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| See these? These are PANTS. |
- Canary yellow cars. Canary yellow doesn't look good on anything, even if it has wheels.
- The word 'pant'. There is no such thing as a 'pant'. They are called 'pants'. Even one-legged people wear 'pants', albeit with one of the legs pinned up.
- Tripe. This should be self-explanatory.
- People who don't wear deodorant, unless they have had their sweat glands removed. Oh they should be allowed to exist, they just shouldn't be allowed out in public.
- School lunches. Canteens should be free. Or kids should all go home for lunch. Just not to my house. I hate making lunches.
- Bacon flavoured chocolate. See number 3.
- Politicians. The country should be run by nice people who can get along. Like (insert name of people who can get along. I can't think of any right now).
- The 40 hour work week. I get tired by Monday lunchtime.
- Taxes. I don't have an alternative solution, but the nice people who can get along will come up with something.
- Licence and passport photographs. We should be allowed to upload our own pics from Instagram. Using several filters. And full makeup.
- Celebrities. They're all weird. Only normal people should be famous. Like me!
- After school activities. Kids should be taught ballet, judo, soccer, swimming and piano at school. Or not at all. See point 8. I'm tired.
- The word 'journey' used as a metaphor. Unless you've travelled from one place to the other via car, train, plane, bus or feet, you haven't been on a journey. It's called 'life'.
- White chocolate. White chocolate is not real chocolate! Call it what it really is. Confectionary.
- On-hold music. Either pipe through the radio, or, preferably, answer the bloody phone.
Anything to add?
Oh thank god, someone who gets the whole 'pant' thing.
ReplyDeleteAgree with all of the above. I would add Lego to the list, as I have 3 boys and two of them are obsessed with it. It's like the Cancer of toys. You try to contain it in one place but it just multiplies and spreads.
ReplyDeleteDid you forget about my monkey feet?
ReplyDeleteFor the good of humanity, hipsters.
ReplyDeleteThe word "literally". Especially when it's used incorrectly e.g. "Wow! That movie literally blew my mind!" err....
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with you on point one. When exMrBB takes the kids for the weekend, we swap cars because mine's a station wagon with requisite child restraints. His car is a Canary Yellow V8 ute. I feel like such a wanker driving the stupid thing. Men and their mid life crises. Sigh.
WTF! to number 6, is this real? I agree with all of the above, bar for.... um I actually have never worn deodorant in my life. Even in the middle of summer, I just don't sweat. I do on my face, but not under my arms. Yeah I know a little freaky.
ReplyDeleteBan the word panties! It is creepy. They are underpants, undies, or Reg Grundies.
ReplyDeleteI can agree with you on every single thing on this list! Why are celebrities all weird? Are they weird because they're famous, or do they get weird after they get famous?
ReplyDeleteFashion speak dictates you take something that only makes sense in plural, then singularise it so people *know* you are talking in Fashion. A 'pant', a 'boot', a smoky eye. YOU ONLY NEED ONE OF EACH. Like that gorgeous worm who wore a jean leg in the Richard Scarry books.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to ban meatloaf (a LOAF of MEAT???) - come on everyone, let's just have a hamburger and call it a day!
ReplyDeleteYellow shorts - SD has a pair of yellow sorts!! They are hidious, I hate them - one of his friends tagged me on fb in a photo of him wearing them. I have been shamed .... :-(
ReplyDeleteThe poncy way 'pant' is said his more grating than the word.
ReplyDeleteBan chewing gum schmackers, loud public mbl ph conversations and cinema popcorn rustlers.
Also could someone demonstrate the correct way to hold a knife & fork to George Calombaris?
Really, on national television he has to hold his utensils like a Neanderthal?
Bahaha!! Love number 9!!
ReplyDeleteMust add a couple though -
- Jeggings. Enough said.
- Any song whose lyrics do not contain more than 5 different words.
- Any paint advertisement showing a perfectly coiffed mum, in a perfectly clean house, smiling and shaking her head in adoration as her toddler draws on the walls.
- Kyle Sandilands.
I love the idea of an instagram for my passport/drivers licence! And where to I vote for you - you would be awesome at running the country with ideas like this!
ReplyDeleteFashionspeak should be banned. It is as fingernails scraping down a blackboard when I hear "pant" "lip" ,"shoe" and my favorite "hose" (for socks and stockings). It seems to be fashion in our area (Large country town in SA) for adults to wear pyjamas outside the house e.g. at the supermarket, school drop off and even at the pictures (seen with my own eyes). Definitely ban worthy.
ReplyDeleteYES I DO
ReplyDeleteIsn't that just SO true? And it gets under your feet and it HURTS!
ReplyDeleteI have been trying desperately to forget, JJ
ReplyDeleteOh love. No-one should have to drive a yellow V8.
ReplyDeleteYES! It's real! Tasted some in the States. It was revolting. It tasted just like it sounds. And you don't sweat???? BIZARRE. Then you have an official exemption. x
ReplyDeleteI have often wondered that. I think the latter, but perhaps a bit of both?
ReplyDeleteYES! 'Smoky eye'. KILL ME NOW.
ReplyDeleteAgree. Loaf of meat is like spam. Should NOT exist.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. It's going to be hard coming back from that kind of humiliation....
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHAHAHA! I've noticed that about George too! What IS that???
ReplyDeleteOh GOD. Kyle. YES. Can't believe I left him off the list. (And as for ads, can we include tampon ads showing happy women dancing in white pants? Or a 'white pant'?)
ReplyDeleteLOL. YAY!!!! I'm ready to campaign!
ReplyDeletePyjamas???? As outerwear???? JESUS. You need to document this with pictures.
ReplyDeleteEW! HATE that word. I'm shuddering just reading it.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Adding it to the list!
ReplyDeleteBahhaaaha! Because whenever I get my period, I ALWAYS feel the sudden urge to go dancing, horse-riding, wind-surfing or take up salsa dancing....I NEVER want to curl up on the couch in a little ball with my wheat bags and contemplate the many different ways to murder people for eating with their mouths open, walking too slowly in front of me or breathing too loudly through their nose.....
ReplyDelete- Stretch pants worn as pants! Especially if they are old and see-through.
ReplyDelete- Ugg boots as outside shoes
Cola flavoured raisins, yep saw them in woolworths just today! insane.
ReplyDelete"He's 80 kilo"
ReplyDeleteFFS. It's: "He's 80 kilos."
Clearly I'm off on a tangent here. But one I feel strongly about.