April 2, 2011

God, That Hurts

I don't publish pictures of my kids on my blog. Generally, this is for their own protection. Today, however, it is for mine.

This morning, three year old Boo looks like she's been in a war zone, and if the pictures were leaked, there would quite possibly be criminal investigations. And the whole thing happened in a House of God.

The family and I were in synagogue yesterday to witness the Batmitzvah of a close family friend. A Batmitzvah is the coming of age ceremony of a twelve year old Jewish girl, in which she addresses the congregation, and does not cause any injury to the three year old children who are there to celebrate with her. This, you see, is the job of the children's mothers.

At one point Boo wanted to stand on her (pull down) chair to better see what the Batmitzvah girl was doing. Being a completely irresponsible parent, I let her. The chair flipped into it's upwards position, and Boo sort of slid down the back feet first, leaving nothing but a blue-floral clad torso and a little blonde head peeping out.

She wasn't injured, so clearly I hadn't tried hard enough. I hauled her out, and she twisted her foot in the chair, causing minor pain but a rather loud squeal. Still, the recovery was quick and we returned our attention to the service.

Ten minutes later Boo needed to do a wee wee. Not a problem. I carefully lifted her out of her seat (no chair flipping for her again) and we walked to the loo. After she went to the toilet and washed her hands we went to leave the bathroom. Boo was right behind me as I went to open the heavy door. Except that she wasn't. She was right in front of me. And I opened the door directly onto her head. Hard. I'm telling you, I could hear the thump.

Boo howled in pain. I howled in remorse. We both stood and howled in the loo. Luckily, the congregants were by then singing a rousing song of praise to the lord, so no-one could hear us wail. Except for God, I assume. It was his house, after all.

Fifteen minutes later the festivities were over and we were walking back to our car. All was well, Boo had regained her cheer, and I had regained my composure. Which of course was unacceptable, so Boo fell flat on her face in the middle of the footpath and bashed up her forehead and  both of her knees. God knows we couldn't get away that easily.

Now, I'm not especially religious, and I'm starting to know why. Visiting the Lord is far too dangerous. From now on, I'm going to worship from a safe distance.

22 comments:

  1. Oh, poor Boo! My kids have those days! Not in the house of God, though, mostly it's the youngest one, especially on the way to creche. The door thing it's tricky, you'd think kids had eyes or something?? They seem very fond of walking into door or doorframes instead of through them..

    I knew you could make it funny, your career as a Mummy Blogger is safe. :-)

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  2. Perhaps it's God calling to you that you ought to be Jewish and visiting more often?! On a serious note, poor Boo. My 2.5 year old son is always in the wars and I am always paranoid that his daycare will call DOCS and report me for having a vivacious and explorative son who can't help but run into and/or fall over anything that gets in his way.

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  3. Oh poor Boo! I'm sure it comes with that age group though. Miss2 has days like that, where it's one injury after another and bed time can't come soon enough.

    I'm sure she'll be fine though. Once she recovers from the concussion...

    xx

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  4. Poor Boo. Poor you!

    We had an actual going-to-emergency routine for my son from 9 months (walking) to about 3 years old. We left the bag with his ID packed. I was *sure* the authorities would come knocking.

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  5. Wow, that's pretty spectacular. She must get her toughness from her mum.

    A Batmitzvah sounds so exotic! All I ever got was communion wafers served with a lifetime of guilt.

    xx

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  6. I am forever grateful that I am not under surveilance while at home. Not only would I be highly embarrassed by my own clumsiness but I'm pretty sure the toddler's injuries would put me in a less than flattering light.

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  7. Deutervictus 24:14... And The LORD That is GOD said "Yea verily I shall SMITE those who do not pay attention in the House of the LORD and are thinking about Simon Baker instead. Or I'll smite their daughter instead because that's easier."

    Hmmmmm?

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  8. so not funny even though i'm laughing. There must have been something in the air last night cos Jesse also fell through the chair getting a foot stuck and on the way back to the car he tripped and fell about 3 times. maybe the pathways need levelling in that street. Luckily he managed to avoid injury.xx

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  9. I reckon God must have been laughing so hard himself it was a wonder he didn't fall from heaven :D

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  10. Thank goodness I'm not the only one. The doctor quizzed me about 1YO's injuries after he fell down the stairs. 'Whats this graze from?' - Launching his circus car off the back step. 'Whats this bruise from?" Headbutting his older brother... 'Whats this scratch from?" Buzz Lightyears arms fell off so now it's a stabbing hazard. Felt so guilty even though I know its part and parcel of having a future wrestler in the house.

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  11. Kerri, that's bloody careless of you, not to check if Boo bounced without harm, when she was born. Tsk,Tsk *shakes head*......

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  12. Detachable PrincessApril 2, 2011 at 12:16 PM

    Kerri, do you reckon Boo is having a growth spurt? I find with LittleDude that as soon as I notice he's got taller, he starts tripping over his own feet rather frequently. My theory is that he's having to get used to a different set of self-awareness boundaries, so he is clumsy until he has sorted them out.

    In the last week he has fallen off a chair as he was spinning on it, grazed his left knee about 4 times (only the left knee!), banged the back of his head and his forehead at the same time, and fallen backwards off a stool.

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  13. usually it's when they are going through a growth spurt that they hit the warzone … noticed yourself getting any taller lately, Kerri? xt

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  14. Oh, I'm sure it has nothing to do with your lack of parenting skills here, hon. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sounds like there's enough bruises and blood around Chez Sackville at the mo.

    *leans over to pick up phone to call DoCS*

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  15. Sorry, that was kind of hilarious & so what would happen to one of my children, you know, when one thing goes bad in public, just in case anyone missed it - same child pulls out a couple more tricks. My middle girl is the one with the target on her head, she can get a concussion from a standing start, capable of tripping over air. Ice packs solve everything, love Posie

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  16. You should know things come in 3's. Why didn't you carry her to the car?? ;)

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  17. Note to self: If I invite Kerri and her kids to my grandsons' Bar Mitzvahs ... make sure they sit in pews and not in folding chairs. (Of course Boo will be a teenager by that time. LOL!)

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  18. Poor Boo, I expect we'll see her on ACA next week, this time the story will be "women with too many children-it's always the children that suffer".....

    Kx

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  19. I know I should post something caring and supportive but... way too funny.

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  20. Kerri, that's bloody careless of you, not to check if Boo bounced without harm, when she was born. Tsk,Tsk *shakes head*......

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  21. Perhaps it's God calling to you that you ought to be Jewish and visiting more often?! On a serious note, poor Boo. My 2.5 year old son is always in the wars and I am always paranoid that his daycare will call DOCS and report me for having a vivacious and explorative son who can't help but run into and/or fall over anything that gets in his way.

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  22. Oh, poor Boo! My kids have those days! Not in the house of God, though, mostly it's the youngest one, especially on the way to creche. The door thing it's tricky, you'd think kids had eyes or something?? They seem very fond of walking into door or doorframes instead of through them..

    I knew you could make it funny, your career as a Mummy Blogger is safe. :-)

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