For this, I apologise. And I shall attempt to make amends with this comprehensive guide to All I Have Done In New York (which is actually only Some Of What I Have Done In New York, but I have shopping to do and cheesecake brownie icecream to eat, so it will have to do):
|The room. The WHOLE room.|
2. I have visited pretty much every Bloomingdales, H&M, Gap, Macy's, and *insert name of every American chain store and unique shop in NYC* in NYC. I have walked into each one, laughed out loud at the delightfully low prices, and walked out with a bag of something unreal. And then I've carried it back to the teeny weeny hotel, laid it out on the bed, and sighed with happiness.
3. I have nearly got run over about 25 times as I keep looking for traffic on the right side of the road, which here, unfortunately, is wrong. If you know what I mean.
4. I have tried to drink diet Cherry Coke. I failed.
5. I have perfected my Starbucks order, as drinking Starbucks is a necessity in this town that never sleeps, but has never, in all the years it has been awake, learned to make great coffee. For the record, my order is Full Fat Double Shot Grande Coffee Frappucino. It gets me through the day.
6. I have seen a beggar chatting animatedly on a mobile phone, and another with an iPod.
8. I have sat at a table with a New York woman who spent 15 minutes instructing the waiter on how to prepare her meal without dairy or wheat as she is severely wheat and lactose intolerant. After eating her fish, she ate a slice of her friend's double-cheese pizza. I am not kidding.
|Someone's idea of heaven. Not mine.|
10. I have sat down at a window in a diner alone for 5 minutes and been approached by some crazy dude in a silk shirt and giant silver ring who announced that he and his 'special lady' have an arrangement and that he would like to make love to me. See responses to Pig Butt and choc-covered bacon.