September 5, 2011

Life Without Husband

On Sunday, my husband left for a two week business trip to China. This bothered me tremendously, as he had to leave the house at 5am, and the alarm woke me on a lazy Sunday morning at 4.30*.

Since then, I have been living life as a single mother of three, and contemplating the pros and cons thereof. And though it has only been just over 24 hours, I believe I have a pretty good handle on things.

No Husband: The Pros
  1. I do not have to cook dinner for my husband, and so I am (hypothetically) free to feed the kids sausages, and myself vast quantities of chocolate covered rasberry licorice followed by, ahem, cheese.
  2. There will be a lot less laundry.
  3. There will be a lot less arguments.
  4. I can sleep soundly without being woken by my husband's regular 2am nose-blowing session.
  5. There will be no piles of horrid tissues next to my husband's side of the bed in the morning as there will be no 2am nose-blowing sessions.
  6. I can get into bed with a pore cleansing strip on my nose without my husband recoiling in horror and yelling 'My eyes! My eyes!'
  7. I can lounge on my bed in my undies without any expectation of sex.
  8. I can lounge on my bed in my undies and a pore cleansing strip without my husband saying 'Oh for gods sake, make up your mind.'
  9. I do not have to wait for the shower so I won't be late getting the kids to school.
  10. I can watch whatever I want on TV without my husband grabbing the remote and switching channels every single commercial break.
  11. I can leave mess everywhere without my husband coming home and asking what I 'did all day'.
Tomorrow night's dinner
No Husband: The Cons
  1. I do not have to cook dinner for my husband and so I can (er... 'hypothetically') feed myself vast quantities of chocolate covered rasberry licorice followed by cheese. This is probably not an ideal way to eat in the long run.
  2. I have to take all three kids to school.
  3. I have to take Boo to swimming lessons in the wee-wee infested waters.
  4. I have to take the rubbish out. Or would have, if I'd remembered to do so last night. Woops.
  5. I get nervous without a big, strong man in bed with me in case of emergency. Except that my husband isn't big or strong, and he'd probably sleep through it anyway, so that doesn't really count.
  6. I don't have to wait for the shower so when I get the kids to school late I can't blame it on their father.
  7. There is no-one on whom to warm my feet before sleep.
  8. There will be a lot less laughing.
  9. I kind of miss him.
*of course I did go back to sleep, but I really do prefer not to be disturbed
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47 comments:

  1. KJSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:34 AM

    A plane ran off the runway in Mumbai and got stuck in the mud so my husbands week long business trip was cancelled at the last minute.  He announced this by coming down our stairs, dressed in his business class duds and said "So, what's for dinner?"

    "ermmm...ummm...nuggets and tomato sauce", I replied.

    And there goes my week of minimal cooking. *sigh*

    (I really do love him but I was mentally prepared for a week of bad parenting.  Oh, I mean SOLO parenting, not bad parenting. ;-)  )

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  2. KathleenSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    Haha love pro number 1 and 7.  I hope you do realize that these could potentially be combined.  For the ultimate 'home without my man' pro.  (black licorice instead though...)

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  3. Becci SwanSeptember 5, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    All except the point about wee wee swimming are the cons/pros I also have when my husband goes to China (no, that's not code). Also not feeling guilty about leaving clothes scattered about or makeup strewn across bathroom bench. I pretend I'm single without the nasty dating bit (but with added munchkins to look after).

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  4. MaxabellaSeptember 5, 2011 at 12:45 PM

    As long as it doesn't go on for too long, I quite like a solo parenting gig. I must say though that I dont think I've ever spontaneously lounged around in my underwear without the expectation of sex...

    x

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  5. KarlaSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    I can so identify with this.  My husband just got back (at 2am!) from a week in China.  I have been solo parenting with our 3 children (15,13,8) for that time and think I went through the same kind of list as you.  One week was probably enough.  My boys thought it was Christmas when I allowed them to eat dinner in front of the tv EVERY night and we had takeaways twice in one week.  Mind you, we had to have dinner at the table last night to get back into the routine before Dad came back and threw his hands up in horror. I paid my 8 year old to take out the rubbish last night. Don't like the dark driveway so I stood at the top while he took the bin down the slope.  It is a funny kind of a freedom when you are not answerable to another adult.  Great if you can do it guilt free!

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  6. Lisa LinternSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    Welcome to my life. As wife to Busy-And-Important-Husband I am often left by myself with the kids, the puppy and the garbage bins.  Pros: can drink wine every night without guilt (a slightly numb mind helps at bedtime otherwise I'm prone to sleeping with one eye open). Cons: the bottle bin gets very heavy and is hard to take out.

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  7. JFKSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    Kez - I can lend you mine for the two weeks!!

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  8. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    Can he just come to empty the bins then leave?

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  9. JFKSeptember 5, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    I tried that 15 years ago and he still won't leave !!!

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  10. fender4evaSeptember 5, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    I'm struggling to find anything witty and hilarious today, so I shall just say Good Afternoon Kerri, and let you know we're having nachos for dinner tonight.....

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  11. Mum on the RunSeptember 5, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    I love the freedom for the first week - for all the reasons you've mentioned + the no wet towels on the floor, no snoring, less having to share and be courteous or at least civil...
    By the second week and thereafter I get a little tired of dog poo and not being able to leave the house after 7pm. I also get the guilts about the wine consumption - if Magoo had to be driven to hospital we'd be calling a taxi!!
    Enjoy your bed space and man free bathroom.
    You know sex is expected after China, right? Absence and the heart or just plain physiology or something.
    :-)

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  12. TropicalMumSeptember 5, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    I am sick right now with the flu. Now I regret reading your blog because 1) my head hurts when I laugh and 2) my head hurts when I nod it. You had me nodding and laughing throughout.

    It was worth every wince of pain.

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  13. Jodi GibsonSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    My husband is only MIA for one day. Today 5am - 10pm. But has to be today the day where we have 1 swimming lesson, 3 dancing lessons (all at different times) 1 singing lesson, and one Fathers' Day event at school which I really should be at now instead of typing on your blog.
    God help me I couldn't handle two weeks!!
    Anyway, if all else fails there is always wine x

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  14. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    Oh HELL yeah *burps*

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  15. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    Aw... feel better!!

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  16. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    Oh yeah.... damn, had forgotten about that....

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  17. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    I very much like nachos.

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  18. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    LOL. Seriously.

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  19. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    As I said above in another comment... *burp*

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  20. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    LOVE the paying your kid to take out the rubbish. GENIUS.

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  21. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    What is it with our husbands and China? Are you SURE it's not code?

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  22. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Ha! Had to go and check the points, and thoroughly agree!

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  23. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Yes, I must say I would have been rather let down if husband reappeared at 8am....

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  24. bronnie marquardtSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    You know what? Your hubby sounds lovely. When my ex was away I did everything, and when he came back I still did everything but with a critic judging my every move. (Except cook some nights. He loves to cook. But he would always leave the mess. When I cooked I also had to clean up the mess) And we always had to praise his efforts copiously, unlike mine, which went ignored. Kids and I would get into our own routine without him (and yeah, light dinners a bonus). And then he'd come home with loads of washing, too tired to take the kids off my hands because HE needed a rest, and he would expect dinner each night and sex.  Lots of  sex. Never too tired for sex. I would have been happy to give him more sex if he had been willing to let me get some freaking sleep and perhaps a shower and change of clothes when he got hom.
    The End.

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  25. Cate PSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    Welcome to my life too hon. Mine is never here. Just got back from Honkers & Singapore, is in your neck of the woods this week, then Qld for 2 weeks, then New Zealand, then blah blah blah, and it'll be Christmas before I know it.
    At least my children are older and dont require delivery to school, but I have the added bonus of destructo dog & psycho cat.
    Pass me the fucking chocolate cake.

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  26. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:30 PM

    I don't have destructo dog or psycho cat, but I do have Spunky the maladjusted rabbit, and a goldfish whose tank needs cleaning AGAIN..... Can we have wine with that cake?

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  27. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:30 PM

    Okay, that is SERIOUSLY suckish. I'm glad he's an ex. x

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  28. Cate PSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    Did you really need to ask? *opens bottle*

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  29. Rachel ManSeptember 5, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Hmm , eventually the positive and negative sequences of his absence are almost equal... We can not live without them! :))

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  30. Becci SwanSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:34 PM

    Come to think of it..... has yours ever talked about getting a "foot massage"? Seems the norm every time he goes there.  Apparently the Chinese women are fascinated by his big, hairy, white, western feet!

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  31. KirstySeptember 5, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    Bronnie, I'm in your camp.  I can honestly say - we can live without men.  I just spent the weekend in the garden - doing everything EX use to do (plus parent the 3yo, 4yo, 7yo) without drinks and food brought to me, dinner cooked for me, OR massages and sex for such a wonderful job.  They think they are so hard done by, and they have it SO good.  Single parenthood is harder, much harder, but it is SO much better (but it has taken me 2 years to get to this happy place post his departure to his girlfriend's place).  :-)

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  32. KirstySeptember 5, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Oh, and I forgot to say, (was on my soapbox, ooops), LOVE your blog Kerri.  Big fan.  :-)

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  33. Nikki ParkinsonSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:48 PM

    Mine was away last week. I made one giant dish of pasta bake on Monday night which lasted till Wednesday when toast was offered and gleefully accepted. I stayed on twitter LATE. And I sprawled out in bed.

    Now he's home with a case of Man Back (closely related to Man Flu).

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  34. Bush BabeSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:15 AM

    Well I have three days without my tribe (yes kids AND husband gone on school camps!) but they have thoughtfully left an 18-year-old gluten-intolerant bloke behind.  It would have been idyllic without the teenager to feed... beacause you know, it was going to be something-on-toast every single night for dinner. Coeliacs don't do toast. Darn!

    I suppose it works out because, of course, teenager does all the nasty outside work which does suit me nicely.

    Now - should I spring clean, or read magazines and blogs... I think I just answered that for myself!
    :-)
    BB

    PS Recovered from your car adventure the other night? I have decided I won't be joining the NRMA as a volunteer anytime soon!

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  35. duckformationSeptember 6, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    Mine is away right now so I get to watch an episode of 24 without some one saying "Shouldn't you go to bed, you know he saves the world in 24 hours."

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  36. TheaSeptember 7, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    I can SO relate. We just had a week without the man of our house. He was bushwalking...in the wilderness! Crazy man!!

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  37. jaySeptember 7, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    I love chocolate covered raspberry licorice!
    My husband was in the Army for 20 years and used to go away a lot - A LOT! Sometimes he went for months, the longest was 12 months followed by 8 months a couple of years later.  When he got out of the Army, we worried that spending too much time together would drive us mad. Fortunately he has a national job where he travels most weeks for one or two nights.  I kinda like it for the girly tv watching, the mess that doesn't seem to bother me and the no disturbance in the middle of the night - not nose blowing but getting up for a bloody drink of water! Every night!!  Apart from that though, I do kind of miss him.

    p.s. Thank god I am over the wee wee infested water stage, otherwise all bets would be off

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  38. jaySeptember 7, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    Try this for dinner tomorrow night - it's easier to make and the kids will love you for it
    Hot Fudge Self Saucing PudServes 6
    Warm, fluffy chocolate pudding with thick velvety fudge sauce.  You would never know it’s low fat.Pud1 cup good cake flour (really does make the difference)3 tbsp good quality cocoa½ cup sugar1 tsp baking powder¼ tsp salt2 tbsp lite polyunsaturated margarine, melted½ cup low fat milk1 tsp vanilla
    Sauce½ cup sugar1 tbsp good quality cocoa2 tbsp espresso coffee1 cup water¾ cup low fat milk
    Place an oven tray in oven and heat oven to 180°c and grease oven-proof pudding bowl.  Sift all dry ingredients into a mixing bowl.  Add melted margarine, milk and vanilla and mix until smooth.  Pour into greased pudding bowl.
    Sprinkle combined sugar and cocoa over pudding mixture.  In a small saucepan heat water, milk and espresso to boiling point.  Pour over pudding and place on oven tray and bake for 1 hour.  Rest for a couple of minutes before serving.  Serve with lite cream, icecream or just on its own – a few strawberries are great too.Why it's good for youThere’s really very little to this pudding with all its chocolately velvet fabulousness.1125.4kj (268.8cal); 4.9g total fat (3g saturated fat)

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  39. jaySeptember 7, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    How do I get my photo up on here?  I'm sick of being 'grey man'! God, I'm such an idiot when it comes to technology.....

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  40. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    Oh. My. GOD. Yes please!

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  41. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    THANK YOU!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  42. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    Or with!

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  43. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    Man Back is terrible. For you, I mean. I feel for you at this difficult time in your life.

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  44. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    Yes, thanks for that *remembers trying to jump start automatic car backwards on hill*

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  45. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:56 PM

    Bushwalking??? When there are lovely hotels everywhere???? I do not understand...

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  46. Kerri SackvilleSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    Sign up to Disqus (link above 'add new comment') and it will give you the option of linking to anothing social networking account that has your pic, like facebook x

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  47. JaySeptember 8, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    I have a face!  Ah, it's so good not to be the grey man... Thanks Kerri xox

    ReplyDelete

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