March 21, 2012

Life at *cough* twenty two...

Those of you who read this blog regularly will know that I recently got reading glasses. (And those of you who don’t? I’m hurt.)

I was very surprised to find that I needed glasses, given that I am only thirty five years old*. In fact, it never would have occurred to me to even go and get my eyes checked, except that I was struggling to read. The pages of my books would swim before my eyes, my computer screen would go blurry, and the messages on my mobile phone looked like tiny ants marching across my screen. What’s more, I kept sending people texts like ‘Set you in jive’ and ‘Be yer doon’, which made people think I had a drinking problem**.

So off I went, to get my eyes tested. It turns out I do have visual signs of aging, in addition to the visible ones (which, ironically, I hadn’t fully appreciated until I got my reading glasses and could see how wrinkly I’ve become).

Despite the shock to my ego, I am happy to have my specs. Not only can I now read books in comfort, but I can work out that I am meeting my friend Karen ‘in Westfield’ and not, say, ‘in Wee fish’ (which can be very hard to find).
On the other hand, I am very unhappy to have my specs, as they are a constant reminder that I am already thirty years old***. I don’t want to be old. I want to be forever young.Now, I know that that’s not a politically correct thing to say. I am supposed to ‘embrace aging’, ‘celebrate my forties****’, and ‘feel empowered and powerful’. Well, yeah, I do, definitely. I’d just be embracing, celebrating and powering much more cheerfully if my eyesight wasn’t failing and my back didn’t hurt.

To be fair, I’m not doing too badly. I’m not grey yet (except, inexplicably, for two of my eyebrow hairs), I don’t have to pluck my chin, and I can still recall exactly what I did yesterday (if I put on my glasses and look in my diary). But I want to be younger.

My mum is no help when I discuss this with her. She scoffs, ‘You think you’re aging? What about me? I’m fifty five!*****’ But just because my mother is older than me doesn’t help me to deal with it any better. And besides, if my mother wasn’t older than me, well, we’d have even bigger problems on our hands.

Still, I am trying to accept my fate. For one thing, there’s not much I can do to halt the pace of time, other than certain surgical procedures which I have ruled out on the basis of a) cost, b) health risks, and c) the faces of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which I have only been watching because I have been too blind to read).
And for another thing, I have a long way to go. After all, I’m still only twenty two.

*that may be a slight underestimate
**which I don’t. Noon is a perfectly acceptable time to start drinking.

***even more inaccurate

****if I was in my forties, which of course I am not....

*****this may be a slight underestimate

19 comments:

  1. Lol! I went with my son to the optometrist & he gave him some eye exercises. I said 'great, that might help me too'
    ''no," he said, "you are just getting old."
    No mincing around with the optometrist! They are the deliverer of the bad news. I came out 10 years older.

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  2. You know, the grey hair, glasses (I'm short sighted), wrinkles, disappearing eyebrows I can handle. It's the 'age spots' on the hands that I refuse to accept. Age spots? Don't *really* old people get them? And I'm only 35*** too.


    ***Omg, that is such a lie :(

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  3. Elli @ moopeli.blogspot.comJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:26 AM

    Hey don't worry, I had my first grey hairs in the age of 18.. I have the worst genes considering hair color, my mom would have been totally grey headed at 40 if she didn't color her hair. And I have been wearing glasses since I was 7 (not reading glasses though :). And the worst part is: I have a loooong wrinkle on my forehead. My age? 24... :D I try not to think how I'll look when I'm your age..

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  4. I have grey hair lots of it, wear glasses and I'm only 22, well inside my head I'm 22 and surely that's what counts, you are just gorgeous x

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  5. I'm totally moving cans of food back and forth in front of my eyes to read the ingredients. 

    I saw a comedian recently who talked about how you know you're old when you hurt yourself sleeping. You  know...you wake up and your neck hurts or your back or your leg and you think, 'How the f*ck does someone hurt themselves when they're SLEEPING?' 

    Because they're OLD.

    But you're not old. You're totally rocking your thirties. *cough* 

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  6. You need to embrace glasses as a fashion accessory that just happen to help you see. Then it's not about being old, it's about being stylish*.

    *i have worn glasses since my teens - so I may be biased and/or delusional.

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  7. Just think when you go to London you will be younger beacause their clock is behind ours :o)

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  8. I got a little down when you said you didnt have grey hair yet, then boosted when you said you were only 35, then down again when I read that you underestimated. Up and Down, story of my life as far as my mood goes. Another joy of getting on in years I guess. (spoken  like a true 21 year old ******) he he

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  9. Kerri I will attempt to make you feel a little better by telling you the following: in less than a month I'll be turning 35. I've worn glasses for the last 22 years and for the last week I've been lying in hospital with a back injury sustained by..wait for it..getting out of the car.  And I'm YOUNGER than you. Yes I am, dammit. Can't wait till I'm your age :)))
    I do love your writing. I've been in an online hiatus due to aforementioned old lady injury, and this made me laugh. Bless you x

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  10. Last year I had a big birthday- it's hard saying goodbye to your 20's, isn't it- no one warned me the party would end. But Monday night I was a teenager again at the Duran Duran concert. At this rate I will be back in primary school in no time at all. :)

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  11. Oh god, I SO hear you... and it's even worse for me as I may* be in my early 40s and still single and childless. WTF did my life go?!?! I want a do-over and wanna go back to 18 or 21 (ie. just a few years back) and start it all again!

    * ie. more than likely!

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  12. Welcome to my world, Kerri. Trust me, it gets worse. Bibs to stop food getting on your blouse, incontinence pads, having to get up four times, during the night, and not just for a pee. Shall I go on ? No perhaps not, it might depress you......  :-D

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  13. Not from a couple hundred metres away ;) His voice was exactly the same- not bad for a 54 year old! PS: have you seen his 47 yo wife?? OMG. She looks 30. There may still be hope for us...

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  14. I'm almost 24, have been going grey for about 3 years now and had to get glasses when I started using a computer at work everyday because my eyes get... TIRED!!! what does that make me then?! lol

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  15.  Kerri, when you get to my age, quite often you don't know whether you're Arthur, or Martha. Hence the confusion....... ;-)

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  16. OMG- sorry to say?! wait til you "smell" the incontinence pads on the 'ladies ' in the supermarket checkout! Ive stopped buying a certain toilet roll because if I have it at home it remindsme of this! - funny husband can't smell it the same. one good thing - if he wears eading glasses?- he won't notice messx

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  17. I've had glasses since I was 20. I used to think no one else could read the bus numbers as it came down the road. I even wrote to Sydney Buses demanding that they make the numbers brighter. I also thought it was normal to squint at street signs and brake suddenly when the words made sense. This usually happened when it was too late to turn, so I would have to endure circling the block for a re-attempt.  

    So be thankful that you've only had to get them now...in your...umm...mid twenties. ;) xx

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  18. Welcome to the beckspeckla club, I've been a member for 2 decades. The upside is that people think you are smarter than you actually are...

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  19. Lol, very funny as usual.

    I've been wearing glasses since 14 and going grey since 25.  It's the weight gain that has caught up with me on the wrong side of 40.  No amount of exercise will shift it.  I might have to actually give up chocolate. Sobs.

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