I woke up fired with energy and ready to take on the day. That is, until I tried to get out of bed, at which point I realised that I had a problem.
My back had gone. I have a back injury which plays up now and again, and this time, it was playing a game of dodge ball with my spinal chord. I hobbled to the mirror and looked at myself and gasped, because I was, quite literally, bent sideways at approximately a 45 degree angle. Imagine a gingerbread man, broken at the waist, and rearranged on a plate with the head now positioned at 2pm on a clock face.
That was me.
I was in agony. I managed to get downstairs and fumbled my way to the medicine chest (which is actually an old box painted by my daughter, but 'chest' sounds far more OH&S approved) and swallowed two Voltaren and two Panadol. Then I remembered the pills my doctor had given me to help coat my stomach when I took Voltaren, so I took one of them too. Then I got all the kids to help each other get dressed (my husband was helpfully showering himself so at least I didn't have to worry about helping him), and somehow got out the door and to the car.
I'd dropped the kids off at school and was driving back home, waiting for the sweet relief to kick in so that I could get on with the day's chores. And it did kick in.
Only it wasn't that sweet.
About two streets away from my house, I suddenly felt strange. Very strange, indeed. Like, jetlagged strange. Like, I-haven't-slept-in-a-week strange. I got home and inside and started to take off my coat when I realised that I needed to lie down. Immediately. I crawled to my bedroom, lay on my bed (still in my coat, seemed too challenging to take it off) and glanced at the clock. 8.45am. I'd just shut my eyes for a moment and then get to work.
A minute later I opened my eyes. It was 11.15. I'd slept for two and a half hours.
It took me a while (and two cups of coffee) to figure out what had happened. Apparently the pill to coat my stomach wasn't actually the pill to coat my stomach at all, but was the pill to take in event of a migraine (and one which clearly works by making the migraine sufferer unconscious until the migraine passes). Small mistake. Big nap.
My back was much better when I woke up, though I did need another little sleep later in the day until the medication was fully out of my system.
Then, whilst putting Dencorub on my back in a shopping centre toilet cubicle, I managed to get a bit of the searing hot gel on my vajayjay.
Still, that, my friends, is another story.
