November 17, 2009

Things That Make Us Go 'Weird'!

I have a secret. I eat oranges. Compulsively.

Well, not oranges, per se. More like orange. One per morning. Every morning of my life.

The first thing I do when I get out of bed, before brushing my teeth, before feeding my children -hell, before even greeting my children – is sit down at the table and eat an orange. It's as fundamental to me as breathing.

Now, I admit, no-one else I know eats an orange every single morning of their life. No-one else ensures that their fridges are stacked with oranges at all times, even denying their own children an orange in the evening if it means there won’t be one available for the morning.

And, for a while, I was ashamed of my orange fetish. I tried to hide it from friends, furtively eating my orange in bed on weekends away, guiltily smuggling oranges from the breakfast buffet on holidays.

But then, as I grew older, and started looking around me, I stopped being ashamed. Everyone has idiosyncrasies. Everyone does weird things. And who are others to judge me when they are just as peculiar themselves?

My father, for example, is known for his devotion to apples (yes, fruit fetishes must run in the family). He eats a minimum of four to five a day, core and all. And my mother (she who thinks I’M strange) will not leave the house without making the bed. EVER. She could be deathly ill, on her way to hospital on a stretcher, and she would ask to be let down to make the bed before they depart.

My own husband has dozens of odd habits. Some involve food, others involve his work practices, and several involve his choice of underwear. And my youngest child is so quirky she could qualify as another species. From offering complete strangers a smell of her blanket, to sucking the noses of people she loves, to singing Happy Birthday at the top of her lungs to everyone she meets, the child is unconventional, to say the least.

As for my girlfriends, well, one lets her toenails grow to ridiculous lengths, one is on a constant quest to buy the perfect pair of brown boots to add to her collection -none of which she ever wears, and a third gets – wait for it – eyelash extensions. And one obsessive friend wears nose pore strips every two or three nights. IN BED. WITH HER HUSBAND.

Oh, hang on. That nose strip one is me. Guess some of us have more than one weird habit.

We all have our eccentricities. They are what differentiate us from, well, each other. I mean, if I wasn’t a nose-strip-wearing-eater-of-daybreak-oranges, I could be you. So let’s embrace our inner weirdos, and be proud of how odd we are.

But if I see you laying a hand on one of my oranges, you’re outta here.

56 comments:

  1. Oh, Kerri. I'll never look at you the same way again. From now on, you will be bathed in orange-infused light...

    My secrets? Too many to list. And you'd have to pay me a lot of money for me to disclose them. *At least* five dollars.

    But here's one for free: I can't stand my hair to be unwashed. Unbrushed? Okay. Uncut for months (even years) at a time? That's fine. But unwashed for even one day? Ergh. It makes my entire person feel slimy. Call me The Lady MacBeth of the Head. Actually, don't call me that. That's a stupid name. Even more stupid than my REAL name, which you'd have to pay me far more than five dollars to disclose. AT LEAST $5.50.

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  2. Omg Kerri, you are so weird!
    Almost as weird as my husband who has a drain fetish, you heard! He has put in at least 3 new drainage pipelines around the yard since we moved in 6 years ago (most of them re-dug up about 3 times each until they were 'perfect') and the minute it rains or storms he's out in it checking the drains and gutters, no matter how wet, windy or wild it is!
    I, on the other hand, am perfectly normal. So is your mum by the way, every bed must be made every day no matter what. Oh, and every coat hanger in my house is facing the same direction, but that's normal too, right?

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  3. Well while we're sharing....I still sleep with my pink elephant even though I now have kids who sleep with their own elephants (and teddies and blankets). My husband is there too....just so is the elephant.
    I avoid my kids (instead of comforting them) if they say they have a tummy ache because I am terrified of vomit. Oh and on the topic have a full blown fish phobia.
    Well that's me.....or at least the stuff I'll confess to....

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  4. Your husband must be SOOOOO lucky. Pore strips, mouth guard...sexy times ahoyyyy

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  5. MY secret!!! I would rather throw out the cheap imitation tupperware containers I have than clean it when I discover something inside has gone mouldy. I have thrown the container's out on more than one occasion in effort to avoid having to open it... and the bed only has to be made when I am not coming home that day..
    But YOU are perfectly normal.. eating an orange a day is healthy! good for your skin too! I might try it... I ate one last week for the first time in years!!!

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  6. Hmm, is kissing other men and finding them attractive an idiosyncrasy? Maybe not, sorry, I spent too long listening to the Catholics.

    Anyhoo, I have a lot of those. I'm going to wager even more than you. I'm like a big bundle of quirk (now with 20 per cent more quirk!)

    When I list these you have to understand that if they do not happen as I need them to, I get very tense and angry.

    > MUST have inky pens, no ballpoints.
    > I will not eat meat if I can see a bone in it. Ever.
    > I do not like crunchy fruit or vegetables, even if I like the taste.
    > I will never, ever use both sides of a piece of paper to write on.
    > I won't go to a party if the number of people I don't know will outnumber the number of people I do know.

    I could go on forever but Jesus, I wish mine were at least as healthy as yours.

    Daybreak oranges, what a fucking hoot!

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  7. I wonder if you're related to my stepfather. He has an orange every night before bed. Slurpily.

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  8. Anon: An orange BEFORE BED every night??? That's just odd. Oranges are CLEARLY for the morning.

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  9. My List:

    1. I MUST have my morning coffee at 9.17am.

    2. I cannot write with black pens. They must be blue. Fine point, medium, ball point, whatever, just NOT BLACK.

    3. When walking up stairs, if the person in front of me steps on the first stair with their left foot, I have to use my right.

    4. When shopping, I cannot take the item closest to the edge of the shelf. I have to take the one behind it.

    Like Rick, I could go on and on...but I think it's best if I quit now....

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  10. You are a very wise woman Kerri, see you knew that simply by sharing this one little tidbit that the floodgates would open and freaks such myself would fess up!!!!!!! And now you don't feel quite as weird you did!!
    I can't have a drink with a straw because I can't have anyone else touch my straw! EVER!!!

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  11. ooh Benita,
    I also do your 2 & 4. I forgot about those. People do look at me very strangely when I take things from behind the front item. i think it's very normal. :)

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  12. The toilet paper must roll out from under the roll, not over. I once had a toilet paper feud at work with someone who had the opposite idiosyncrasy to me. It was very frustrating and I never found out who it was.

    The left shoe must go on first every time.

    If I have cheerios for breakfast, I have to count how many on each spoonful. If I'm in a hurry, I have cornflakes instead.

    I also have many more but that's enough sharing for today!

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  13. Every word I hear, say, hear, write, I am secretly adding up in my head the number of letters in the word/phrase/sentence and seeing if I can divide them by anything. And if I can't, if they are (so to speak) "prime words", then I get a very small thrill.

    Oh, and years ago, before I developed this habit, I used to mentally type everything in my head. Sometimes my fingers would even twitch as I typed the words I was hearing/saying/thinking.

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  14. Eyelash extensions - that is just brilliant. Wish I had those!

    I love pore strips and I love brown boots but I hate oranges.
    I have NEVER left the house with an unmade bed (mine or Little Pencil's) and would love to spend time with your mother
    I cannot sleep if there are dirty dishes in the house
    I also cannot sleep if there is chocolate in the house
    Sometimes I cannot sleep if there is chocolate in someone else's house
    I do not leave my dog alone for more than 5 hours at a time MAXIMUM
    I count during stressful situations or when I want the time to go faster
    I list my quirks on other people's blogs

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  15. I think I have a mild case of OCD. It's definitely the only way to explain some of my idiosyncrasies. Some of them are just plain weird, though.

    *When hanging on racks and folded, towels must have the two edges that meet on the right (from my perspective, looking at the towel rack), and the folded edge on the left.
    *I have a thing about symmetry (even if I may not be able to spell it right...can't be bothered checking right now). The tiles along the bottom of the wall in our bathroom don't line up with the tiles on the floor, and it shits me no end, as does the fact that our shower head is NOT ACTUALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOWER. And last year, when my music teacher used to wear a jacket with a zip that started in the middle, then slanted off to my right, I used to want to rip it off her and put it through a shredder. It was a crime against humanity, I tells you.
    *Despite afformentioned obsession with symmetry, nothing in my bedroom is really symmetrical, because there's too much crap everywhere for that to happen, and the posters just wouldn't fit that way, and it doesn't bother me in the least.
    *If I'm refilling the dog's water bowl, I have to empty it, rinse it (if not wash it properly), and then refill it. It makes me really uneasy when I see other members of the family just putting extra water in it, without disposing of the old stuff, and I'm not sure why, because water can't really go off.
    *The volume on the TV has to be either an even number, or a multiple of 5. The best volume on the TV in my bedroom is 13, and it drives me crazy. I usually watch it slightly too loud, at 14. Stereos, however, can be at pretty much any volume they like.
    *I find it just about physically impossible to shave my legs without singing along with the radio. I will sing along, even if I hate the song, because I'm just that weird.

    And it goes on, but I think I've publically exposed enough crazy for now.

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  16. Good to see we all get our freak on from time to time.


    . Can't drink bits in drinks. No pulp, no floaty ANYTHING.
    . Have to put my right foot into my shoe before my left.
    . For many years I ate tinned peas and corn for lunch most every day.

    Wish one of mine led to me having an immaculate house and going postal at the sight of dust on the blinds, but alas, mine are just shit ones.

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  17. Hmm so many quirks above that I can relate to, but a few extra ones that I posess:

    1. When I wake up in the morning I sit up in bed and just stare for a period of time until I am ready. I will not talk to, nor answer anyone until the moment (usually from 2-10 minutes) passes. Much like your oranges, sans the oranges.

    2. we have at least 20 coffee cups in our house, I only drink from three of them, two for coffee and one if I am having tea. I do not enjoy my drinks and my face starts twitching if I am ever given a different mug.

    3. I need music constantly. Not good music, but music nonetheless. If am I out, then I am creating soundtracks in my mind. When I meet people I try to match them up with a song (this also helps me remember them). the only time I do not have music in my head is if I am watching TV, reading or listening to the radio (talking).

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  18. Wait! Stop the presses! Kerri, my sister eats an orange EVERY MORNING. Without fail. First thing she eats. Then brekky, coffee, tea etc.

    She does it because it's supposed to ward off cancer or something. When she comes to stay, I have to have the fridge stocked with them.

    How freaky is that? Now there's two of you.

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  19. Some of the above items make me twitch... but me, I'm perfectly normal...
    -Toilet roll MUST be put on holder so toilet paper comes over the top. I WILL change it if it's wrong at your house.
    -Coat hangers must all face with hook pointing into back of the wardrobe
    -Remember don't step on the crack, or you'll break your mother's back... thanks to me my Mum has a very strong back with no cracks
    -face washers are folded in on them selves so no folds show
    -t shirts are folded department store style
    -and best to step away from my dishwasher I'll only re stack it the correct way after you have 'tried' to do it.
    -oh and items on display must be in odd numbers, not even... EVER.
    See... perfectly normal!

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  20. Ally YES! I also have to drink my coffee from a certain cup, and tea from a certain cup, and I have actually talked myself into believing that the coffee/tea tastes bad if I don't have it in THAT cup.

    And with that admission, and the one about having to drink my coffee at 9.17am every day, I must be a pain in the arse to have coffee with....

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  21. These comments are cracking me up.

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  22. Did you ever work for NHP Nomie?
    Are YOU my toilet paper nemesis?

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  23. I have NO bad habits.Nose pore strips, AND a mouthguard? How many kids have you got? Your husband is a champion.If he finds that pairing attractive, he is either desperate for physical you know what, or blindly in love.........Oh hang on. I tweet far to much, and most of it is bullshit.Oh, and I LOVE oranges, but only between 1 and 2 pm..........

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  24. Oh yeah, I forgot, I can't sleep with dirty feet. Don't have to have a shower before bed, but do need to wash my feet.
    And TV volume has to be on a multiple of 2 or 5.
    Again...perfectly normal according to all the other comments on this post!

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  25. I can't handle having a dirty floor hence my mopping/vaccuuming problem, I clean my ears every day (!), I like to squeeze pimples...gross, I know.

    My daughter likes to sing Happy Birthday to you full volume in public too.

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  26. haha these are fantastic! I too, am very normal:

    1. I always type my assignments on my laptop at my desk which is in my room, my desk must be tidy and my bed made with nothing on the floor - if i am anywhere else no matter if the assignment is due the next day i simply cannot do it.

    2. I have to tie my hair up when it's wet - not because it will make me cold - the texture on my back freaks me out.

    3. My mum has an ENJO kitchen cloth used to wipe the benches, i can't touch it. It frightens me. I can just imagine all the germs inside the bloody thing. My dad swears he sees it move and i've been known to run from it when pushed in my general direction.

    I'll stop before you think i'm too weird!

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  27. Wow. I thought I was mental cos I liked an odd number of icecubes in drinks.

    Apparently not ;)

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  28. Ah, Angela I think you'll find that actually it's YOU who are My toilet paper nemesis, as you know deep in your heart that I am 100% correct, and have the diagrams to prove it.

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  29. Oh, & Thea's feet comment reminded me, I HATE feet touching me... makes my skin crawl, even clean feet. Feet are disgusting... but shoes, they are pretty....

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  30. What a lot of circus freaks we are.
    *Toilet paper - yep, the loose bit goes OVER the top.
    *Must wash hair every day.
    *Cannot share drinks with my kids - I JUST KNOW THEY BACKWASH IN IT! If they need a sip of mine, it's theirs.
    *Cannot wear clothes twice without washing.
    *Must use fine point pens, no medium points.
    *and this is just the start!

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  31. I'm with Thea, I absolutely CAN'T go to bed with dirty feet. I have been known to wash my feet in a bowl or in the bath before bed.. Even IF I get the odd strange look.. And toilet paper OBVIOUSLY goes over the TOP!! My ex boy-friend and I used to fight this one out all the time, and whenever I visited his house I make sure I TURN IT AROUND, it can go on forever.. Doesn't matter where I am if I find it the wrong way round I will change it..
    I do not like quietness, EVER!! And the coat-hangers of course belong facing all in one direction. But this is not weird. This is NORMAL!!!!

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  32. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, this post and all your comments have cracked me up. I used to think I was quirky, that I possessed unique little idiosyncrasies. Now it is clear to me that the idiosyncrasies are perfectly normal & that it is all the 'normal' people who are wierd.

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  33. I wish I started each day with an orange, or even orange juice. My first thing in the morning thing is Diet Coke. I know I know, it's terrible. I just can't start the day without it, and I get up really early and it's the first thing I do, on my way out the door to exercise! I drink a can on the way to my morning workout. But in every other way I am totally perfect!

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  34. As I walk from the train station to work I count how many people are wearing purple (because that's the same colour as the tiles in the train station). It's a 5 minute walk and my all time record is 12 purple-wearers. All shades of purple count and the person only needs one item in full purple, be it clothing, a tie / scarf or handbag.

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  35. Ok, so entirely by accident, I discovered this today: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/I-have-to-have-the-TV-volume-on-an-even-number-or-a-multiple-of-five/203337931756?v=wall&ref=nf
    That's right, a Facebook group with over 64,000 fans WHO ALL HAVE my weird thing about the TV volume. And I thought I was the only one...

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  36. What an entertaining post and comments! Has made my day!
    Ok so my quirks...
    1. I am an over-the-top toilet paper girl, I will change it at families houses but not friends as I had a girlfriend change mine, not nice.
    2. My computer chair must be the exact height. It is a swivel chair that you spin to adjust the height up and down, shits me when people (my partner) purposely go round and round on it.
    3. I cannot eat meat off the bone, hate it. I don't like the feeling of bone on my teeth.
    4. Dark meat on chicken, even if its a spot I will cut it off and put it in the bin (I can't leave it on my plate).
    5. I clean my teeth on the shower every morning. No shower = no clean teeth in the morning.

    I'm sure there is more but anymore and you'll think I'm weird. Oh and the partner - he must cut all his corn off the cob before eating it.

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  37. can't eat out of a bowl or drink out of a cup that has a crack in it.. if it has a crack it has to go.. and I like to have a matching fork and knife to eat my dinner with... my sister will not eat her dinner if the food which is served up on the plate is touching each other. so the potatoes can't touch the beans and vice versa..

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  38. I love magazines and have to ensure i have an un-thumbed copy. This means you will see me pulling a mag from near the bottom of the pile and if there is only one left I will go to another shop rather than pay good money for a magazine that has been opened.

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  39. Ange, we must never share a toilet...I am adamant the paper must come OVER the roll.

    Apart from that I think I'm pretty non-OCD (well, maybe ignoring the fact that I get twitchy if my books are out of height order in the bookcase and I used to have a phobia of wire coathangers...but I'm sure that's another post...)

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  40. OMfrickenG Cerry, I cannot believe there is a Facebook group with 64000 fans who do the multiple of 2 & 5 volume on the telly thing! I'm soooo not special, but I'm sooo jumping on Facebook right now to join that group!

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  41. I feel positively boring. I can't think of anything that I Have to have a particular way. there's things I prefer a particular way but I can get along either way... How sad lol

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  42. Dramaqueen : I am totally with you on the magazines. When my mum used to buy for me I would always check with her that she took from the back.
    Speaking of parents, when I am parents' house there is only one placemat i can use. When I wad growing up my dad had these glasses, deacorated with different operas. I could only drink from turandot.
    I can't ever use a glass that's had an egg cracked in it (I will smell it) and at home I will only drink water from my pink cup (yes I am 31).

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  43. hmmm
    all my underwear is folded perfectly in the drawer, all my clothes in the wardrobe are on hangers facing the same way and the colours are graduated whites through to darks for shirts, pants and skirts separately - sadly I don't do any of that myself, luckily I live in a country where it is done for me - however I could now never live without any of these things - problem that may see me never return to Aus as every return holiday there is an undie folding festival that I just can't get right and it stresses me out

    My husband -
    Right leg in pants first
    Right shoe on first (has even gone so far to correct our children -even our left handed one on this - I chase him away in case they get a complex -or actually start doing this)
    must have glass of water beside his bed before bedtime
    must adjust his sheets just so before the shower he must have before bedtime
    must turn / touch the clock beside his bed every night to ensure it is in exactly the right position
    I could go on - but others need space as well ;-)

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  44. Ok. First of all. I'm a toilet paper "over" kinda gal.

    Secondly. My thing is also toilet related. It's going to the toilet before bed. I must wee, even if I have to SQUEEZE one out, right before bed. So, if I wee, then get distracted and have to do something else, even if it only takes me a minute or two to do it (eg, check the boys, brush my teeth) I have to wee again. I've been know to wee, then go to bed, to discover no water near the bed. I go to the kitchen, fetch the water, put it beside the bed, and then go back for another wee. I CANNOT, repeat CANNOT go to bed unless the last thing I have done is wee.

    Phew. I feel so much better for sharing that.

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  45. UNDER! UNDER! The toilet paper must go UNDER the roll...bah...

    Agree with everyone who hates feet. HATE touching other people's feet, hate anyone else's feet being anywhere NEAR me...watching people clip their toenails actually makes me nausious...

    Getting dressed - always the left leg first.

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  46. ok, I'm back.. with MORE WEIRDNESS! I am surrounded by weirdo's!!!!! My dad will crack it if someone uses the microwave and presses pause on it before it the allotted time is up, leaving the leftover time on the microwave display.. he gets very upset at this...

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  47. I have an irrational fear of the word 'irrational'. Yeah, it gets tough.

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  48. emlykd, That pisses me off too, because it means when I go to check the time, I get all confused. Yes, I'm easily confused, but seriously, how hard is it to press the stop/clear button a second time?

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  49. I hate the smell of old metal so can't use cutlery that is vintage/old or at a grandmother's house. Just can't do it!

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  50. ok, ok, first - yay for this blog post and the plethora of weirdos laying their souls bare...

    Second, a big yes to all of these:
    - must wash hair every single day (clearly I'm not going adventuring in the jungle anytime soon)
    - can not share drinks with small children (backwash! ewwww!)
    - TV/radio volume must be on ODD number
    - coat hangers must all match and face the same way
    - I also count during stressful situations (it's the only way I get through a visit to the dentist)

    Also, I can't sleep if there is a cupboard or wardrobe door open in the room.

    Lastly, Anon, way back up there with the step-father who eats an orange every night: that's MY step-dad (perhaps he has been living double life?)

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  51. Okay i wasnt guna share my crazy, but you guys have inspired me!

    - I can't have the things on my bedside table touching each other. Particularly my phone mustn't touch my lamp. If they are touching then i think the house will go on fire. Yes, i know that doesnt make any sense.
    - when I buy hot chips, i always get two sachets of salt. I always (always!) only use one. But i always get two, and then throw one in the bin or keep it in my handbag.
    - Like Jodie, i must pee before bed. Even if i don't need to. Sometimes i have tried to go to bed without peeing, since i dont need to go, but then i lie in bed and worry that im going to need to go during the night. And of course i then make myself need to go. And if not, then i'll inevitably have to get up and go in the middle of the night. So it's not worth the hassle. I just make sure my bladder is EMPTIED before i hit the sack!!

    That's enough crazy for now... :-)

    And i think the toilet roll goes OVER, but id never change it in someone else's house...

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  52. Okay i wasnt guna share my crazy, but you guys have inspired me!

    - I can't have the things on my bedside table touching each other. Particularly my phone mustn't touch my lamp. If they are touching then i think the house will go on fire. Yes, i know that doesnt make any sense.
    - when I buy hot chips, i always get two sachets of salt. I always (always!) only use one. But i always get two, and then throw one in the bin or keep it in my handbag.
    - Like Jodie, i must pee before bed. Even if i don't need to. Sometimes i have tried to go to bed without peeing, since i dont need to go, but then i lie in bed and worry that im going to need to go during the night. And of course i then make myself need to go. And if not, then i'll inevitably have to get up and go in the middle of the night. So it's not worth the hassle. I just make sure my bladder is EMPTIED before i hit the sack!!

    That's enough crazy for now... :-)

    And i think the toilet roll goes OVER, but id never change it in someone else's house...

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  53. hmmm
    all my underwear is folded perfectly in the drawer, all my clothes in the wardrobe are on hangers facing the same way and the colours are graduated whites through to darks for shirts, pants and skirts separately - sadly I don't do any of that myself, luckily I live in a country where it is done for me - however I could now never live without any of these things - problem that may see me never return to Aus as every return holiday there is an undie folding festival that I just can't get right and it stresses me out

    My husband -
    Right leg in pants first
    Right shoe on first (has even gone so far to correct our children -even our left handed one on this - I chase him away in case they get a complex -or actually start doing this)
    must have glass of water beside his bed before bedtime
    must adjust his sheets just so before the shower he must have before bedtime
    must turn / touch the clock beside his bed every night to ensure it is in exactly the right position
    I could go on - but others need space as well ;-)

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  54. I wonder if you're related to my stepfather. He has an orange every night before bed. Slurpily.

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  55. I feel positively boring. I can't think of anything that I Have to have a particular way. there's things I prefer a particular way but I can get along either way... How sad lol

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  56. What a lot of circus freaks we are.
    *Toilet paper - yep, the loose bit goes OVER the top.
    *Must wash hair every day.
    *Cannot share drinks with my kids - I JUST KNOW THEY BACKWASH IN IT! If they need a sip of mine, it's theirs.
    *Cannot wear clothes twice without washing.
    *Must use fine point pens, no medium points.
    *and this is just the start!

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