November 1, 2012

I MADE SEXY WORDS!!!

Let me preface this post by stating that I am not good at languages*. I went to a Jewish day school and the only second language we were taught until high school was Hebrew, and I absolutely sucked at that. This was partly because I just don't have a good ear for languages (particularly guttural Middle Eastern languages that sound like an ongoing exercise in throat-clearing), and partly because the Hebrew teachers at the time were Maths teachers shipped out from Israel, who had no experience whatsoever in the teaching of language. In fact, they had very little grasp of English at all, which led to us treating them with the shocking adolescent contempt reserved for weak and insecure teachers. One teacher, in particular - who we called 'Auntie Edna' for reasons which escape me - earned our particular wrath.

"Do you know what 'shit' means, Auntie Edna?" one boy asked.

"I know only what it is I want to know," she answered haughtily, which I suspect wasn't true at all, but was a pretty good answer nonetheless.

Later, in high school, I studied French, because I loved listening to French people talk, and had visions of myself ordering croissants and cafe au lait in Paris. Sadly, I discovered very quickly that I sucked at French, too. And - unlike my forced study of Hebrew - I really, really wanted to learn French. I studied really hard. I read the books and listened to the tapes and practiced every day. Once I left school I studied French at uni, and once I left uni I studied French at the Alliance Francaise, just for fun. And now, after all that work, I can order croissants and cafe au lait. But I still can't book a hotel room in French or order a taxi or understand a word of SBS Friday night porn. I really am just a cultural Fail.

The top line says 'Kerri Sackville' in Italian
Which leads me to my one second language success. Because I have before me the Italian version of When My Husband Does the Dishes. Yes, I have actually written a book in Italian. And it is beautiful. It says things like 'Una delle grandi e tragiche ironie' and 'Come tutti sappiamo' and 'Una chiamata sul cellular potrebbe', and while I don't have a clue what they all mean, they sound absolutely magnificent and damn sexy besides.

I received a couple of copies of the book, which means I have one to giveaway. So if you speak Italian, or you know someone who speaks Italian who would like a copy of my fabulous and hilarious memoir, leave a comment below and I will choose the best and most deserving to win.

Ciao, mes amis. Or something like that....

*English excluded**
**hopefully

27 comments:

  1. I'm surprised there was an actual literal translation of "When my husband does the dishes" into Italian...

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  2. Italian men don't do dishes. I bet the title of the book is actually "When my husbnad polishes my Vespa."

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  3. ITALIAN!! Congrats on that BTW!
    Sadly I don't speak Italian. Hubby and I went there for our honeymoon, many moons ago, and did an Italian course before leaving. He spoke it well, I could say Ciao. So he spoke and I drove.

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  4. I'm very good at languages...that which I learned when cooking professionally in restaurant kitchens!!! I became very proficient; and I've managed to retain all words I learned! ;)

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  5. I don't speak or read Italian, but congratulations!

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  6. Siamo a turno a fare i piatti che non rientrano nella lavastoviglie.

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  7. The only really important word I know in Italian is 'manja' - which means FOOD! And frankly that's all you really need to know in any language! Am I right? Oh! And gratzi... THANKS FOR THE FOOD!

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  8. My second language is Australian. Does that count?

    http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/

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  9. I can just about order lunch in Italian, but I don't speak it well enough to read a whole memoir, sadly! I suppose it could be an educational experience, but then, your exploits might come across in unintended ways...

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  10. Oooh! That sounds a bit dangerous...

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  11. I once had to mime 'flour' in an Italian grocery store (lots of wheaty, wheaty, grindy, grindy...) so I suspect I would struggle with this translation, however I would love to give it to my friend Kate who is setting up her business to teach Italian in the context of your favourite pastime. Brilliant! (it's 'farina' btw)

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  12. La mia moglie, Nadia, e Italiane. Io parlo un poccino. I can teach you Italian swear words, which are a beautiful, expressive way to swear...but only if I get the book. Ciao bella. x

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  13. Very cool indeed. I did three years of Italian at high school although I can't remember much just odd words such as 'finestra' which I think is window and 'schimia' monkey. Which suppose would come in handy there was a monkey at my window when I go to Rome.

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  14. No. If it had been I would have said "When my husband polishes his Vespa." ;)

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  15. I know I'm too late for the giveaway, but do you know where I could purchase this book from?

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