January 25, 2010

Too Good To Live In

Regular readers of this blog (and anyone who saw me running around agitatedly clutching a roll of masking tape) will know we recently moved house. For new readers (helloooooo! welcome!) you can read about my fun life in a two bedroom apartment with seven hundred children here, and all about my marvellously relaxing move here.

Our new place is great. We have a walk in wardrobe for me (well, theoretically it’s for me and my husband to share, but I think two small drawers and a shoe stand is perfectly sufficient for his needs). A play area for the kids. A garden. Even a second sink in the kitchen in case we decide to go kosher (or grow hydroponic cabbages, which is equally as likely).

It’s perfect. A little too perfect, if you know what I mean.

You see, the kids and I have never lived in a new house before. And it turns out we’re not very good at it.

I don’t know whether we are genetically clumsy, or if we are subconsciously destroying our new home in an attempt to recall the familiar sensation of the hovel we’ve left behind. But in the space of just a few weeks we have already broken a doorknob, busted a lamp and scratched the living room floor - using ‘we’ in the sense of… well… ‘me’.

As for the kids, well, they have stained a new cushion, nicked a blind, and chipped some paint off the walls. And little Boo has drawn with texta on a chair, spilled orange juice on the carpet, and vomited into a shag pile rug, which pretty much takes out the prize for Most Disgusting Defacing Of Household Furniture EVER.

Still, I feel pretty relaxed about it all. After all, these things are going to happen, and a new house can’t stay pristine forever. Right?

Well, not according to my husband. He is the architect behind our magnificent new creation, and its ongoing occupation (read ‘destruction’) by his family has become a source of deep consternation. Each minor piece of damage we inflict upon the house – not to mention each water-mark on the table, or each footprint on the floor - causes him to gnash his teeth and tear his hair (straight into the bin, he doesn’t want to leave a mess).

My husband, you see, believes our home should be maintained in its original, unspoiled state. He feels that any mess (using ‘mess’ in the sense of object) should be immediately removed from sight and placed neatly in a cupboard. This is fine if it is, say, a jacket, but not so fine when it is a bowl of cereal you haven’t even finished eating. So outraged is he by the very markers of our presence (such as, for example, handprints) that I’m starting to doubt whether he intended this house for human occupation at all. Perhaps we were all just meant to live in the garage, only entering the premises to clean.

The issue has caused some stress and we have attempted to find a solution. I suggested that my husband relax, and enjoy his time in the family home. He suggested we each don plastic gloves, and teach the children to hover a metre above the floor.

Still, this morning, to my great surprise, he left a cup on the sink, instead of placing it straight in the dishwasher.

Woo hoo! I think we’re starting to make progress.

19 comments:

  1. I'm torn. I'm not sure who I want to marry more. You, or your husband.

    If my Hubby would put his dishes in the dishwasher, I'd be one happy woman. (Instead he leaves his dishes on the WRONG side of the sink, which drives me batty!) But then he annoys me when he walks around saying things like, "If you leave the table too close to the bay window, the kids will push back their chairs and damage the blinds. You have to look after things." Then he goes off to "tsk tsk" at the handprints on the fridge, before leaving his sweaty cycling helmet and gloves on the hall table on his way to the shower.

    Now you know why I'm so confused all the time. *sigh*

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  2. Geez are we married to the same guy? My husband is Anal with a capital A. Cannot stand one bit of mess. Which sadly for him, is too fricken bad because with three kids, one teeny house and a three year old who throws chopped up devon across the room for his own amusement, his stress levels are through the roof.

    To make matters worse, I chipped a newly lain tile the other day in my haste to show him a my colour coordinating abilities. Didn't that go down a treat.

    Oh and the other day I brushed past his new car with J's kindy bag and shock-horror, put a mark on the duco.

    ONce these men realise they are fighting a losing battle, the stress levels around Australia will go down like Paris Hilton in a home porno.

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  3. wow. the boyfriend never. ever. puts his cups in the dishwasher. neither does his father. like. seriously how hard is it to open the frickin' door?

    obviously hard.

    i find it amusing cause in our bedroom. im a mess. everything is everywhere. the futon {which isnt ours but has to stay in the room and cause clutter} is where our pile of washed clothes go. then the desk {if you could call it that. me and my laptop reside on the bed} is covered in papers and crap. like xbox controllers, bras, headphones, dvds, iphone boxes, oh and i guess the boyfriends desktop. then you come to my lovely side of the bed. and wow-ee. messy.

    the boyfriend hates our room being a mess. for me. its liveable. i always have been messy in the room. its my space. when i lived in shared accommodation first time out on my own. i literally had a very small pathway from the door to the bed. everything else was covered in papers and crap. it was comforting to say the least. lol.

    but i make sure every other room in this god-forsaken house is clean. why? cause no one else will do it.

    one thing i do hate though. is that because the scum in the shower built up over 3yrs with no one cleaning it. i cannot for the life of me get the black crap off the grout in the tiles. any ideas?

    hmm. i dont think i really had anything helpful in that comment did i? nope. just rambling carly. haha.

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  4. I'm with you, Kerri. My husband likes to pretend he never makes a mess and I constantly get blamed for all the mess.

    Funny, because like the coffee mug your hubby left in the sink this morning, my husband will often nag at me for not cleaning the coffee machine, only to leave said coffee machine dirty the next time HE uses it. (Somehow, I still get the blame?!)

    I suggest you move yourself and the kids to the garage just to prove the point to your husband that he can - and does - contribute to the mess too! (Plus, he'll realise that a huge empty house is just no fun without you guys in it!)

    :)

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  5. Isn't it funny how we often end up with opposites? I'm a little more relaxed ( my husband would say, a lot more relaxed) about the state of the house than he is. I think it's all the brand new shininess of it all. I drove our new car under stress, hoping that there would be no new scratches from the trips out and was so relieved when he came home one day, with a long face to confess that he had backed the car into a pole. Yes! I didn't do it... such a relief. Once the shine or rather the polish has worn off the idea that you're in a brand new place, he'll prob relax. I so dread moving as we will be going to a rental for the first time. My husband will be following me and the kids around with a dustbuster, catching crumbs as we go.

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  6. Goodness, long comments, i'll try to be brief. Well we get a new house every 2-3 years in a new state or territory, as my husband is a soldier & this is the life of an Army family. Every scratch, dent, donk, crack - my husband notices & records & repairs, as we have strict inspections & things must be left spotless. Here i'll insert - we had 4 children in 4 years!! Sure NOW they're all in primary school & sensible, well no, as they are just bigger & concentrate their destruction into before & after school hours.
    Add to that my husband goes away for 6 months at a time, so he notices the incidents, he can't gloss over day to day, like when i drove the Landcruiser through the wall in the garage, biggest dent award goes to Mummy!! I am good at winning things.
    Good luck, remember the old adage of home versus house, you don't want people feeling uncomfortable & like they can't relax. Then they won't feel like they can bring half a dozen screaming messy children over. Love Posie

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  7. Ah yes, the architect. My husband is one of those too. When I moved into his museum, sorry I mean house, it was a struggle for him for a while as he watched me put photos all around the house and slowly turn it into a home. It took me just over 2 years to be "allowed" to put pics up on the walls!

    Now we have a puppy who is losing his winter coat and has chewed a permanent marker and left marks on the upstairs carpet, and who spilt a cup of tea on the downstairs rug.

    Yep the museum, is definitely now a 'home'!

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  8. A NEW house? How crass. Our house is supposedly over 100 years old, which is nearly as old as me. Older house have FAR more character, rather like me, again. Do you get my drift? You could trip OVER the dust here, but who cares?............

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  9. I have fixed this problem by designating my lovely Robert to all domestic duties. I run the business, he runs the household. I leave a trail of destruction and empty coffee cups behind me so I can find my way back to the front door. Works for me. (oh, we also changed the locks so the kids can't come home)

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  10. Well firstly.. the walk in robe.. of course it's just for you! LOL
    I'm a bit with the hubby on the destruction of the home. He's worked hard to make it perfect & although we are not all perfect we can do better... Can't we. ;-)

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  11. Great post Kerri, I think you should all dress up in garbage bag clothes with gloves and hair nets and greet him at the door with domestos and cloth in hand then follow him around cleaning up after him, make it a game for the kids and see what the outcome is. There may be no outcomes but it could be fun.

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  12. bahaha. Hillarious. This happened to us. We extended our old home so we had the OLD and then the NEW. The old was where we tried to keep the kids, but they were very persistant and we had to let them into the NEW area. Sucks. Now the OLD and the NEW are equally manky. xxx

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  13. I was working this morning and thinking about you and I have an idea, how about cover evrything with plastic like tyhe italians do?!, couch, armchars, tables floors, chairs and best but not least lampshades, everything stay clean, with this hot days it might get little bit sticky and hot and sweaty, a little price to play, if he want the house to be new forever, ps do not forget formaline as well love ooxx

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  14. Move to the garage, dress in garbage bags, or cover everything in plastic.
    So many decisions!
    I'm thinking I might just go with all three.....

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  15. I'm moving to a new house later this year, I'm sure I'll be anal for the first day...then I'm going to just have to let it go. Sometimes I think the best thing to do with something new is damage it a little. It sure saves a lot of stress from trying to keep things pristine!

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  16. Oh, I can understand his reaction. A new house, designed by him? He'd have an enormous amount of pride in it (on top of a significant amount of money) and the urge to keep it pristine for a long as possible must be unbearable.

    That said, I know I for one couldn't possibly maintain that level of anal-retentiveness for long. Kids clobber it out of you.

    We're still living with the joy of a "2 bedroom hovel" and dreaming of a house - oh, the space, the privacy! I hope you're enjoying it!

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  17. I was working this morning and thinking about you and I have an idea, how about cover evrything with plastic like tyhe italians do?!, couch, armchars, tables floors, chairs and best but not least lampshades, everything stay clean, with this hot days it might get little bit sticky and hot and sweaty, a little price to play, if he want the house to be new forever, ps do not forget formaline as well love ooxx

    ReplyDelete
  18. Great post Kerri, I think you should all dress up in garbage bag clothes with gloves and hair nets and greet him at the door with domestos and cloth in hand then follow him around cleaning up after him, make it a game for the kids and see what the outcome is. There may be no outcomes but it could be fun.

    ReplyDelete
  19. wow. the boyfriend never. ever. puts his cups in the dishwasher. neither does his father. like. seriously how hard is it to open the frickin' door?

    obviously hard.

    i find it amusing cause in our bedroom. im a mess. everything is everywhere. the futon {which isnt ours but has to stay in the room and cause clutter} is where our pile of washed clothes go. then the desk {if you could call it that. me and my laptop reside on the bed} is covered in papers and crap. like xbox controllers, bras, headphones, dvds, iphone boxes, oh and i guess the boyfriends desktop. then you come to my lovely side of the bed. and wow-ee. messy.

    the boyfriend hates our room being a mess. for me. its liveable. i always have been messy in the room. its my space. when i lived in shared accommodation first time out on my own. i literally had a very small pathway from the door to the bed. everything else was covered in papers and crap. it was comforting to say the least. lol.

    but i make sure every other room in this god-forsaken house is clean. why? cause no one else will do it.

    one thing i do hate though. is that because the scum in the shower built up over 3yrs with no one cleaning it. i cannot for the life of me get the black crap off the grout in the tiles. any ideas?

    hmm. i dont think i really had anything helpful in that comment did i? nope. just rambling carly. haha.

    ReplyDelete

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