November 2, 2011

How Can A Man With Such Taste Get It SOOO Wrong?

My husband The Architect is a man of style. He chooses his clothes carefully, and has about 17 billion shirts in patterns ranging from subtle to bold. For the most part, I really like his clothes, with just a couple of notable exceptions.

The Architect focuses heavily on tops, and pays rather less attention to his legwear. In winter he chooses from black pants or black pants, exchanged for blue jeans or blue jeans on weekends.

In summer he wears black pants or black pants, exchanged for blue shorts on the weekend. But when I say 'blue shorts' I mean 'blue shorts, singular', because the man has a single pair of shorts. He has 20 zillion t-shirts in a trillion different styles, from plain white to The Dharma Initiative logo, but so busy is he purchasing tees for his massive collection that he has no time to cover his arse.

His one pair of shorts is an utter disgrace, bringing shame on our entire family. It is threadbare in the crotch and has a back pocket hanging off by the seams, and both legs are fraying at the knees. What's more, the front pockets have holes, so he is unable to carry money, which is fine as he'd just spend it on t-shirts.

It makes me crazy that The Architect only has one pair of shorts, and that other people can see his undies. It makes me especially crazy because his undies are also threadbare, but that, my friends, is another story. Still, the shorts were once nice, so the shame is solely in the upkeep, as opposed to bad taste, for which there is no excuse.

And speaking of 'no excuse', I come to the real problem, which is The Architect's Horrid Top. Yes, The Architect has many magnificent clothes, and he rarely gets it wrong. But no-one is infallible, not even my husband, and in recent times he has erred in the extreme.

My husband has a Horrid Top, and it is a long sleeved fawn knit tee. Yes people, you heard it right, it is a fawn knit tee, and I choke on the words as I write them.

There is nothing worse than long sleeve fawn, you think to yourself, but I assure you, you think very wrong. The long sleeve fawn knit has elbow pads to boot in a nasty, fake black leather. It is the most horrid thing you have ever seen, and The Architect will not give it up.

I hate the Horrid Top, and I have tried to convince The Architect to bin it, but The Architect has a mind of his own. And though I have tried to stamp it out of him, after 14 long years of marriage, he still clings to his self-determination. So I have resorted to the only thing I know how to do, and I have done it without a moment of doubt.

I have hidden the Horrid Top in a cupboard in the laundry, until such time as The Architect forgets about it. And if he doesn't forget it, if he asks after it some time, then I have absolutely no idea where it is.

Although... I do recall seeing something like it in the pocket of his shorts one day.... Perhaps the fawn knit fell out when he was out? Those bloody shorts, I'm so sorry about that. Do you think it's time to buy another pair?


  1. Is he a decendant of the von Trapp family? :)

  2. OMG (and I never say that) ongoing arguement with my husband is that he wears a uniform and I dont mean in a good way - as soon as he gets home he puts on grey pants and a grey jumper, not to be confused with the navy shorts and navy t-shirt for the summery version of his wardrobe - Ive become that woman that lays out her husbands clothes at the same time as ensuring the kids bums dont hang out of their jean shorts...when I met him I thought he could dress well until I realised all I saw was his 'going out shirt' (his title for it not mine)...lucky I love him

  3. Love that you hid The Horrid top in the cupboard instead of throwing it out...just in case he threatens to kill you if you don't hand it over, it is good to have it on hand.
    We've all been there. I feel the same about my partner's signed Wayne Newton picture.

  4. When I was introduced to my husband by mutual friends, the wife pulled me aside and said: he's a great guy, you're a fine pair, now promise me as the only favour I ask for putting you two together: the moment you can, make history of those *ridiculous* pointy boots.

    Not only did I do this, but also MIA went his 80's style multi-ripped jeans. Yes. I. Did. Didn't really go down so his shock he compared me to his mother- but I'm pleased to say I can live with my actions.

  5. Sigh. Why can't you women allow us our dressing idiosyncrasies, without trying to make us all Bend it like Beckham ? The Architect is his own man, and dresses accordingly. The fact he has shit taste in clothes, is neither here nor there.......

  6. hey  Kerry think yourself blessed - at least you have something to give him for Xmas!

  7. What is it with men and their t-shirt collection? Mr Styling You has an A, B and C team. Yes, that's right, they are graded Indy levels of importance!

  8. My Dad has a Hang Loose t-shirt that he got in Hawaii on honeymoon. My parents have been married 35 years. To my mother's horror he still wears this occasionally, but she tends to put her foot down to its exposure in the public domain.

  9. Just after our marriage I discarded some of new hubby's clothes I really, really  hated. Cheeky cheeky me! I just threw the items away and when he asked after them I just pretended I had absolutely,  *cough* NO   idea whatsoever as to their whereabouts.
    That was, um...26 odd years ago, and am happy to say, we're still happily married.
    Today it's me doing all the clothes shopping, well except shoes and suits,  because DH just hates going clothes shopping.
    Kerri, the throwing away/discarding method worked for me. Maybe his shorts should go walkabout as well?

  10. I would LOVE to send his shorts on walkabout. I'm just worried he'll go around naked from the waist down.....

  11. I weep for the states of our husband's wardrobes.

  12. Of course you can. Perfectly reasonable.

  13. Kerri, I've never admitted to being nice. That's part of my charm......

  14. Hilarious!!! There was a shirt like that in our house - it was a top hubby had been given by his father from SE Asia somewhere some 10-15 years ago!!! It was THREADBARE!!! I tried to get him to see reason, that it wasn't an acceptable 'going out' shirt... he ignored me. I got increasingly desperate & annoyed by the situation so I told him to throw it out, he negotiated me down to it staying as strictly pj ONLY shirt - something about sentimentality & all that crap (that he spins whenever he doesn't want to get rid of something, which is like every other day)!!! And then... oh yes, you all knew it was coming... the day he picked me up from the hospital to bring me and our first son home... that's right... HE WORE THE SHIRT!!! So all those wonderful photo's - first car ride, first time at home, first family photo outside our house, ALL OF THEM - show him sporting THAT SHIRT! Needless to say, one very overtired & hormonal new Mum (despaired by the fact that I had 'kankles' for the first time in my life) lost it and told him in no uncertain terms to BIN IT!!! And wonderfully, SO WONDERFULLY, the shirt has never been seen or heard from again!!! :-)

  15. This is strange choice for a shirt, really. But after all, we are humans and is natural that we make mistakes sometimes. Plus, this is pretty harmless one!

  16. My husband also has a t-shirt I can't stand. It's from a car show and it's the most bogan thing I've ever seen. He is only allowed to wear it to other car shows or in places where nobody has to see it (me included). 


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