January 9, 2013

I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie...

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Except that I don't like big butts, so I am lying. I mean, I don't dislike big butts, I just don't particularly have a thing for them, you know? They're not something that I think about on a daily basis. I like big lots of things - big chocolate bars, and big glasses of gin, and big jars of Nutella, and big beds, and big wads of cash, and big muscles, and big brains, and big love, but not particularly big butts.

But I cannot get the stupid song out of my mind.


I like big butts and I cannot lie. All you other brothers can't deny...

Except I'm not even a brother! What's more, I don't even have a brother! I can't relate to this song on any single level, but it is playing in my head all day long. And to add insult to injury, whenever it starts playing in my head I have to dance. Yes, DANCE. And not just any old dance, either. I have to wiggle my butt.

I like big butts and I cannot lie! I sing, turning my back to whoever is in the room and shaking my booty in their face. This is endlessly amusing for my husband* but rather less amusing for my kids. The 11 year old rolls her eyes and tries to ignore me, which isn't too hurtful, but the 13 year old gets quite aggressive and threatens violence, which I find a little excessive, particularly when he has friends around. I really want them to feel like we have a warm and welcoming household full of love and acceptance, not one in which a simple butt dance leads to physical recrimination.

As for the five year old, well, she gets very distressed, putting her hands over her eyes and yelling 'Stop it Mummy, stop it!' Which, when we are in the supermarket, is really quite concerning, because then people think I'm abusing my daughter in some way, instead of just expressing my inner Gangsta.

I also find myself dropping I like big butts into general conversation. I saw a dog the other day and exclaimed 'I like big mutts and I cannot lie!' except that I don't like dogs much at all, and the big ones really scare me. And on the weekend I discovered that a friend had bought a large number of bagels. I like big bagels and I cannot lie! I texted him. I never heard back.

So the moral of this post is that some songs are dangerous and make liars of us all.

And if anyone has a way to get big bloody butts out of my tiny little brain, I would very much appreciate advice.

*who just read this post and told me it is not 'endlessly amusing' at all, but in fact he grew tired of it after the first 250 dances


  1. You need to replace it with another song - such as my current (inappropriate fave) Scream and Shout from Will.I.Am and Britney Spears. Just like you Kerri, I have to start rocking it out, in turn mortifying my 6, 11 and 13 year old while begging my husband to plllllllease say at the appropriate time in the chorus "Will I Am" so I can pike up with "BRITNEY BITCH" so I can fall into a fir of laughter at my own hysterical antics. *goes off dancing "when you hear this in a club, you got to turn this shit up, you got to turn this shit up....*

  2. There is a way...but you won't like it. Stop reading now if you don't want the cure.....

    Start singing The Final Countdown in your head. For a while it will take over then Big Butts will fight it for dominance but The Final Countdown always wins. You will be stuck with it.

  3. Yeah, it's a strange one - it's arguably sexist, objectifies women...and is possible even a little racist...but I don't know anyone who doesn't like that song...maybe it's just the complete honesty of the song that gets around all the other stuff...but then again, it does promote positive body-image...

    And as someone who understands a thing or two about music, it's also an unusual song...it uses some unorthodox rhythmic devices, and again, maybe that's why we like it...on the surface, it's a "novelty" song, but it's built on some really interesting musical ideas...

    So Kerri, don't fight it - you should feel proud to like that song...

  4. Gosh darn it now Kirsten now I have The Final Countdown in my head!

  5. I'm sorry. If it's any consolation I have it too.

  6. Try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYizXBQ5EQA Can't get it out of my head, since seeing the movie the other day! Also, not so catchy, but tear-worthy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3ziBJOi7cDY


  8. Oh John. You ALWAYS make me feel better! Thank you! And thank your butt!

  9. This is by no means original but it's the only diversion song tactic that works for me, hands down, every time. You have to channel George's answering machine song message from Sienfield. "Believe it or not, George isn't at home, please leave a message at the tone, tone tone... where could he be, oh where could I (he?) be, believe it not, I'm not home!" see? better?

  10. I would love to help you but truly I am not qualified...I had Lady Gagas P P P P P P poker face stuck in my head for a week...it was awful.

  11. **Note to self** don't read this blog at work - it's hard to duck behind my computer screen and stifle the laughter !!!
    Thank goodness I can't 'hear' the song in my head - probably if I heard it on the radio I would know which one you are talking about but until then, I'm safe from any ear worms except I read some comments and now The Final Countdown is in there !!
    Have the best day and 'shake that booty' as much as you want.

  12. I will!!!!! And you shake your booty too!!!!!!x

  13. The only song that is guaranteed to usurp it (and eventually go away itself) is the ma-na-ma-na song (or the ba-na-na boat version from the ad)


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