July 31, 2011

An Australian Girl In America: The Safe Word

So today was a real downer. My husband used the Safe word. You know the Safe word? When you're having kinky sex you agree on a Safe word, which when used by either party will bring an immediate halt to the proceedings.

Thing is, though, our Safe word wasn't related to sex. It was related to shopping. My husband used it, and now I have to stop.*

Other than my husband spoiling all my fun (I mean, I've only bought three pairs of pants, three dresses, six tops, a jacket, four pairs of shoes, five rings and a ton of cosmetics - really, I'm just getting started) it's been a wild couple of days.

For a start, I saw squirrels. I like squirrels. They have cute bushy tails and run up trees and are almost as special as koalas. But not quite, obviously. You can't cuddle a squirrel. (And I know that technically you shouldn't cuddle a koala either as they scratch and bite, but Americans don't know that.)

I ate at a gorgeous restaurant, which served little 'tasters' before each course. The one before entree (which is a 'starter' here) was this gorgeous cheesy puffy thing. The one before dessert, however, was granola with yoghurt. Not some 'interpretation' of granola and yoghurt; just granola and yoghurt. This is a seriously weird town.

I ate breakfast at a diner and was served fried potatos with my omelette. I love potatos. I could eat potatos with every meal. I reckon I could even eat potatos before dessert. It would be a damn sight more appropriate than granola, anyway.

I walked for hours and hours around Manhatten, without a scrap of make-up, without ever bumping into anyone I have ever known. I can be anonymous here in NY, unlike in Sydney, where I am constantly bumping into people I know. Like my kids. And my mum.

I visited the Lego shop, which was amazing. There were individual nooks for every colour and shape piece of Lego every invented (which may be a slight exaggeration, but only slight). My husband and I custom made Lego mini-figures for each of our kids, and it was one of the most fun things I'd ever done. Which is probably a pretty sad reflection of my life, but the truth nonetheless.

I shopped, an insane amount. Of course, I only bought things I really needed; I just didn't know that I needed them until I bought them. But travelling is all about discovery, right?

Oh, and I bought bandaids for the blisters on my feet, which was kind of hard to do, due to the cultural differences.

"I need bandaids," I told my husband. "What are they called here?"

"Um... plasters? Sticking plasters?" he told me.

"I need sticking plasters," I told the cashier at the pharmacy.

"Pasta?" the pharmacist asked. "You want pasta?"

"Plasters!" I told him. "For my feet!"

He looked blank.

"Blisters!" I said. "Look! I have blisters! I need to cover them up!"

"You don't want Bandaids?" he asked. And I paid and slunk out in shame.

Tomorrow we head back to LA, and then it's time for home. But I'll miss New York. I heart NY. Which is a really lame thing to say, but I'm anonymous here, so I can be as lame as I want.

*and for those who were wondering, the Safe word was 'MortgageDefault'. But seriously, mortgage shmortgage. We're in New York!!!


  1. Have loved following your travels...going on our dream holiday to the USA in a couple of months & have appreciated your tips! Thank you :)

  2. That's. like, one day shopping in NY for me. He has nothing to worry about. Me and my 36 different spaghetti strap singlets, another story.....

  3. OMG! All that shopping!! I can't WAIT To see what you're bringing me back!!!

    (Get moving. There's still time.)

  4. Oh I didn't count the spaghetti strap singlets!

  5. He he, Baindaids, it's the Amercian brand name, i know that, becuase i'm a pharmacologist, so i'm make my faux pas about something much more important like 'fanny bags' or something completely WRONG to us.  Love Posie

  6. Loved New York. I was convinced I was going to get mugged, was convinced New Yorkers were all assholes, and then I went there. I heart NY too.

  7. Did I mention I love NY. You just have to heart NY. There is no other way.

  8. "I walked for hours and hours around Manhatten, without a scrap of make-up, without ever bumping into anyone"

    Well, I was in Manhattan - but didn't bump into you. :-/

  9. Laughed out loud at Safe word. I'm so glad you loved NY.  Where to next?

  10. OMG - never tell my husband about the shopping 'safe' word please.  That technique cannot be allowed!

    Bringing back lots of NY memories for me (we were there in Feb :http://bushbabeofoz.com/2011/06/22/hunting-for-audrey-and-mia/

    *Sigh*. There really IS nowhere like it - and that whole weird food/bad coffee thing doesn't even matter.

  11. 'MortgageDefault' as a safe word, that's priceless. :)

  12. Oh , I did not know this rule of the "Safe word" - it is rather interesting :)!


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