The Person Critic

I’m tired of people criticizing me for being opinionated and judgemental. It’s unfair. Not the part about me being opinionated and judgemental – I am! I love passing judgements on people - their appearance, their intellects, their conversation, their personalities. This, however, isn’t something to criticize.

Think about it. You don’t condemn food critics for judging their restaurant meal. You don’t condemn book reviewers for being opinionated about what they read. And I’m doing the same thing. I’m performing a valuable service for the community.

I am a Person Critic.

Other critics get paid to pass judgements, whereas I do it for free. And I’m tired of being looked down upon simply because the work I do is unpaid. After all, my reviews, like any others, will save you time, effort and aggravation.

If you meet Kathy at a school function and are thinking of meeting for coffee, I can save you the irritation. (Her life is perfect. You’ll want to smack her). At a wedding I can help you avoid hours of boredom. (Move your seat away from Tom! He’s a Trekkie who lives with his mother!) And if you’re friendly with Darren I can save you befuddlement (He’s not deep. He’s just really confused).

Nadia? A whinger. Josh? Depressive. Ruth? Scary. And Michael? Great guy, really sweet. Just such a shame about the tracksuit pants.

Now, you’re probably thinking smugly, ‘Hey, I can be a Person Critic. Anyone can form an opinion’. Well guess what? You’re wrong.

For a start, a Person Critic needs to be very judgemental. If you’re one of those (annoying) types who accepts everyone as they are, you’re not cut out for this work. Who will listen to your opinions if you see beauty and goodness in all humankind?

On the other hand, you can’t be hypercritical and negative. A Person Critic must distinguish between those who give good value for one’s friendship dollar – so to speak - and those who don’t.

Furthermore, a Person Critic needs to be able to make rapid and accurate judgements. There’s no time to get to know your subject in all their full and rich complexity. You must meet them, form an opinion, and be ready to describe them in three adjectives or less, all within about 15 minutes. There are people waiting for you to tell them what to think.

I’m very well suited to Person Reviewing. I’m bursting with opinions. And, quite frankly, there’s no other area I’m qualified to make opinions about. Of course, I have no special expertise in people, either. However, in Person Reviewing, that doesn’t actually matter. Qualified or not, your audience will always listen to what you have to say.

The best thing about being a Person Critic is that you win either way. If your subject is interesting then you’ll enjoy meeting them. And if they’re not interesting, although you may not enjoy meeting them, you will definitely enjoy telling everyone about it afterwards.