July 29, 2011

An Australian Girl In America: NEW YORK

Some of you may have noticed that I ceased blogging about my American holiday at Day 3, and have not updated it since we arrived in New York. This is not because I am lazy or do not have access to the internet or have lost my mojo or have had my fingers amputated in a horrific subway accident. It simply means that I have been too busy shopping and eating cheesecake brownie icecream to write.

For this, I apologise. And I shall attempt to make amends with this comprehensive guide to All I Have Done In New York (which is actually only Some Of What I Have Done In New York, but I have shopping to do and cheesecake brownie icecream to eat, so it will have to do):

The room. The WHOLE room.

1. I have stayed in a hotel room the size of my bathroom at home. And it's not an especially big bathroom. Seriously. I have to climb over the bed to access the toilet. And when I do sit on the toilet, my knees bump up against the wall. Luckily, however, the room comes with an enormous balcony, so we don't get too claustrophobic. Oh, except it doesn't.

2. I have visited pretty much every Bloomingdales, H&M, Gap, Macy's, and *insert name of every American chain store and unique shop in NYC* in NYC. I have walked into each one, laughed out loud at the delightfully low prices, and walked out with a bag of something unreal. And then I've carried it back to the teeny weeny hotel, laid it out on the bed, and sighed with happiness.

3. I have nearly got run over about 25 times as I keep looking for traffic on the right side of the road, which here, unfortunately, is wrong. If you know what I mean.

4. I have tried to drink diet Cherry Coke. I failed.

5. I have perfected my Starbucks order, as drinking Starbucks is a necessity in this town that never sleeps, but has never, in all the years it has been awake, learned to make great coffee. For the record, my order is Full Fat Double Shot Grande Coffee Frappucino. It gets me through the day.

6. I have seen a beggar chatting animatedly on a mobile phone, and another with an iPod.

Yum Yum

7. I have seen Whole Pig Butt on a menu. I declined to order it.

8. I have sat at a table with a New York woman who spent 15 minutes instructing the waiter on how to prepare her meal without dairy or wheat as she is severely wheat and lactose intolerant. After eating her fish, she ate a slice of her friend's double-cheese pizza. I am not kidding.

Someone's idea of heaven. Not mine.

9. I have watched my husband buy chocolate-covered bacon. My response to it was much the same as my response to the Whole Pig Butt. I suspect the taste was too.

10. I have sat down at a window in a diner alone for 5 minutes and been approached by some crazy dude in a silk shirt and giant silver ring who announced that he and his 'special lady' have an arrangement and that he would like to make love to me. See responses to Pig Butt and choc-covered bacon.

11. I have felt dirtier than I have ever felt in my life. It's like a film of grot settles on me  from the moment I leave the hotel until the moment I get back in the shower. New York in summer is steamy and smelly and grimy. But there is soap and there is water and there is H&M and cheesecake brownie icrecream so who the hell cares?

12. I have said 'Ya' several times a day, every day. It is the American version of 'Yeah', and it is catchy and contagious and I love it and am going to take it back home. You don't think I'm serious? Well YA. I am

13. I have missed my kids. Crazily. And however fabulous NY is, I cannot wait to get back home and see them again.

27 comments:

  1. So much to say but how you could resist the WHOLE pig butt when the made the B for Butt so cute with little legs & a tail??  Enjoy, the children will still there when you get back, NY won't!!  Love Posie
    http://posiepatchworkblog.blogspot.com/

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  2. Very Comprehensive and great insight..and I bet your kids are missing you too. Crazily!

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  3. Ummmm, is that REALLY budget accommodation, or is that the norm for hotel room size in New York? I've never seen such a teeny tiny hotel room!

    All the more reason to out for cheesecake brownie ice-cream and shopping for more bargains.

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  4. I believe NY only!!!!! At least, I bloody hope so...

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  5.  Just loving this vicariously. Big hugs x

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  6. Loved reading this insight into NY! pig butt? chocolate covered bacon? really? lol

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  7. I LOVE New York! Though each time we have stayed there, we have had a ridiculously small room, but with the hugest bed you could imagine!. Had to book a cab to catch up with husband on the other side of it.

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  8. LOVE the hotel room - luxury .... pure luxury xx

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  9. Full Fat Double Shot Grande Coffee Frappucino?

    You oughta be ashamed.

    Chocolate covered bacon. I'm ashamed and proud of it. Bring some back for me?

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  10. So jealous! Love NYC for so many of your above reasons and more. Yes, tiny rooms! OOOOHHHH the shopping! Starbucks on every corner (almost). But what about the bagels? Dave Letterman? Times Square? The Village? Soho? I could go on and on and on. I <3 NYC.

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  11. you had me at cheesecake brownie icecream...enjoy x

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  12. Chocolate covered bacon? One word. Ewww!

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  13. Cheesecake brownie ice-cream? I cannot wait to get on the plane now! Though I am dreading the missing my family bit. Glad it has been so amazing for you xxx

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  14. Love the spacious suite, Kerri. Bet it didn't take The Architect long to catch you........

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  15. I am so loving these USA posts YA. Now I have to go back (as an adult) just to try choc covered bacon and pig butt. Dear God, they better serve both at the Vegas casinos, because that's where I'll be (trying to not spot Britney or LiLo's girly bits on display).  But really, loving the US vibe. YA

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  16. Excellent piece. Thank you for you prose and your observations.

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  18. Kerri,
    This brings back so many good memories of my visit to NYC before kids, I want to go back, Ya!
    xxxx

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  19. i have been every year for the last three years and heading back in Oct.  I love to the place but Australia is home.  A must is the Sex and the City Tour!  Hilarous, cupcakes, basketball, Carries stairs but you start at the sex shop!  Enjoy the big apple!

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  20. Thats not a hotel room. You stuck the bed in the closet, didn't you? Come on, admit it...

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  21. HAS to be full fat. I tried the non-fat and it was HORRID. (You could actually taste the coffee...)

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  22. Love. Love. Love New York! But would be skipping the pig butt and choc covered bacon. 

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  23. You have a great experience in NY, I see. But this bacon with chocolate sounds fatty. I will not try it if I were you.

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