So the other night my husband and I were watching an educational documentary on SBS. We do that a lot. This particular educational documentary was about porn stars, which made for an interesting change (usually the SBS docos we watch are about prostitutes, strippers, pole dancers and sex addicts).
The doco followed a renowned photographer who decided to do a series of portraits of porn stars with and without their clothes on. This was designed to highlight all sorts of deep and meaningful things, such as how different porn stars look with and without their clothes on.
My husband and I watched the show with great interest. After all, neither of us had really seen porn stars with clothes on, so it was quite fascinating.
The porn actresses featured in the doco were very diverse. As one would expect, there were a couple of dozen actresses who were blonde, slim and huge breasted, but there was also one actress who was black, slim and huge breasted, and one actress who was Asian, slim and small breasted. Really quite an extraordinary collection of female forms.
As for the men, well, they were a revelation. Seriously. I didn't recognise this straight away as the renowned photographer began by taking pics of the guys with their clothes on. Of course, I did notice that one of the men seemed to be tucking something ginormous down the leg of his jeans, but I assumed it was a spare sock, or maybe a Subway bread roll for his lunch. It wasn't until he stripped off for his naked shot that I saw what it actually was.
It was a penis.
Now, I kind of guessed that the porn actors would have penises. I've been around the block once or twice or even *insert number of times I've actually been around the block* times. And I've seen the odd porno. But I have never, and I repeat NEVER, seen anything like this specimen. Ladies (and gentlemen), it was terrifying. If I had ever contemplated a future in the porn industry (which I really would do only when Toddler started school full time) then this put me right off. The thing was HUGE.
Now, I know some women believe that size is important (although personally, I have always been more attracted to the man attached to the penis than the penis attached to the man), but this thing was a killer. If I was to see something that size come at me (er, so to speak) I would throw my shoes at it in terror and run screaming from the room.
That, of course, is never going to happen, as I'm happily married to a man whose penis is *insert husband's actual penis size here* inches long. But it freaked me out big time. Firstly, because I did not realise that there was another category after 'small', 'medium' and 'large'.
And secondly, I have NO idea how they manage to walk around with those things.