Lance Armstrong, PEDs, and the Busy Working Mum

So the truth has come out. Lance Armstrong has been using Performance Enhancing Drugs for years. Who knew?*

Lance still hasn't admitted to his wrongdoing, but plenty of others in the sport of cycling have. And this has inspired me to finally come clean about my own experience with PEDs. Because it is obvious to the entire world that I am a user.

I am embarrassed, truly. I am remorseful. I am ashamed. But in my defence, I couldn't possibly get through my days as a Busy Working Mum without some kind of chemical assistance. And besides, everybody other BWM is using too. So how could I keep up with them if I wasn't?

In Less Shameful Times

Mornings, for example, would be impossible without PEDs. My three children need to be at school at eight fifteen am. Did you hear me? EIGHT FIFTEEN AM. There is no way I can get three kids dressed, fed and out the door by eight fifteen am without the use of caffeine. Hell, I probably wouldn’t get them out the door by ten. Every other mother is mainlining coffee, and if I abstain, then my kids will be the last in the car, the last to pull up at school, and the last to get into class. And I just can't risk it. It's about a perfect school attendance record.

Later, in the morning, it's time for work. Now, I know it's theoretically possible to write blog posts and columns and books without the use of stimulants. But I could not compete in the cut throat world of Mummy Blogging and professional writing without that extra edge that two or three cups of tea gives me. The hit of caffeine and sugar allow me to write at a super fast pace, my fingers flying over the keyboard, hundreds of words at a time. It's part of my routine. I just need to keep on top of the game.

Mid afternoon, and I need another injection of PEDs. This time, I need energy to drive to school at a competitive pace, and score one of the rare and valuable parking spots in the overcrowded streets. Without my afternoon hit of sugar straight into the bloodstream (think biscuits, muffins, cakes or scones), I would be circling the block pitifully for an hour as my kids wait forlornly on the corner. If I want to get in to school and get out again before nightfall, I have no choice but to use.

Evening falls, and it is the end of another frantic day. But I am stressed from my life as a Busy Working Mum, and need a little something to help me unwind. It is time for more PEDs; wine, this time - red, white or sparkling - and a nice piece of chocolate. I relax, sleep soundly, regain some much needed strength, and awake ready to face the next challenging day.

When the whole vicious cycle begins again.

*Well, most of the world, actually. But that's beside the point.