So my adventures on Sunrise started the night before, at 10pm, with a razor. I was lying in bed smiling at the cute little dress I'd picked out, when I realised with horror that I'd forgotten to shave my legs. Given that I wanted the world to laugh with me about my adventures in parenting, and not laugh at me about the fur on my legs, I realised that action needed to be taken, and quickly. I had to get up at some ungodly hour the next morning, so there was no time to waste. I jumped out of bed, grabbed my razor, and quickly scraped it up and down my legs. Dry.
I woke up the next morning at the ungodly hour, and scrambled into my cute little dress. Then I looked in the mirror. And screamed.
Because my legs were stripey. Like a candy stick. Red and white stripes. I was going to make my Sunrise debut on candy stick legs. Fabulous.
I rummaged madly in my drawers for some tights but couldn't find any. Panicked, I grabbed the skinniest pair of black pants I could find and decided they would have to do. There was no time to waste, and I still had to do my makeup. The Sunrise producer had advised me to do my own hair and makeup and they would 'touch it up' at the studio. So I did my absolute best job, looked contentedly in the mirror, and headed off to the studio.*
Once at the Sunrise studio, I was ushered immediately into the makeup chair. "I've done my own makeup!" I told Ang, the makeup lady, proudly.
"Mmmm," she said, and spent the next 30 minutes 'touching it up'.** Once my makeup was done, it was time for my hair.
"I've done my own hair!" I told Ang proudly.
"Mmmm," she said. "It's hard with curly hair, isn't it?" and spent the next 15 minutes styling my hair. Sigh. I guess effort, not quality, counts.
At some stage Joe Hockey wandered into the makeup room. "Hello Joe!" I said cheerily. Because I could.
A few minutes later Larry Emdur ambled in. "Hello Larry!" I said cheerily. "You're so handsome!" Because he was.
Shortly afterwards I was ushered into the 'Green Room', which was essentially two couches (not green) beside a water cooler (also not green). There I sat with my publicist Shannon***, and the comedian Marty Wilson, who was appearing on the segment with me. Fifteen minutes later, totally composed and cool****, I was sitting on the couch with Mel and Kochie, chatting about motherhood.
And five minutes and 45 seconds later, it was all over. I said goodbye to Mel and Kochie, exchanged cards with the lovely Marty, and hopped into a cab with my publicist Shannon. My moment in the Sunrise had passed.
But even today, the stripes on my leg live on to tell the tale.
*How cool does that sound?
**Using 'touching it up' in the sense of 'reapplying from scratch as the poor girl clearly has no idea what she's doing'.
***How cool does that sound?
*****That may be a lie
See my Facebook page (button to the right) for the Sunrise interview.