I am writing to complain about your Coles Ultra Booster Plus Everyday Soaker with the Improved Easy to Open Cap.
Now, I've been buying your Coles Ultra Booster Plus Everyday Soaker for a while now, with the unimproved, original cap. And let me tell you, it opened just fine. You simply stuck your finger under the tab and woo hoo! Off it came. A true miracle of plastic technology. You could even put the cap back on again, too.
So you can imagine my joy when I saw the Improved Easy to Open Cap on my most recently purchased tub of Coles Ultra Booster Plus Everyday Soaker.
'Wow,' I thought, fingering the smooth white curves of the container. 'They've improved on perfection? Amazing. I mean, it was easy to open before. How much easier must it be now? Perhaps I won't even need to stick my finger on the tab anymore. Perhaps I'll just wish the cap open, and it will pop off, all by itself!'
So imagine my surprise - my profound, disappointed, surprise - to discover, upon arriving home to a mountain of laundry, that the Improved Easy to Open Cap wasn't easy to open at all. Not that it was difficult to open - I'm not saying that at all. No.
It was bloody impossible.
|LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!|
Yes, Coles, it has been a week now and I still have not been able to get that tub of Coles Ultra Booster Plus Everyday Soaker open. I have tried, dozens of times. And - just in case you were wondering whether I have some kind of spatial navigation disorder, or a digital manipulation disability, I have passed the tub on to four different adults of varying sizes and IQs, and they haven't been able to prise the damn thing open either.
So Coles, I have to ask you - what possessed you? You took a perfectly functional cap, altered it so that it is impenetrable, and then, just to twist the knife in further, labelled it Improved Easy to Open? What were you thinking? Was it some kind of manufacturing mistake? Or are you just trying to fuck with our minds???
Thank you in anticipation of your speedy response,