January 19, 2013

Nutella? I Call BULLSHIT


A couple of years ago, when I was releasing When My Husband Does The Dishes, I contacted the Australian distributors of Nutella. Given that there were dozens of references to Nutella in my book, dozens of references to Nutella in my blog, and hundreds of references to Nutella in my tweets (and that I was so famous for my Nutella addiction I was being sent Nutella recipes, images and information almost daily), I thought that perhaps they would like to sponsor my launch.

My request went through to marketing, who seemed interested in the idea. I was in discussions with them right up until the last minute. And then, a couple of weeks before the launch, they changed their mind. Apparently the way that I portrayed Nutella in my musings - as a big jar of chocolatey fantabulousness that one digs into with a spoon with animal abandon - was not in line with their policy of promoting Nutella as a 'healthy breakfast option'.

Yup.

Well guess what Nutella?

NOBODY BELIEVES THAT.

Last night I saw the latest ad for Nutella on TV. It is full of delightful images of morning, and healthy, glowing people, and sunshine, and attractive, sporty men. And I watched it and I threw my Nutella-encrusted spoon at the TV  because yet again the Nutella folks are lying to me.



THIS IS NOT HOW WE EAT NUTELLA, people! In fact, this is not WHO eats Nutella! The ad is full of men (post surfing, in their business suits, pulling a coffee) and a smattering of happy kids, eating Nutella on wholesome bread and toast. The only women in the ad are either serving breakfast to their children, or giggling alongside their Nutella-scoffing boyfriends. (Two of the chicks manage to score a single bite of their boyfriends' Nutella toast, but it is quickly snatched away. Clearly one bite is all they're allowed. Perhaps the boyfriends are worried they'll gain weight?)

I am so tired of the Nutella propaganda that bears no relation to the truth. For once, I would love Nutella to release an ad that is real. Pre-menstrual women weeping and shoveling Nutella into their faces with a spoon. Post-menstrual women eating Nutella for dessert. Gleeful pre-schoolers painting with Nutella all over the kitchen. Teenage girls gorging on Nutella crepes in a cafe. Mums eating their kids' leftover crusts with a three  inch topping of Nutella. Nutella fudgsicles. Nutella brownies. Nutella microwave mud cake. Nutella on ice cream. Nutella as the treat food it really is.

If Nutella is a healthy hazelnut spread, then I am a cave woman who hunts for food. Except that I'm not. Okay, so I may have the tiniest remnants of cave woman DNA in me, but I am a 21st century Jew who buys instant noodles and cans of peaches. Similarly, though Nutella may technically have a few hazelnuts in it, it is essentially a chocolate spread that we eat when we're depressed or need to celebrate or are feeling fat or one of the billion other reasons we women eat chocolate. We don't eat it because it's healthy, because it's not. And and we certainly don't feel virtuous when we feed it to our kids, because it's chocolate (although we do feed it to them anyway, because they love it and it shuts them up and we are crap parents).

So Nutella, please come clean and start telling the truth in your advertising.

And when I launch my next book, I would really love to hear from you.

50 comments:

  1. Hear hear Kerri!

    I eat nutella out of the jar with a spoon when I have ANY emotion. My husband doesn't eat it and my son isn't fast enough to get it before me

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  2. Brilliantly elegant rant lovely lady. I eat it at 10 pm when I have had too much to drink and should really be in my bed. Instead I pretend to clean out the pantry while I use a baby spoon to portion shovel Nutella into me. Nutella people, you would sell many more of those paint pot sized tubs if you were honest about treating it as the food equivalent of trashy celebrity mags.

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  3. Hahaha!!! That's awesome! Who are those arseholes trying to kid?!? Feeling torn between boycotting them for their attempt at deception, and rushing out to buy a massive fuck off jar of the stuff thanks to your compelling sales pitch.

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  4. Nailed it. On the head, with a sledgehammer. *Applaudes*

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  5. I don't eat Nutella - this is because of my policy of never taking anything addictive - it's on my list next to heroin, meth, crack, and Kardashians...but you're spot on Kerri...every Nutella addict I know uses the stuff with wild abandon...they don't eat it to stay healthy...they eat it to escape the dreariness of their everyday lives...


    Maybe you should offer your services to the Federal Government for some community awareness campaigns about the dangers of Nutella addiction?

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  6. NEVER!!!!! in our house, has a knife with Nutella on it ever made contact with a slice of anything that even resembles bread!!! My son eats it with a spoon, last night, in the heat, he almost drank it from the jar. He, on occasions will spoon it directly into fresh cooked pancakes, only so he can scoop it up with his hands and inhale the whole thing!!! I'm with you ... Let's see truth in advertising!

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  7. I maybe in the small minority who has never tried it. But if they sponsor you and make a believable ad I will.

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  8. I have offered. They haven't taken up the offer. I just don't understand why.

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  9. Perhaps you're better off not trying....

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  10. Have you ever tasted it on bread? It is foul and nasty. Further cementing the fact that the only way it is to be consumed is with a spoon, straight from the jar.

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  11. The ACTUAL list of ingredients on the jar in order: Sugar,, Vegetable oil, Hazelnuts 13%, skim milk powder 8.7%, Fat reduced cocoa powder 7.4%, Emulsifier (lecithin), flavouring (vanillin)
    As far as my non-maths genius brain can deduce, that means approx 70% is sugar and oil.
    I'm thinking the healthiest thing about Nutella is the effort expended in opening the jar.
    Perhaps they're hoping we are all in such a sugar coma that we can't read the label?

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  12. Who isn't a comfort eater? Most shoppers are comfort eaters to get the comfort - ha ha and THEY Nutella are your customers. Do yourself a favour and try... humour sells better than fake and sex

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  13. Lisa @ Blithe MomentsJanuary 19, 2013 at 6:08 PM

    As far as I'm concerned the only way to eat nutella is straight out of the jar on a spoon or in microwave mud cake. I have never eaten it on bread, somehow it doesn't appeal. Personally I think they should just admit it. Get a clever advertising agency to do a series of ads shown at adult viewing time with all the stealthy ways us women eat nutella. It would be hugely popular.

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  14. sorry Kerri I didn't get to end of ur blog or comments this time I don't like it at all!

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  15. Love it, maybe we should boycott them till they give us an add portraying reality. (like that's never going to happen) Vegemite is my thing, especially after a few too many. Must be the vitamin B. xx

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  16. WOULDN'T IT JUST??? We should write it for them.

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  17. NO! Impossible!!!! You don't like Nutella??????

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  18. I must say I do love my Vegemite too. Nutella for sweet, Veg for savoury. x

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  19. Nutella is my daughter's favourite food! She is 19 and still has bread with her nutella :-) We say it this way as I have never seen so much Nutella on a piece of bread in my life. Glad to hear there are other enthusiasts - I will be forwarding this on to her for her to read :-)

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  20. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they read this post.

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  21. I get that shit from Costco. 2 jars shrink-wrapped together. Couldn't agree more!!! In fact my kids and I call it Chocolate Spoon. Junkie.

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  22. NOOO! Vegemite for me - honey if I want sweet. leaves more for you though!

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  23. Fuck the manufacturers of Nutella for their obvious neglect of you, Kerri. I shall stop eating it. Oh wait, I never have........

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  24. I used to eat Nutella straight from the jar, now I don't even buy it anymore. I've switched to sweetened condensed milk, strictly for the calcium you understand. I'm looking after my health don't you know.

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  25. I buy jars of Nutella, eat them, buy replacement jars, eat them, weep, buy more ... IT'S SO HARD.


    THAT is truth in advertising. Xxxx

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  26. This ad is crazy. I have never seen a man eat Nutella.

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  27. I love Nutella. Tormented my kids on Friday night by eating it with a spoon in front of them because they annoyed me.

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  28. Those ads do not make me want to buy Nutella. This blogpost does. Love your work Kerri!

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  29. Yes, I occasionally have bread with my Nutella. But usually I just have a spoon.

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  30. And an excellent move that is, too...

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  31. Ironically enough, if you look at the nutritional info, 20g of nutella (the amount recommended to be put on 2 pieces of toast) has 2-3 times the amount of sugar, sodium, fat and kj a a single cup of coco pops - and EVERYONE knows they're rubbish!!

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  32. I've never been a nutella fan - but I reckon the same applies to Milo (although I know some people drink it watered down with milk, or do the same for their kids and pretend to themselves that it is healthy). So much better straight from the tin. I first discovered the joys of milo, with just enough milk to turn it into a thick mixture, which I called a slurry, as a teenager, and every now and then (like now) I regress back - yum! Only disappointment is not trademarking the name before McDonalds got onto it and made their own version - not anything like a real slurry (for one thing, they should use milo!)

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  33. PS - Got curious about milo advertising - according to the tin, milo boosts the calcium of milk by 70% and is a low GI food which keeps energy levels steady (despite being 46% sugar!!) (Sorry to hijack your post on nutella with my milo stories, but it got me interested - not sure who they think they're kidding!)

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  34. Kerri, today in Dubai I discovered Nutella in handy handbag sized toothpaste tubes. I obviously thought of you straight away ;)

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  35. Oh my God - pardon me for piggybacking here - but Nutella in a tube!? Well, that just negates the need for a spoon. What a wondrous invention!!

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  36. It's half price at Coles this week! Bought a jar for the first time in ages. Best impulse buy ever, have attacked with a big spoon a few times already. And yes serious PMS here

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