October 24, 2012

Lance Armstrong, PEDs, and the Busy Working Mum

So the truth has come out. Lance Armstrong has been using Performance Enhancing Drugs for years. Who knew?*

Lance still hasn't admitted to his wrongdoing, but plenty of others in the sport of cycling have. And this has inspired me to finally come clean about my own experience with PEDs. Because it is obvious to the entire world that I am a user.

I am embarrassed, truly. I am remorseful. I am ashamed. But in my defence, I couldn't possibly get through my days as a Busy Working Mum without some kind of chemical assistance. And besides, everybody other BWM is using too. So how could I keep up with them if I wasn't?
In Less Shameful Times
Mornings, for example, would be impossible without PEDs. My three children need to be at school at eight fifteen am. Did you hear me? EIGHT FIFTEEN AM. There is no way I can get three kids dressed, fed and out the door by eight fifteen am without the use of caffeine. Hell, I probably wouldn’t get them out the door by ten. Every other mother is mainlining coffee, and if I abstain, then my kids will be the last in the car, the last to pull up at school, and the last to get into class. And I just can't risk it. It's about a perfect school attendance record.

Later, in the morning, it's time for work. Now, I know it's theoretically possible to write blog posts and columns and books without the use of stimulants. But I could not compete in the cut throat world of Mummy Blogging and professional writing without that extra edge that two or three cups of tea gives me. The hit of caffeine and sugar allow me to write at a super fast pace, my fingers flying over the keyboard, hundreds of words at a time. It's part of my routine. I just need to keep on top of the game.

Mid afternoon, and I need another injection of PEDs. This time, I need energy to drive to school at a competitive pace, and score one of the rare and valuable parking spots in the overcrowded streets. Without my afternoon hit of sugar straight into the bloodstream (think biscuits, muffins, cakes or scones), I would be circling the block pitifully for an hour as my kids wait forlornly on the corner. If I want to get in to school and get out again before nightfall, I have no choice but to use.

Evening falls, and it is the end of another frantic day. But I am stressed from my life as a Busy Working Mum, and need a little something to help me unwind. It is time for more PEDs; wine, this time - red, white or sparkling - and a nice piece of chocolate. I relax, sleep soundly, regain some much needed strength, and awake ready to face the next challenging day.

When the whole vicious cycle begins again.

*Well, most of the world, actually. But that's beside the point.

27 comments:

  1. Whole vicious cycle starts again? No pun intended of course. :-)

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  2. 8.15am!? I'm surprised you don't need something stronger than coffee for that..

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  3. I don't drink coffee. I don't drink tea. That means I can start the day by moving straight onto alcohol, yes? It's that or replace all my blood, and that shit takes TIME.

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  4. God! I had to take two doses of PEDs just from reading about your daily must-do chores! I became exhausted from picturing you rushing around everywhere! Pardon me, but I must go and top up, again - I just have to have some more...or I won't make it through the rest of the morning!! (Any excuse for me to make another latte for myself)!! ;)

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  5. I am PED user too. I find my intake has increased substantially following the birth of each subsequent child.

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  6. At your children's graduations, they now get to thank "Mum and Dad, the teachers, Lindt, Vittoria, Oyster Bay and White Wings for getting us through!."

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  7. I SO do. And we are late ALL THE TIME.

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  8. Honey, we've all noticed the IV drip of Cab Sav you carry round with you....

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  9. And a skinny cappucino extra hot for me, while you're at it? x

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  10. Which is why we can't have any more. WE'D NEVER GET OFF THE LOO.

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  11. Remind me again why they banned Bex?

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  12. Oh yes I hear you. Seriously depend on my shot of chocolate around 3pm every afternoon and then hourly until bedtime. Side effects, not so good though.

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  13. I don't know. And Dexal is just NOT THE SAME.

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  14. Yes, I'm allergic to chocolate. It inexplicably makes me gain weight.*coughs*

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  15. Lisa @ Bithe MomentsOctober 24, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    Even non mothers rely heavily on those PED's. I'm on tea number 5 which was accompanied by chocolate just now.

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  16. Oh yes. I just use motherhood as an excuse. I actually require the PEDs because I'm HUMAN. Life is impossible without them....

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  17. OMG, I think you just posted about me :)

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  18. Mad bad woman! should be more of you out there!

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  19. LOVE it, Kerri. My PED of choice is a shot of antihistamine of an evening so that I sleep through our 10pm/3am/RANDOM waker. Oh and some St John's Wort to stop me from hurting someone. Hope you're enjoying some vino right now. Kx

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  20. coffee, sugar, carbs, chocolate, chips, wine and scotch - hit me up lady! i'll take whatever you've got!!


    seriously, i tired yoga and found out the hard way - it doesn't work!!


    i'll take my PED's - purely as a means of survival - for all of us
    xxx

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  21. Antihistamine? Oh you are into the HARD stuff!

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