October 12, 2009

Shaving It All Off

This may come as a shock to you, but I'm fantasizing about shaving it all off.

I have these fantasies from time to time, when I'm tired of all the trimming and styling. When it drives me crazy that - even after fluffing and adding product and putting clips in it - nine times out of ten it still looks messy. I just think it would be easier to be bald.

This current fantasy about shaving my head (yes my head, what did you think I meant?) has been coming on for a while. And it's luring me in with the promise of tangle-free mornings; of days without frizz; of evenings without my shiny head of cascading curls mutating into a dreadlocked mess of chunky knots.

On days like today, on a Bad Hair Afternoon, in a Bad Hair Week, at the end of a Bad Hair Month, I understand what Britney went through on that fateful day in the salon. I wonder if her 'bizarre' head-shaving may have had less to do with a drug-fuelled breakdown, and more to do with being tired of scraggly, overly bleached, impossible-to-comb long hair. (Okay, so maybe the drug-fuelled breakdown had something to do with it, but I'm sure it was the scraggly hair that was the clincher.)

Most women know Bad Hair Days. We all have times when we long for our hair to be different, whether thicker, finer, straighter, more curly, flatter, or more bouffant. But surely it's not just women who feel frustrated with their coiffs? Surely men feel the angst too? Not all, of course; after all, my husband doesn't seem to worry about styling - the fact that he has still has some hair at all is a source of delight to him. But perhaps men like Vin Diesel and Bruce Willis are bald not out of genetics but choice, having rejected a lifetime of knots and split ends in favour of a shiny, easy-to-maintain pate?

As a young woman, I was full of Hair Hope. I was sure that if I just kept searching, I would find the right product, the right hairdresser, the right style, and the right hairdrier to make my hair perfect. My hair would fall, magnificently, in beautifully defined ringlets, with just the right amount of body on the top, and just the right number of tendrils gently grazing my face below.

Now, as a more, er, mature person, I have come to accept reality. Which is that my perfect hair is never going to happen. The best I'm going to get is a nice cut and blowdry every so often (interspersed with some really crappy ones), creating a look I will only be able to replicate on rare occasions by complete fluke, and never on a day I actually have plans.

So for now, it's fantasies about shaving, which I shall harbour until my hairdressing appointment on Friday. And I'm really going to have a radical change this time. I might even let my hairdresser cut a whole three centimetres off.

What, you think I want to be bald???


  1. I have this fantasy on a regular basis so a couple of weeks ago I had my long hair cut and now it's a super short pixie cut. I love it. It looks done without me actually having to do anything.

  2. I have had almost 40 years of bad hair days!! I am having my hair 'Latino'ed this week. This involves some sort of sheep extract being applied to my hair and then they hot iron it on. That's it! Smooth, straight, glossy! No more bad hair days for me! Woo hoo. Yes, it costs $350. Yes, it only lasts 4 months. Yes, I have been struggling with my frizzy hair for nearly 40 years but I live in hope. This will change everything!!

  3. oooh - me too - trying to grow my hair so I routinely either dye, or give myself a hideous fringe to try and increase my enthusiasm for my bloody horrible hair :s - never considered bald though - bad short haircut when 8...dreadlocks though i have considered till I found out of I then get my kids headlice I WOULD have to shave my head Its a dilemma :)
    Plus side - I love your hair colour :)

  4. At school I use to gaze with envy at the girls with the straight, fine and wispy hair. Then I grew up and fell pregant and my hair was thick, luscious and shiny. Then I gave birth and handful by handful ended up with thin, wispy, FLAT hair. I believe there is some old saying about grass and being greener on the other side, or some such business.

  5. I whipped out the clippers the other night but chickened out. Bad hair life here continues

  6. Do it! I will be liberating!


  7. Another fantastic post, Kerri! I've been growing my hair out for so long now, and I love it when I get it freshly coiffed at the hair salon, but then it's back to tying it back every day. I just don't have the time or patience to spend the time it takes to blowdry it! I've toyed with the idea of a GHD, it's just forking out the $300...yeah, I'm cheap!

    Looking forward to the next one!

  8. I started this mornig feeling just so irritated, I was telling my husband how I woke up just feeling so annoyed. He asked me why and I snapped well OBVIOUSLY there is something wrong with my HAIR??!!! I don't know what is going on with my hair, which is usually smooth and shiny, now frizzy and dry and just totally foul. Maybe we could bring back short hair if we all cut together, maybe some kind of web linked hair cutting ceremony is in order?? I would really consider it, I can't believe how much hair can influence my mood!!! (By the way Kerri your hair looks lovely in your photo, I think you should hang in there) oxox

  9. Ah, at last... now I know my 24/7 hair obsession is not abnormal! I just wish I could live in a humidity free zone... not look like I have just rubbed my head on a balloon...

  10. I married a man who loves my hair short but for some vain, fighting age reason I have decided to grow it. I don't know why, I have no idea about styling of hair unless it involves a hair band and after a couple of missed hair appointments my blond highlights are looking as orange as a bodybuilders tan and the split ends!.Time for the chop I think, thanks for the inspiration ;)

  11. This is great timing. I just got my hair cut and coloured for the first time in months. I was so looking forward to it. Thinking finally my hair will actually look OK. Well.. I hate my new cut and colour. Not at all what I asked for. Happily today my hair has grown on me a little so I will also keep my hair.. for now.

  12. Kerri, you DO realise that long hair generally makes you look younger, and have you considered whether Simon would approve?....

  13. I feel your pain. I have frizzy, wavy, course hair and lots of it! It has taken me years to find a hair stylist who understands my hair.
    My worst hair disasters include a perm (what the hell was I thinking? Oh yeah, it was the 80's) a weird mullet (also the 80's) a razor cut (Lord, my hair poked out at every possible angle), a few years there of expensive chemical straightening and something a that could only be described as "trailer park trash" - my husband, usually diplomatic, christened it so.

    I fantastise about chopping it all off but it is so strong I fear it would sit at right angles to my head and be totally uncontrollable.

    It's diabolical. And then there is always the fear of what to do with it when I am older as longish hair looks weird on top of wrinkled bodies. Botox anyone?

  14. Hey Kerri - It's TheRealSydney - love your blog.

    I did shave it all off once - it was a home bleaching accident that resulted in a burnt scalp and a number 2 buzz cut - traumatic.

    But after I cried, I loved it, it was so liberating ... and it just feels fantastic!! I kept clippering it for about 6 months until it got cold, winter with no hair is not nice!

  15. I married a man who loves my hair short but for some vain, fighting age reason I have decided to grow it. I don't know why, I have no idea about styling of hair unless it involves a hair band and after a couple of missed hair appointments my blond highlights are looking as orange as a bodybuilders tan and the split ends!.Time for the chop I think, thanks for the inspiration ;)


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