May 29, 2012

What I Really Did At The Health Retreat

On the weekend, I was invited to the Golden Door Elysia Health Retreat as a guest speaker. I went with my friend and fellow author Kylie Ladd, who is already about as healthy as they get, but for her rather alarming problem with chocolate, hot chips, more chocolate, some more hot chips, another slab of chocolate, and wine.

This post is not sponsored in any way, I just wanted to let you know what I got up to on the weekend. But I will say that the Golden Door is beautiful, the food is fabulous (even without sugar, salt or oil), and the setting in the Hunter Valley is magnificent (even if the irony of a dry resort in the heart of wine country wasn't totally lost on me). If you can afford it, go, and tell them I said hi. Maybe then I'll get invited back.

So.... What did I do on my break?

I DIDN'T go to the seminar on Setting Wellness Goals. I thought it was an extremely worthwhile subject, but frankly, being away from the kids and The Architect and the laundry, and having my bed turned down and my food cooked for me, had already made me feel Well.

I DID think a great deal about coffee and alcohol and chocolate and hot chips and salt.

I DID drink green tea till my bladder burst in the hopes that I could convince my body that it was drinking coffee.

I DIDN'T convince my body that it was drinking coffee. Not even a tiny bit.
I DIDN'T do Tai Chi at Dawn

I DID have a massage. It was 50 minutes of heaven. I may have dribbled on the table.

I DID wish I could have slipped the masseur a billion dollars to keep massaging me for ever.

I DID go for a walk with Kylie down the very long, steep driveway and to neighbouring resort.

I DIDN'T make it back up the drive. Kylie had to find a hole in the fence that bypassed the very long, steep driveway so that I could sneak through again on the flat.

I DID give a talk to the assembled guests in the lecture theatre on the Saturday night.

I DID begin my talk by telling the audience that I was going to discuss The Benefits Of Bran. They looked only slightly dismayed, and not at all surprised.

I DID break the rules of the Golden Door resort. I took a second carob slice for morning tea on Sunday, when I'd clearly been allocated only one. I feel really bad but I honestly couldn't help it. It was VERY NEARLY CHOCOLATE!

I DIDN'T miss home very much.

I DID wish I could stay another week.

I DID just lie. I really wanted to stay another year.

I DID check my room for belongings before we left.

I DID suddenly remember that I had left my beanie behind when we were already outside. Kylie offered to go back and check. I hadn't left my beanie behind, but I had left a pile of dirty undies in my rom.

I DID feel bad that Kylie had to touch my dirty undies.

I DON'T feel that bad. I'm way too zen after my break to feel much of anything at all.

Have you ever gone to a health retreat? Would you? Could you?


  1. Kerri's undies were still warm. Just sayin'.

  2. Sounds lovely in a clean living kind of way.  The less clean living side of me was thinking maybe you got lucky with a late afternoon glass of crisp pinot gris at the neighbouring resort? 

  3. That Kylie is a true friend to hide your undies from the room cleaner (to the cleaner, that is )

  4. Ha ha ha - love it! And want to go... but might skip leaving the dirty undies calling card ;)

  5. Sounds gorgeous. I think I said via Twitter that I went to the Gold Coast Golden Door back in 2000/2001 (can't recall - I was living in East Timor at the time) for three weeks. It was life-changing - although that didn't last sadly! 

    But I still remember the deep depression of the first couple of days, wondering what the f*ck I'd done committing to three weeks of no alcohol etc. I was almost in tears at 5pm on days 1 and 2.... Then it got better. (As did I!)I SO need to go somewhere like that now!Deb

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  7. I DID just feel a bit jealous.

  8. Haven't, would, and can't - not yet anyway. That's some serious loose change I'd need to find under the couch. But I think it sounds fantastic.

  9. sounds fun, aside from the dirty undies part!

  10. It's a real sore point. Booked a 7 day stay. Paid $500 deposit. Husband said I couldn't go as he had to go away for work at the same time. The day before he was supposed to go, he cancelled his trip. No more vacancies at the retreat. I lost my $500. I still haven't forgiven him. It's been 4 years.

  11. Do love your refreshing honesty about how it was
    Do agree that just being there is standalone wellnessDo want to goWill say hi from you

  12. Regular massages indeed have the magic ability to send us to heaven, I recommend them at least once a week- if you are leading  stationary manner of life or if you are too tired of being active. Massages put you back in life- refreshed and energized, securing harmony between body and soul. Removals


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