No? Oh.... er.... no, no, neither have I. But my... er... friend has. Her name is... um... Cherie. Yes, Cherie. And Cherie's had quite a few.
Now, some may argue that any sex dream that is not about one's partner is inappropriate. Others may argue that any sex dream about one's partner is inappropriate. Others may argue that any sex dream at all is excellent, and that we shouldn't be looking a gift bonk in the mouth.
Cherie's inappropriate sex dream was the last kind. Oh, though she may have occasionally had the second kind too. And maybe, once or twice, the fourth. But if so, she didn't tell me.
It's always disconcerting to wake up from a dream in which you have done something utterly bizarre. I mean, dreams are not visited upon you from beyond. They arise from your subconscious. You create them. So when you dream that you're doing the wild thing with someone really, really unexpected - well, you can't help but re-examine your mind. You wake up and wince and think, where the hell did that come from?
At least, that's what Cherie tells me.
And then, when you see the person you had the dream about, you feel all weird. You look at them in a completely different way, because you've suddenly seen them without their clothes on (except that you haven't, of course, your subconscious has, and even your subconscious hasn't really seen them, it's just seen some version of them that it created). But it still feels weird. It's almost like you really have had sex with them, except that you haven't at all, or at least you have, but they haven't had sex with you (unless they have too, in a dream of their own, which is getting into a whole different realm of bizarre).
Or at least, that's what Cherie tells me.
Happily, though, I haven't had any such dreams. I dream only of my husband, and of failing my university exams (even though I finished uni about a hundred years ago). Oh, and of houses floating in the air, which really freaks me out. But that's a whole other story.
As for Cherie, however, I'll make sure she keeps me posted.
So tell me - have you ever had a totally inappropriate sex dream?