The other day, I discovered two pieces of paper on the kitchen table. One, in neat bullet points in orange pen, was clearly written by my 11 year old son. He had interviewed his nine year old sister about... wait for it... what she thinks about Mummy. And on a second, substantially larger piece of paper, written in considerably messier writing, contained the transcription of my daughter's interview with him.
Oh goody goody goody. Let's see what we have here.
From my son (as written by my daughter):
- She go's away too much. Well I'm sorry honey, but if I didn't go's away occasionally, I might just go's potty. Consider it an investment.
- She's sometimes rong. Yes, it's true. I'm sometimes rong. But mostly, I'm wright. In fact, stuff it. I'm ALWAYS wright. And don't you forget it!
- She gives good food. That I do. And I know you're actually referring to those times I take you to Macdonald's, but I'll try to pretend you're talking about my roast chicken.
- She gives Lots of mony. Oh you have NO idea how much mony I give.
- She is strict and blames me for stuff. I am SO not strict. And I only blame you for stuff because you do it! Gee. I feel quite hard done by now.
- She likes playing monopoly and find fore. Yes I do. Very much. Okay, not so much, but I don't mind it at all. Okay, I actually hate it, but I'm very, very glad you haven't noticed.
As for his sister, well, she reported her own concerns about me, carefully noted down by her brother:
- Lets people wreak room. Well, I wouldn't say LETS people wreak room. I can't help it if Toddler breaks in and wreaks room. Likewise if your very own friends come to play and wreak room. And who cleans room after people wreak room? That's right. ME. Could we have some balance, please?
- Takes to fun places. I do, don't I??? Woo hoo! I am Best Mother In World.
- Takes to bad places. Oh. Oh, okay. Oh dear.
- Always nice. Yes! YES! NOW you're talking!
- Makes us do things we dont want. Oh come ON!!! I have to! If I didn't make you do things you didn't want, you'd never shower! Or wear shoes! Or have an education! Or move away from the TV! Or eat anything that couldn't be bought from a convenience store! I mean, give me a BREAK!!
- Lets watch TV (even school mornings). I don't! I hardly ever let you watch TV on school mornings! Just... you know... when you're all dressed and ready. Or when I'm running really late. Or when I'm giving you a special treat. Or when... Okay. I let you watch TV even on school mornings.
- Good mum. Thank god for that.
So tell me... what do you think your kids (or husband, or friends, or enemies???) would say about YOU??????