December 6, 2010

The Never Ending Weary

I have a question to ask you.

Are you tired?

If not, what does it feel like, this 'not feeling tired' thing? Because I honestly cannot remember.

I am tired all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. I am never not tired. My tiredness comes in several categories.

Weary - This tiredness is just a mild feeling in the background. A kind of 'Could do with a nap, but can hang out till bedtime' sensation. If I'm just a bit weary, it's a very good day.

Tired - This is my baseline level of tiredness. I haven't had enough sleep (for about, you know, 11 years) and it's showing. I can function well, because I have learned to co-exist with tiredness, but I would function much, much better with more rest. If I can get in a brief nap, I will, but I can keep ploughing through until bedtime if necessary.

Exhausted - This is the tiredness I feel after a particularly late night or rough week. I feel fuzzy all morning and I need a nap. If I can't get a nap, I feel a little desperate. Of course, most of the time I can't get a nap, so I end up falling asleep prone at my computer, or on the floor in Boo's room whilst I am trying to get her dressed. Sadly, this doesn't even alarm my kids anymore. They're used to seeing Mummy on the ground unconscious.

Shattered - When I feel like this, I have to sleep. Like, get into bed and sleep for two hours. I simply can't keep going otherwise. This is when I call my mum, or weep on the phone to my husband and tell him he has to come home early (which, in Kerri's Husband Speak means '7pm'). This is when I let the kids watch TV for three straight hours, or feed them frankfurts for dinner, or bribe them with money and chocolate to let me lie down. These days occur at least once a fortnight. Often more.

Being tired is the bane of my existence. If there was a pill to take tiredness away, I would gobble it down. Oh hang on... there is a pill to take tiredness away... and a powder... Okay, so if there was a legal, herbal, non-addictive, non-hallucinogenic pill that didn't make you dance to house music for hours and tell the world you love them and cause the inside of your nose to collapse, then I'd take it for sure. Oh, hang on.... there is and I do. It's called coffee. But they really need to make it stronger because I'm on my fourth cup for the day and I'm ready to go back to bed.

The last time I didn't feel tired was two years ago. My husband and I managed to get away for six nights to a beach somewhere without the kids. We'd planned to have a romantic getaway. Not surprisingly, my husband got an urgent call from work on the first day and spent most of the holiday glued to his computer. Not inclined to take romantic boat rides on my own, or sit up late at night drinking cocktails and looking at the sunset solo, I took to my bed. I slept twice a day for the first two days (as well as ten hours or so at night) and once a day for the next two. By the fifth day I reflexively got into bed after lunch, and realised I didn't need to sleep anymore. It was a strange and wonderful sensation.

Of course, two days after that we were home again, and within 24 hours I was totally exhausted. Three clingy kids who insist on paying you back for leaving them at their (utterly doting) Nana and Papa's place will do that to you. And now, I have no idea what that delicious sensation of being rested even felt like.

So if you know, please enlighten me. I promise to read all your comments.

After I've just had a little bit of a nap.

35 comments:

  1. I would love to write something funny, eloquent and informative but... the last time I slept was September 2006 (the month before Chloe was born!).

    I am a former aged care nightshift worker and that was the BEST training I could have had before I had my daughter.

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  2. so, there are legal tablets for overcoming tiredness - caffeine or glucose tablets. But I wouldn't recommend them as they make you feel even more tired after they've worn off then you were to begin with!

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  3. I dont know how you mothers do it!
    i truely look up to you guys, you are idols in my eyes, i think every mother deserves at least once a year, a mother retreat, where they restore their batteries

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  4. Ha! My almost 3year old woke every two hours for TWO YEARS. A perfect way to prepare me for [early death] my current nights interrupted by both her and her shiny new 12 week old sister. I know NOTHING about feeling 'rested'. If I still had dreams it would probably feature...

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  5. Sorry hon. I'm too tired to even read this. ;)

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  6. I have not been untired (that's not a word but I'm too tired to work out what should be used instead) since first contracting glandular fever 20 years ago. Kids/work juggle plus autoimmune thyroid condition ensure that if I actually sit in once place for long enough (two minutes!), I'm gone.

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  7. I've got nothing. This completely sums up how I feel today. Just... tired. All the time. And no end in sight.

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  8. I VOTE JUST A GIRL FOR PM! (on her suggestion in her comment alone)...

    Honestly, I live with my tired which, out of your list, is weary. That is my base-line. It's the foggy head thing that I can't escape. It follows me everywhere, so much so that I can't even spell 'escape', you should've seen how many times I had to just correct that word.

    Weary. Signing off.

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  9. *Yawns* Sorry, I've got nothin'... *rolls back over for a nap*

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  10. *Yawn* Zzzzzz...sorry ? What were you saying ? *yawn* Tired ? Me ? No, never, feel ready to run a marathon at a moments notic...zzzzzz....

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  11. So true. Not sure what the cure is - exercise, eat well, drink plenty of water (yawn). As parents we just don't get the time to just DO NOTHING and recharge. Maybe an hour or two on the couch at night if you're lucky. It's not enough. Unfortunately you're left with more shit to deal with when you do nothing.

    I'm such a cow that when a friend of mine who doesn't have kids tells me she's tired, I want to punch her, even though I remember feeling tired before kids (but just not this constant weariness where it feels like someone's sitting on you).

    Take care.

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  12. I'm so tired today, I promptly burst in to tears. In front of the 3yr old.

    Sorry. I'm zero help.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off for a nanna nap...

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  13. I am trying to accept that tired is the new normal. I have been tired for what feels like forever. I used to tell me self it was just a rough, day, then a rough week, or a rough year, but it is endless. My tiredness makes me lethargic too (much better word for lazy!) and I often feel like I just couldn't be bothered (like I have a choice.) Oh to feel carefree, energetic and NOT TIRED!

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  14. Hate to say it, but SO good to know I'm not alone!!!!

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  15. I don't have kids,so I don't get tired often. It's things like lifting a heavy coffee cup, and cleaning my teeth that wear me out. But then I AM very old. And yes,I DO have my own teeth.........

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  16. I'm with you Kerri, it's SO GOOD to know I'm not the only one. With a 5 month old and 2 year old, I spend a lot of my time at "Shattered", or "Exhausted" on a good day. I feel like such a whinger when I complain about feeling tired, and guilty if I want to have a sleep, particularly with a hubby that doesn't need as much sleep as me (maybe it's an Architect thing).

    I was kinda hoping the feeling would go away eventually!

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  17. I have a 2-year old and a 1-year old. I have no idea how I function day-in, day-out. And I work. And I'M BLOODY TIRED ALL THE TIME, TOO.

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  18. I'm tired all the time too. I'd get your bloods done to see if there is a reason for it ... am supposed to get mine done again, but am too bloody tired to!
    My meds and also my arthritis makes me physically tired, but I get the mind-numbing brain fog too. Life should be easier and involve more sleep.

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  19. I have glandular fever. That is all

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  20. I was tired to the point of weakness and my naturopath has put me on CellFood.
    Normal people take 8 drops in a glass of water 3 tmes a day; I take 4 twice a day.
    But there is a differance already.
    I have been on it less than a week. Maybe it is worth trying?
    I do understand...
    Jane 'Life @ Number 8'
    janezworld.com/blog

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  21. I know this state you speak of: according to your scale, I'm usually weary. Crisis level occurs when I've been soloing for some time and receiving tag team torture. Then I begin to slur my words and forget others, like newborn days again. Saw a Naturopath today, who said my adrenals were in bad shape. $300 later, am hoping to feel better soon, although I suspect running away from home might achieve the same thing.

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  22. I totally agree that it's nice to know you're not alone. I've got no magic bullet but strangely enough, I've been at my best when I work a couple of days a week in a nice, quiet office environment. Even when I'm doing this 'real work' I manage to have a cup of tea almost whenever I want and even go to the toilet all by myself - how novel!!

    My only other tip is to accept any help anyone offers up. If someone offers you a morning off - take it, take it, take it!!

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  23. I managed to have a nap today! I do that possibly once every few months. Unfortunately I was napping when my husband arrived home and later he complained that he was up before everyone and he didn't get to have a nap!!
    I wanted to punch HIM in the face...well, not really, but nearly!
    Sorry, being tired makes me CRANKY.

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  24. Yes yes yes! Constantly tired. Although foolishly I know longer nap. I just injest more caffeine sugar than is good for me. I used to sometimes nap when I had napping kids but then the desire to get something done (nothing useful of course) like read would override the need to sleep.
    We have been on this ride for same amount of time. Your level of tiredness sounds like how I felt when pregnant with number 4. Beyond tired.
    So get some rest now!
    Michelle

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  25. i am so tired that i confused know with no. so i no longer nap - because i just know you are all judging me!
    pedants corner.

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  26. Crying tired... you know where your so tired that you just burst into tears. Where your skin tingles from exhaustion, and there is a dull ache behind your eyes...

    I actually went to the doctor today about exactly this. and are having a whole lot of blood tests done on friday to rule out anything.

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  27. I so hear you sista.

    I hear ya...

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  28. I think we will be tired forever - its that elusive and non-existent work-life balance. Work-life say what?????????? The point of no return was stomping my feet and waving my hands (my husband call's it "dancing the naughty gnome") in my boss's office after a particularly frustrating conversation. When asked, "are you stamping your feet at me in my office?" reply, after all motion had ceased," sorry, really tired, forgot where I was".

    We do our best, and when all else fails we drink. Coffee and coffee and coffee.

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  29. I totally understand those levels of tiredness. I've had periods of insomnia for about 10 years now.

    A few weeks ago was one of my worst periods when I didn't sleep for 4 days straight (after dealing with weeks of only getting an hour or two a night). Sleep deprivation is one of the most horrible things a person has to endure mentally - I often feel like I'm going crazy. Not just PMS-type wanna-stab-someone crazy, but seriously mentally disturbed/insane type of crazy.

    I wouldn't wish severe sleep deprivation on anyone!

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  30. As the mother of teenagers now I can assure you that you do get more opportunity for naps as your children get older. Despite this I still feel bloody tired though. I have a dodgy thyroid (after a bout of glandular fever) so I feel tired pretty much all the time. At least 3 days per week I need an afternoon nap. Am trying a sugar free diet (recommended for thyroid) and I have been sugar free for over a week now and have to admit that I feel less tired than I usually do. Currently on holidays at the beach sans children - first 2 days had a morning & afternoon sleep, last 3 days no sleeps. I'll let you know how I go when I get back - whether or not I need an afternoon nap.

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  31. Got nothing to help - not one single word of wisdom. I like your rating system though and am envious of your ability to nap as it seems my child has inherited his Mama's inability to nap issues. It doesn't matter how tired I am I can not sleep during the day - not even during the worst of our sleep issues to date. I do the crying tired as Vicky says instead of the nap. I've cried at the supermarket in front of complete strangers.

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  32. I was tired to the point of weakness and my naturopath has put me on CellFood.
    Normal people take 8 drops in a glass of water 3 tmes a day; I take 4 twice a day.
    But there is a differance already.
    I have been on it less than a week. Maybe it is worth trying?
    I do understand...
    Jane 'Life @ Number 8'
    janezworld.com/blog

    ReplyDelete
  33. Ha! My almost 3year old woke every two hours for TWO YEARS. A perfect way to prepare me for [early death] my current nights interrupted by both her and her shiny new 12 week old sister. I know NOTHING about feeling 'rested'. If I still had dreams it would probably feature...

    ReplyDelete
  34. I am trying to accept that tired is the new normal. I have been tired for what feels like forever. I used to tell me self it was just a rough, day, then a rough week, or a rough year, but it is endless. My tiredness makes me lethargic too (much better word for lazy!) and I often feel like I just couldn't be bothered (like I have a choice.) Oh to feel carefree, energetic and NOT TIRED!

    ReplyDelete

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