. What do they talk about? I used to wonder. How do they play?

Well, now I have a thirteen year old son who often has group of friends over. And so now I have access to the secret world of the male.

At this very moment I am eavesdropping on my son and seven of his friends. I can say with confidence that now, people, NOW I know what they do.

BOYS (from, er, a backstreet)

• They yell. They whoop. They jeer. They scream.
• They play Wii with passion. It can get vicious out there.
• They make jokes about their testicles. Using the word 'testicle'.
• They insult each other. Gleefully.
• They mock each other mercilessly. "Heh heh heh heh heh," they say. With relish.
• They talk frequently about how awesome they are. "I am AWESOME!" they proclaim.
• They call each other weird names.
• They speak in funny accents and with funny voices. Loudly.
• They use in-jokes, all the time. They quote from school. They quote from YouTube videos. They quote from TV. They bastardize popular song lyrics. And they make up alternatives to Gangnam Style. It never gets old. To them, anyway.
• They get each others' attention by screaming "GUYS!" at the top of their lungs. No-one listens.
• They don't bother with niceties. "Put that down!" "Turn that off!" "Somebody press play!" "Shut up Alex". Nobody seems to mind.
• They say "flippin" a lot.
• They are very big on sarcasm.
• They rage quit when something goes wrong. They recover quickly.
• They threaten each other with violence. On occasion, they follow through.
• They laugh, about the most ridiculous things. They laugh a lot. It is a beautiful thing.