Yesterday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Iain Dale, of UK radio station LBC. It was a challenging interview, mainly because it began at 6am (to correspond with 9pm British time) and I had to get up at 4.45 in the morning to be there on time. Now, not only do I object to being awake at 4.45 in the morning, I object to the very concept of 4.45 in the morning. 4.45 is not 'morning'. 4.45 is 'night time'. Quite frankly, nothing before the hour of 6am is 'morning' in my book. If it is dark, it is not day. End of story.
The interview was held in Iain's temporary digs at the 2DayFM studios in Sydney's World Square. Having knocked back two black coffees just to get myself out of the house, by the time I arrived I I was desperate to use the... er.... facilities. Iain was on air and his male assistant had no idea where the bathroom was (clearly these British men have Bladders of Steel) so I was handed a security pass and allowed to roam the building in search of the elusive loo.
I ended up on the deserted top floor, dazed and busting. With no toilet in sight, I tried to open the door that looked most like a potential bathroom. It didn't open. I leaned against it, heavily. I pushed, hard. Still nothing. In my desperation, I considered knocking it down, until a passing cleaner informed me that it was Kyle and Jackie O's studio. I contemplating pounding on the door pleading for help (surely Jackie would occasionally need to use a toilet?) until the cleaner told me they were on hiatus and sent me to the bathroom downstairs.
Back on the ground floor, and feeling much lighter, I was ushered into the studio with Mark Dapin, my fellow author and interviewee. To my horror, the walls of the studio were painted in lurid shades of fluroscent pink, which at that unspeakable hour, literally made my eyes bleed. (Okay, so not literally, as that would have required hospitalisation, but certainly metaphorically). Mark and I sat there, blinking in the candy radiance, desperately trying to retrieve our brains. I clutched a Berocca, in the pathetic hope of being energised. Mark, a non-coffee drinker, sipped from a bottle of Vanilla Diet Coke. At 6 in the morning. As you do.
The interview went well, despite Mark and I being half asleep, and Iain - who had been awake for the past 24 hours - being three-quarters asleep. At one point Mark knocked his Vanilla Coke onto the floor, which bothered no-one, as it was not our studio. At several points Iain began coughing uncontrollably, but as he managed to locate the Mute button on his microphone this bothered no-one either. At another point I found a couple of pairs of Christmas reindeer ears, which Mark and I donned just as the conversation turned to Australia's native marsupials. We felt this carried a message of support for our animal friends, but probably baffled Iain's assitant when he came to peek through the window.
At 7am, it was all over and we stumbled out into the gloom. It was lovely to meet Iain, and to connect with my British fans (none of whom have actually heard of me, as my book is not yet available in the UK), but I never want to see that hour of the 'day' again.
Those reindeer ears, however.... I miss them already.