October 9, 2009

Holiday Insights From A Frozen Woman On A Bench

I am a firm believer that one can learn something from almost any experience. Whether it's going to the supermarket ('Ah, stringers are a type of cheese'), attending a kids' birthday party ('Hmm... so it's not appropriate to take a slice of birthday cake before the candles have been lit...') or meeting a friend for coffee ('Yes... Botox can go hideously wrong'), we can take something away from every experience.

So, even on holidays at the central coast, where I have been visiting for over a decade, I still learn something new every time.

And on this particular trip, the list is already quite impressive:

  1. When visiting a holiday home it is not sufficient to have the keys to the front door. It is also an excellent idea to have the keys to the security padlock, so that you can actually GET to the front door. At 6.30pm. In the driving rain. With three kids in the car. Who are hungry.

  2. Being at home in the rain is annoying. Being at a holiday home with kids in torrential rain is like being trapped in a cage with three angry tigers. There are only so many games of Jenga and Cluedo one can throw at them before they eventually turn on you.

  3. The new and improved version of Cluedo is far more complicated than the original. It frightens me. I don't like change.

  4. In the presence of spiders, I am as Brave as a Lion.
  5. In the presence of mice, I turn into a cartoon character, screaming hysterically and jumping on benches. This does not earn me the respect of my children, though it gives my mother a very good laugh (though who is she to laugh I do not know, considering that in the presence of spiders she screams hysterically and jumps on benches).
  6. Sleeping with the Toddler in my bed does not lend itself to a good night sleep, unless one considers being woken every two hours to the cheerful sounds of "Loot, Mama, Teddy Bear!!!" to be 'good'.
  7. My favourite pair of jeans are disintegrating. This has little to do with my trip to the central coast, but is a fascinating piece of information nonetheless.
  8. I am the World's Most Inconsistent Packer. Though for one week away I brought two varieties of toothpaste, about 10,000 nappies, every children's DVD ever made, 150 outfits for Toddler, five packets of biscuits, and two foam visors for the kids to decorate (don't even ask), I neglected to pack minor essentials such as pyjamas for my daughter, a jacket for my son, long-sleeved tops for me, and chocolate. So as evening falls, we huddle frozen in front of the television, watching Shrek on DVD, trying to warm ourselves by burning nappies as I satisfy my chocolate cravings with Aldi wafer biscuits. Oh bliss.
  9. It is a great idea to take children's activity books with you, to provide distraction and entertainment. I wouldn't recommend the Junior Spot-The-Difference Puzzle Book, though. Way too hard for me. The kids liked it, though.

  10. The holidays are long.

9 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, being as brave AS a lion is scarecely enough these days in the presence of spiders. My friend was recently bitten by a particularly deadly breed the venom of which (I believe) could stop a thousand lions from a distance of infinity. Certainly it did things to his arm and the skin that made it look like the spider pus version of Pro Hart.

    Spiders are, if you ask me, the deathly instruments of Lucifer with more eyes than necessary (fucking show offs) and enough legs to be comprehensively boastful.

    I adore your blog, as you know.

    Adore it.

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  2. Also, I believe thetitle world's 'Most Inconsistent Packer' belongs to Jamie, who has lost more billions recently than I have dollars in my savings account.

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  3. oh Kerri! I LOVE this blog as always!! I do hope your "holiday" gets better!! At least you have the distant memory of your Fijian getaway to reminisce about? That is said with all sincerity, which is difficult to convey in the written form...!!

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  4. There is no such thing as a "holiday with children" - the very phrase itself is an oxymoron.

    Hang in there

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  5. oh yes, a total oxymoron - just 'moving children to place that may be fun but will probably be an abject dissapointment to all involved'
    Am not looking forward to upcoming trip interstate on train with 2 kids... - well done though - you're giving them memories :) Probably amazingly happy ones :)

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  6. Kerri, much as I would love to point and laugh at your tragic inadequacies as a travelling parent, I too must raise my hand and admit that I, too, and crap and traveling and holidaying with little people. I know this because I have just returned from a week at Port Macquarie. Now, I thought I was being a great parent and watching the weather report for about a week before we got there. "35 degrees" the weatherman was saying. "Perfect for fishing and boating". Thus, we prepared for a week of fishing and boating, and packed accordingly. Except that when we got out of the car, it was pouring rain, my son got blown over by the howling wind, and it would have been about 15 degrees. So we spent the weekend wrapped in blankets, with a bit of newspaper, for added insulation. While I was packing for the trip, I was whingeing about how much clothing etc I had to take, and Ally tweeted "that's why everyone goes up north for holidays. Cause all you've gotta take are a pair of cossies and a towel". Ohhh.

    Next stop, Far North Queensland....

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  7. But at least you have Welfington and Simon right ?

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  8. Hilarious! I laughed out loud. On the train. Now people are staring at me. Hope it gets better!! But I live on the central coast so I know that the weather has remained crap. Outdoor toddler time is essential to my sanity!

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